Things Are Going Well

Things are kind of going well now but I’m still not happy. What a miserable fucker I am… WordPress seems to be getting me a quite a number of followers which is good. Now I feel pressure to generate more content and fix the formatting in previous posts. I had ideas for an entry but I won’t get to it tonight… unless I can’t sleep again… which will probably happen. This is just a sub-entry of no real substance. I’m going to include a few jokes I wrote today which I normally wouldn’t have included in my blogs so that’s a nice little gift:

If I had to make up a word for the opposite of wisdom, it would be dumdom.

I gave five dollars to a beggar, years ago, and I regret it everyday.

“I think a sign of narcissism is when a person quotes himself more than he quotes other people.” – Ted

Those are things I posted on facebook. I pretty much arbitrarily decide that certain things are blog material or just a simple short joke. If you can’t get enough of me, then you can add me on facebook and you’ll see jokes like these that you might not see in the blog. https://www.facebook.com/tedgaming

Missing Line Breaks

I’m glad people enjoyed the blog even with the terrible formatting. I just found out that there are missing line breaks that’s in the text when I edit but it refuses to show up when viewing the page. I’m supposed to be a techie and yet I’m struggling with stupid line breaks. Since I have upwards of 10 followers now, I will look into fixing that. Thanks for bearing with me.

Wow I’m slow…

I originally started this blog on google’s blogspot (or is it blogger?) and duplicated here on wordpress to see which blog I like more. Turns out I like google a bit more so I’ve been updating that blog and abandoned this one. I’ve frequently revisited my email notifications that someone liked my blog and only now, 2 months later, that I’ve been updating the wrong blog lol. http://tedgaming.blogspot.ca/ is my main blog but I guess I’ll duplicate all content here as well. That said, I will be updating this blog with like 20 posts in an hour but I wrote those entries over the span of a few months.

Random Rantings and Random Free Plugs

My dumb brain doesn’t want me to sleep again so I’m going to write a little something. On a side note (already?? Can I even have a side note as my second sentence without having said anything yet? What is it a side note from? Isn’t this just poor writing? Why am I questioning myself?), I have work in the morning and I refuse to use alarm clocks so we’ll see how the battle between my insomnia and sheer mind power will turn out. I’m one of those people who can wake up before a certain time as long as I fix my mind on it. It has historically worked but I’ve never given it any tests where there are stakes, not that the stakes are particularly high this time either. It’s fun to be depressed and suicidal and not care about anything because I don’t need to care about losing my job, not that I’m a bad worker mind you.

(This paragraph wasn’t something I was originally planned to complain about.) I randomly decided to write this free plug entry and discovered that the 2 “likes” my blog has ever received were from wordpress. When I first started the blog, I used google’s blogger as well as wordpress to see which I liked better. I liked google more so I’ve been only updating blogger for the past few months but it turns out wordpress publicizes my blog better. So for the next little while, I’m going to be updating both blogs identically. What a hassle… I shouldn’t be complaining though because people are finally reading my shit.

Alright, time to start the real rant. My dad tends to create catch phrases and will say them over and over again for a while. They’re not funny or clever though. They tend to be condescending or hateful or otherwise exude some kind of negative vibe. Actually, it’s not his catch phrases’ fault; everything he says exudes negativity.

I’m going to give a bit of context on how annoying my dad is before I write about his new catch phrase. My dad behaves in such an eccentric way that there’s literally no word that describes whatever the fuck he does. No verbs describe his crazy actions and no adjectives describe his fucked up attitude towards things. Bear in mind that this is a man who has no friends and does nothing for fun. He often walks into the room while I’m watching TV and condescending (and rhetorically) ask why I’m watching such boring things. Sure dad, the most successful TV shows are boring simply because you don’t like them nor understand them because you don’t fuckin’ speak English. Goddammit, Chinese people are annoying. (Man… I can never give enough context which shouldn’t be unexpected since I’m trying to describe things that (I claim) has no words to describe.) (Are nested parentheses allowed? Fuck grammar. As long as the reader understands, that’s all that matters. At its core, that’s what language is all about.)

Another thing my dad does is look at a game I’m playing, GTA IV was one of them, and after watching 10 seconds, he’ll snort “Heh, and that’s all it takes to scam money from dumb people like you.” This is coming from someone who knows nothing about programming and refuses to believe that I can do programming without formal education even after I’ve self-published 3 games on http://tedgaming.com/ and have earned money for them. Turns out money isn’t a universal language when it’s on paypal and you’re speaking to computer illiterate people.

