When there’s nothing left to look forward to, death seems like such a lucrative option. I hate to be so melodramatic but at this point in life, I no longer have anything to look forward to. I used to think that I might get married someday but now that just seems like a hassle, having to deal with another human being and all. I may be speaking from inexperience, but I’m not even looking forward to sex anymore since that requires me to deal with another human being, a lot. Sure, masturbating and the real thing might be very different but I reckon masturbating might be better; I give an awesome hand job after all.
Around the time I started this blog, I felt pretty lonely and wanted to talk to people. But I’ve grown past that. Now that I no longer look forward to interacting with people, and being fine with it, there’s really not much in life to work for. In the meantime, life still throws heaps of shit towards me. Without the good times to outweigh the bad, it’s hard to find a reason to not just die.
Video games used to be a big part of my life and for a while I was working towards a career in creating them. I’ve been losing interesting in gaming for the past few years and recently, I just realized that it’s gotten pretty bad. I haven’t been productive at all for the past month(s). My main goal each day is just to try and enjoy life enough to not think about death. Sure, while I’m playing some new games, there are fleeting moments of joy but I’m so unmotivated that I don’t even feel like playing to get those moments of joy. Sometimes, I simply don’t feel like picking up the controller and would rather do nothing. I guess those are just textbook signs of depression.
Well, I already rambled more than I wanted to so let me get to the reason why I created this new entry. I’m pretty much extending my life at this point only because my friends say that death is the worst option. I have no motivation to do any work and I want to burden others as little as possible. I’m basically looking to make my life worse than death so that death becomes justifiable. One approach is to go to prison. I’m very open to the idea and that prison might actually not be that bad. Some might say I’m looking forward to it. If it turns out alright, then I’ll live on a tad longer and see what happens. If it sucks, then I have my reason to die. Hopefully I would have time to kill myself in between bouts of getting raped. I brought up this whole prison thing because one of my friends decided to try and make a show out of it where we basically talk about this absurd “goal” of mine. Just like this blog, although I’m talking about a depressing topic (depression), I try to keep it relatively lighthearted and include as much funny as I can. Hopefully, you will find it enjoyable. http://www.youtube.com/user/talkprison