Do, or Don’t Do

It is easier to tell somebody to not do something than it is to tell somebody to do something.

That’s all I wanted to write but I’m not about to leave this as a tweet-sized entry so I’ll beef this up with some bullshit filler. That statement is pretty universal save for two exceptions. If a person is physiologically addicted to a substance, then it would be easier to do than not do. The other exception is just semantics, double negatives. My biggest struggle with life right now is to not be a lazy bum. To be a lazy bum is to do nothing. So to tell me not to be a lazy bum is to tell me to do something.

I know I’ve previously stated that I don’t want to write too much about depression crap because it’s not funny and no one gives a shit. Since this is already an unfunny entry, I’ll throw in another thought I’ve been having. I don’t want to die. But even more so, I don’t want to live. My affinity to being suicidal is only because death is the lesser of two evils, given how shitty life is. I’m not suicidal (yet) because I’m living one hell of a dream life. Right now I’m just bumming at home with no financial responsibilities or any other kind of responsibility, Each day, I only need to worry about entertaining myself but life is already barely worth living. Why would doing more of what I don’t like (work, job, employment) to get less of what I already have (basically everything), make me want to live more. And if I don’t want to live, then why bother. Like I said, it’s fine at the moment, but I’m just planning ahead for when I lose my financial freedom, and I will. My parents aren’t wealthy so even if I leeched off them for the rest of their lives, I won’t inherit enough to sustain myself for another year so it’s just an inevitability.

God dammit I’d hate to just end it there so let me try to brighten things up a little. Umm… on the bright side… I did not have black diarrhea yesterday .

(black diarrhea reference: https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/shit-stories-part-i/)

9 thoughts on “Do, or Don’t Do

  1. Sometimes, adversity is its own reward. Lack of direction and lack of need to be of use is a recipe for the kind of amorphous ennui, in which you seem to be stuck.

  2. I totally feel for you–have been there, and am often stuck there myself. I have been told, and resented it, that living a life of self-absorption leads to depression. a hard truth, but a truth, nonetheless. After seeing Patch Adams I knew it was true; sort of knew it before that…this is probably not helpful unless you’re in a receptive state. Don’t mean to judge at all; I’m there, too, like I said. Another thing that helps is creating–you have found that, maybe, already–in writing. Totally helps. Make something each day, for somebody else, if it feels good…and it usually does–if you have someone in mind who would like whatever you make. Stupid, silly, but fun things. my best to you!

  3. Hey, brother. You and I have a lot in common it seems, and yet I can say you’re my hero. I checked out the game you worked on via kickstarter. Bad ass. Really nice work. I can relate with you on many levels, if not all. I, too live a similar life. I’ve wanted to work on a small game because I think my stories could really grow in that and need to evolve to the next level, but I’m not good at that stuff. I understand creativity can help, it helped me for years but I’ve lost my creative flow, I’ve lost a lot. How you feel and in your position, you’ve taken to expressing yourself with your words is really golden, and to have some acknowledgement and some communication for it is really deserving as well as rewarding. If my moods aren’t swinging then I’m hanging in the balance. Mental hell and torment is a daily thing for me – and all you can really do is try to keep it together. I’ll get person here: I’ll be 27 this month. I’m a stay at home son. I’ve fought for years to get the proper help, support and treatment from family, friends and professionals and have been terribly misdiagnosed. My teeth have broken and rotted. I have just about no friends, no contacts online, I’m a ghost, hermit, a nothing, a nobody knowing I will only go nowhere. I believe in my heart I have every reason to kill myself. But I won’t. I never could. Take it from me, if you can dance with the devil then you can do so much more than the average human spirit can. It’s not about following the herd, it’s about making the best of things with who you are, where you’re at, what you have, or may not have. Why not stick around and fight the good fight. I lend you my golden battle axe, brother.

    • I know what it’s like to lose that creative flare. I’ve put the kickstarter project on hold for almost a year already and I struggle everyday to keep up this blog. Early on, there are huge gaps between each entry but I’m trying to keep up the content now that I have a few more readers. I’d like to think I’m independent minded so it saddens me a lot to see that I require the constant approval of others to motivate me to keep writing.

      I have no idea what the near future holds for me. I don’t even know if things are getting better or worse at the moment. All I know is that it can always get a lot worse very quickly at any moment but would take a long time to improve.

      I appreciate your compliments and I’m sorry that I don’t have much good to say. I don’t really have much of a real personality. That’s why I usually hide behind jokes. This response took me pretty long to write because there was nothing for me to joke about. Even though I don’t really say it, know that when I respond, that’s my way of showing that I appreciate the comment. Otherwise, I just wouldn’t give a shit and ignore the comment. Speaking of which, I guess I have a few other comments to get back to now that I’ve made this statement, lol.

If you liked what you read, please comment. As a blogger with few followers, I need the affirmation lol.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s