I could probably create a whole blog with daily updates of my dad’s stupidity but his behaviors are so annoying that it irks me just to describe them. (If enough readers want it though, I’ll do it. I’m a total sellout who’ll happily throw my dad under the bus(figuratively) for online followers.) The last example I will give is directly related to the catch phrase. Nowadays, I’m super gloomy around him because he actually criticizes me for laughing or having any signs of enjoying life in any way, shape, or form. There’s no logic or reasoning behind it either. He just likes to bitch. When I carry out brief friendly conversations with my friends on phone, he gets a combination of pissed off and jealous and bitches about it. So now his new catch phrase is: (while I’m in my usual bad mood around this fucktard) “Jeez Ted, you can’t be so stupid and let other people influence you. Whether you’re happy or not, the days will still pass. So you might as well be happy.” Sound advice under normal circumstances but this comes from the same mouth that criticizes his depressed and suicidal son whenever said son shows any glimmer of joy out of life. I won’t even go into the irony of him saying such things, especially when he juxtaposes it with an old fashion unsolicited (and ungrounded) insult. I guess I got into it a little but that’s all for now. I hope I was able to get across how fucked up he is ‘cause I would have otherwise made myself sound like a whiny little bitch.

I hate how riled up I get whenever I write about him. Because I can’t even describe his ridiculousness accurately, it feels like he’s winning. Anyway, here’s the free plugging portion of this entry that I intended. I have compiled a list of blogs of all the people (all 7 of them) who liked my blog as of April 25, 2013. Check them out if you’re looking for more things to read:

http://parentingandstuff.wordpress.com/

http://livelifelovebacon.com/wordpress/

http://fringevoid.wordpress.com/

http://easternseastar21.wordpress.com/

http://prophetbrahmarishi.me/

(these next 2 came in while I was proofreading)

http://yesmyheadsintheclouds.wordpress.com/

http://foolishsagewisdom.wordpress.com/

To be honest, I haven’t read any of those and I apologize for that. If they like my blog though, then at least I can safely assume that they’re not stupid people who get offended by every little thing (since my blog can be quite upsetting if you don’t get the humor). They might simply be stupid people who don’t get offended. Okay… I just retardedly went and insulted my 7 followers. Sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear! We’re still friends right? Please keep reading my blog.

Anonymous (Comment Topic)

Anonymity is a word I fancy writing but when I try to say it out loud, I sound like a lisping retard. On a serious note, the state of anonymity is very interesting because it shows people’s truest selves. Almost always, people only behave the way they’re supposed to behave because their reputation is at stake. At everyone’s cores, there are always deep and dark thoughts that people rarely voice. When people are anonymous, their behavior range anywhere from being plain assholes to giving shallow, generic compliments. It is amazing to find people who are genuinely nice, even in the state of anonymity, and expect absolutely nothing in return because they cannot be found again. I wish I had better examples, but I’m pretty much basing all of what I just wrote on my interactions with people in mmorpgs.

Despite the impression I give off with this blog, I’m actually a pretty nice person. But I don’t like being nice to people because they try too hard to thank me and I don’t like talking to people. It’s even worse if they don’t thank me because I’d hate them for being ungrateful. My most preferred response is a nod of respect and acknowledgement. Yes, I’m very picky. I basically live life trying to be a stealthy good-doing ninja, and then being a hateful nihilist the next moment.Lastly, I wonder how many different commenters have been commenting in this blog. I don’t know since you’re all being anonymous. I’m guessing all the comment topics have been from the same person but that’s about as far as I can speculate. I actually have more speculations and I was about to write them out but then I realized that it was long-winded and uninteresting so I stopped myself and gave you this explanation instead.

That’s about all I’ve got to say on the subject. I feel like I’m shortchanging the reader but writing such a short piece but then I realize that I don’t owe anyone anything. If you’re not satisfied, you can go ahead and get the fuck off my blog. …Okay I didn’t mean that. Please don’t leave.

Childhood (Comment Topic)

My stupid brain decided to not let me fall asleep so I’m going to write this comment topic that I put off for almost a week. I wonder if my anonymous follower is still following this blog. I don’t think this entry is going to be too long but we’ll see. This entry is also not going to be comedy-driven. However, I like to think that everything I write is funny and interesting and since no one has told me otherwise, I’m going to keep assuming that it’s true.

I’ve always been a pretty depressed person. On my extra depressed days, childhood is actually a topic I spend a lot of time thinking about. I analyze how screwed up my life is, how much of it is my fault, and then I think about how many of my flaws are rooted in me from my childhood. It turns out that I can blame my parents for everything. Although I’ve thought about this topic a lot, it’s one of those things that you think about a lot but the thoughts aren’t necessarily cohesive and doesn’t translate well into written form. I will be trying my best to cover the key points.

First I will write about my cheapness. I’m so cheap to the point that it should be diagnosed as an illness. Everytime I eat out, it pains me to know they profit off me. On a regular basis, my spending is asymptotic to zero. I’ve been this way all my life because it’s the way I was raised. Although it’s obviously problematic, I’m going to go ahead and elaborate on some of the ways my cheapness screws with me. Well, the obvious one would be spending money on dating and meeting girls. You need to understand a cheap mindset to know that basically my cheapness means zero dating. Simply leaving the house costs money for transportation so every outing starts off with ridiculously high expectations because I’m spending “so much money” that it better be worth it. “So much money” is relative to zero of course, so any amount of spending is a lot. This relates to childhood because both the transportation and food thing are things that my parents have nailed into my head again and again, even to this day. The biggest problem with this cheapness in combination with depression is that if I don’t really need to spend any money, why bother working to make money.

