The anonymous person who gave me this topic suggested that I would be funny for a topic like this. That’s a lot of pressure. Things don’t always have to be funny so don’t be surprised if this entry turns out to be less funny than you expect. This then begs the question: If Ted’s not going to be funny, why the fuck is he writing this and wasting everyone’s time? Sorry, I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe it’ll turn out okay though? We’ll see.
The quick answer is that I like boobs. If that’s all you wanted to know, you can stop reading now since the rest of this will only be tangentially related to the topic. There shouldn’t be a single person who stopped reading. Who the fuck actually cares whether I like butts or boobs and stops reading once they find out? Anyway, I shall stop myself from getting angry at imaginary people.
Butts and boobs are like apples and oranges. A sweet butt is better than nasty boobs and vice versa. And like fruit, I’d rather have no apples than bad rotten apples. Logically, boobs should be the preferable choice for most men. Boobs are what differentiates women from men the most. All men have butts too so it’s not as special. Hmm… I can imagine butt enthusiasts would argue than female butts are different than men’s. I have never observed a male butt carefully enough to confirm that but I assume it’s true. However, boobs are still more different. The best man-boobs in the worst can’t compare to real boobs but I’m sure the best men butts would be comparable to a woman’s.
It’s also interesting that the labia is not part of the equation. Sexually, that should be the body part we’re most attracted to but it isn’t. I’m happy to go on record and say that the labia is practically repulsive. No one should be offended by this statement. If you’re a woman and you’ve read this far, then you’re pretty much looking to get offended in which case, you’ve come to the right place. Please read on. …Actually, I think I’ve run out of things to write about. Just so I don’t disappoint you, I shall now state something overly offensive just for the sake of being offensive. I know how we can eliminate 100% of all rape crime. Every time you get raped, all you have to do is consent and then it’s not rape anymore. So simple. You have the power to prevent yourself from ever getting raped. Isn’t it such a mystery that a problem solver like me is still single?