Let’s talk about the last time I soiled my pants. The last time that I had shit in my pants was when I was ten years old at the CN Tower (tourist attraction in Toronto). I actually don’t remember too much about that day. It would appear to be a repressed memory but it wasn’t THAT bad as far as I could remember. There was definitely shit, but not a lot. It was during lunch and I had to go to the washroom to clear the situation. I remember feeling a lot of shame because I felt I was too old to be shitting myself, especially in public. I don’t remember much else.
However, I can remember the last time I pissed my pants in full detail. I was six years old and it was a bed wetting incident. I blamed it to having drank a cup of water before bed and for a decade after, I would never drink anything within two hours before going to bed. I vividly remember the dream I had that night. In the dream, I was in a public washroom with four urinals. I was the only one there and decided to make a game out of it and pee in each urinal equally. I would pee in the first urinal for two seconds, stop, turn to the second urinal and pee in that for two seconds and so on. After the third urinal, I woke up and realized that I was actually peeing in real life too. I wonder if I was also peeing in two second bursts in real life. Since then, every time I’ve had a dream where I was peeing, I would wake up instantly and check if I’ve peed myself again. I was always surprised and relieved to find that I was dry. In a sense, I am a little disappointed that the two theories I developed at six years old about bed wetting (the pee dream and the water) have both been debunked.
For those who don’t know, I am an unemployed bum adult man-child. I’m pretty much at home 24/7. On several occasions, I’ve gone through the experience of being fine one minute and then urgently needing to shit the next minute so badly that I barely made it to the toilet before shit bursted out of me. I only had to walk 12 steps of the washroom and I always wonder if I weren’t home during these times, would I have shit myself in public?