The other big issue is raising children when it is appropriate to speak. I was raised to make as little noise as possible. My parents took the easy (but bad) route. Basically, if I never say anything, I’ll never say anything wrong. However, this is obviously the wrong way to raise a child because I’ve never said anything to any of my relatives (including my parents) and therefore never formed any connection with them. I care about them less than someone I just met and have a good 5 minute conversation with like the milf in the last entry. Not only that, but I also severely lack conversational and other social skills because of this. This way of being raised is so wrong because I’m essentially a pet brick who greets people on command. That is no way to raise a human.

All I do is point out how bad my parents were at parenting but I’ve got no solution. That’s my biggest hesitation to having a child, not that any girl wants to have my child mind you. Although I’m extremely cynical, hateful, narcissistic, depressed, and suicidal, I think I turned out okay, intellectually. Maybe I don’t give my parents enough credit. At the cost of all forms of happiness, at least I can do math and write a fucking blog.

What To Do… With Life and Milf…

First off I’d just like to update that I’ve been busy and lazy and have been putting off writing the comment topic on childhood. Nothing really came to mind and I’ve just been procrastinating. Basically, I reassuring that I didn’t forget about it by saying that I’m actively procrastinating from doing it…

I started playing Ni No Kuni and I re-realize my lost of interest in video games. I want to like the game but there’s simply too much to complain about. Since I’m doing nothing with my life, I’m going to keep playing this game for the next little while. I thought of relating that game to childhood (comment topic) since the protagonist is a child but that’s about as far as I’ve related it. That said, I still use my old gaming habits and have been logging in a lot of hours. I bought the game Friday night at 9pm and right now on Monday I’ve logged in 50 hours. It’s almost retarded how much I can game (even if I’m not enjoying it).

There’s been a minor change of pace in my life. It is now my second week working part time at the library. I hadn’t mentioned it previously since I don’t blog to update people on my life because (my) life is boring. I’m not fond of socializing with people (co-workers) but I hit it off with one milf. Milf was almost the first thing that came to mind and I’ll tell you why. The first time I worked with her, she commented how it must feel like I’m working with my mom and I responded by saying “… if my mom was white”. (I’m asian and she’s white.) She really liked that joke and I like people who likes my jokes. (Yup, I’m a total narcissist and I don’t even hide it.) I later found out that she actually has 3 daughters around my age so age-wise, she’s a total milf.

During the day, I thought about telling her that she was milf-y as a compliment and luckily I was smart enough to shut the fuck up and not actually say it. That’s probably textbook sexual harassment right there. I wonder if it would be taken as an insult or a compliment. In my head, since she’s already acknowledged her age, I’m pretty sure it would be a compliment, assuming I’m an attractive young man which is what I’d like to think of myself as. I don’t know if I’m delusional or not; it’s not the easiest thing to confirm since I rarely see or talk to people. Also, I think white people de-sexualize asian men, especially ones who are your children’s age. I also thought of asking if I could date one of her daughters and that I’m sure they’re very attractive if they’re even half as pretty as she is. That line should have no risk unlike the milf statement. But I don’t think I’ll be saying any of that in person since talking takes quite a lot of motivation and effort for me. When I talk to strangers, I use mostly one-liners because there’s less commitment. If I give a compliment, I’m then committed to continually be nice to the person which is hard for me. It’s hard being nice to people for more than 20 seconds at a time.

…Now here’s where I’m in a tiny bit of a dilemma. I’ve already eliminated the option of saying all that stuff in person. If it comes up organically, sure, but I won’t be planning those out. However, as this blog proves, I’m very comfortable with writing online and I wonder if I should email the milf… particularly about her daughters. The managers of the library sends out mass emails so I actually unsolicitedly have her email. I went creepily ahead and looked her up on facebook and confirmed that her daughters are indeed super attractive. The problem is, even in the best case scenario where she likes the idea of me dating her daughter, I then have to date her daughter… I’ve never enjoyed dating and as a anti-people-pleasing and depressed person, dating is too much effort. Sigh… I don’t know if I should email the milf or not and whether I should ask about her daughters or just try to have a conversation with her online. I also don’t know why I wondering this out loud in a public forum. (Forum is used in the loosest sense of the word. I grew up with the internet and internet message boards so seeing that word always looks weird to me and now I decided to weird myself out by using it and then addressing how weirded out I am with myself.)

Another side note is that I’ve never seen the term filf (father I’d like to fuck) and I don’t think it’s a thing. I wonder why it isn’t. I thought about that when I was thinking whether calling someone a milf is offensive and I tried to put myself in their shoes. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be a filf anyway since I’m a kid. I’m just an ilf. (I’d like to fuck…)