Loneliness and Godlessness

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include blasphemy in my rants for fear I might offend a lot of people. But then I realized that I’ve already written racist and homophobic things so why stop now. It’s only fair for me to throw religion in the mix.

Being very depressed and lonely lately, I noticed that there’s two types of loneliness. One where I want someone to talk to, and another where I don’t even want to bother talking to people, which is what I’m feeling now. I don’t know which is worse. The latter should be worse but considering I don’t have anyone to talk to, the former is kind of worse for me. Either way, they both suck.

If God exists, why isn’t Jesus keeping me company? Why is he playing hard to get? There have been times when I’ve tried really hard to find Jesus but I’ve never felt a thing with him so it just feels stupid to keep chasing something I’ll never get. It feels even stupider than chasing girls. Even though I get nowhere with either things, at least I know the girls exist. Maybe I just haven’t found the right girls. Maybe Jesus decided it’s not the right time to meet me yet. Maybe I’m just terrible at chasing girls and deities.

About a half a year ago, a friend of a friend brought me to his church to try and help me because I was utterly depressed. He brought me to three different events and I saw no reason why he would think I would enjoy them. It’s as if he planned to just bring me there and let God do the rest. Too bad God doesn’t exist and no one did anything to me.

Solution For Gay Marriage

Isn’t it about time for people to stop talking about gay marriage? I think it should be legal but a lot of idiots refuse to legalize it and I’m getting sick of hearing people continuing to blindly fight for gay marriage. If those idiots simply won’t change their minds on false grounds, why are you joining their idiocy and fighting them on the same ground?

If there are idiots who claim that marriage should be between a man and a woman, then just call gay marriage something else. Call it gayrage, homorage, whatever you want. Make new laws regarding this new type of marriage that mirrors normal marriage. The idiots who are can’t reconcile with the idea of gay marriage won’t be smart enough to figure out the ruse of the new type of marriage. Just tell them it’s a way to separate the gays to appease them, but we’ll actually be legalizing gay marriage under a different name.

Most idiots will stay idiots forever. You don’t try to teach them rocket science, so why would you try to get them to understand gay marriage? The more you bother them about accepting gays, the more they hate gays because of the confrontation you’re creating. Stop fighting them and they’ll stop fighting back.

Political Responsibility is Not a Thing

The government is a big confusing mess that takes forever to make little changes and they screw up a lot of things. But they also get a lot of things right. There are people who preach that everyone has the responsibility to improve the system because it affects everyone. No. We don’t have that responsibility. Is it unfair that the lot of us just leave it to the few who are trying really hard to maintain and improve things? Not at all. They chose to do it. If they don’t do it, someone else will. When things get out of hand, more people will naturally join in. They don’t need to recruit unwilling participants.

There are people who spend a lot of time trying to figure out the system to improve it and if it’s so hard for them, that’s all the more reason for me not to get involved. I don’t need to know how everything works as long as I only get screwed to a tolerable degree. We all get screwed and a little screwing isn’t going to killing anyone. Everybody uses computers but 99% of the people have no idea how it works and even amongst people who have a fair idea of how it works, 98% of them have no idea how to fix things. The government is just like computers. Everyone interacts with it but they don’t need to know how it works. If it’s broken, someone else will fix it. Heck, most people don’t even know how their own bodies work. We don’t need to know how our assholes expand to excrete shit as long as we can get it to work. When it’s broken, the doctors will fix it. The government is just like our assholes.

Shit Stories Part XIV: My First Shit Story

This might be the last shit story I write and it’s going to be about the first shit story I’ve ever told. I was in university with a bunch of people who were kind of my friends. We were friendly with each other and hung out mostly out of convenience. They would invite me out and I tried my best to go out with them to enjoy their company, and it was okay, but it wasn’t enough for me to pursue the friendship. Evidently, I wasn’t a great additional to their group either since they eventually stopped asking me out. I don’t think it was because I scared them away with my shit story. If I did scare them away, it would be from trying to sell them sanitary napkins, including the guys. It was that phase of my life. I wasn’t being a pushy or anything though. People just got uncomfortable when certain words are brought up regardless of context.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

I don’t remember why I was telling this shit story. Maybe it was because someone was complimenting my awesome huge pectoral muscles back then and instead of saying “thanks”, I reward them with a shit story. That’ll make a little more sense once you hear this shit story but it still doesn’t justify why I would talk about shit instead of saying “thanks”.

Reward...

Reward…

I started off by saying I wasn’t sure if this story was too personal (for them. It’s not personal at all for the blog.). In my bathroom, there’s a mirror right next to the toilet. Sometimes, when I plan to shower after taking a shit, I would take off all my clothes before taking the shit because I was going to take them off for the shower anyway. In the nude, I would look at the mirror and see some belly fat and I hated it. It was this constant reminder that helped motivate me to work hard at sculpting an awesomer body.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don't have boobs.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don’t have boobs.

I ended the story the same way I started, by saying I wasn’t sure if it was too personal or weird and this one guy was overreacting and said, “Yes. Of course that was too personal.” Even though I basically got negative feedback, I liked that I was able to hold people’s attention by talking about unconventional things and evoke emotion in them. That wasn’t the moment I realized I wanted to write a blog about shit stories or anything, but it was definitely a moment early on that showed me this is the path I will be taking. It reminds me a lot of this clip of Louis CK honoring George Carlin. The whole video is worth watching but I linked you straight to the part where Louis talks about a joke that got a wild negative-ish reaction from the crowd but he would rather have that than shitty laughs.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.

Sad, Funny, and Truthful Thoughts

Lately, I’ve been sadder and truer to myself but unfortunately not any funnier. I’m wrestling with depression and it’s pinning me down on my bed all day. I’ve been lacking a reason to do anything, lacking a reason to live, so I’ve just been pretty much waiting to die… at the age of 22. It’s going to be a long ass wait.

Girls never have to wait to die. Even if they just lie in bed and not go out, horny guys will find them somehow.

Girls never have to wait to die. Even if they just lie in bed and not go out, horny guys will find them somehow.

I tried to give myself reasons to live and do things. That’s just a nice way of saying I’ve been hitting on every girl who crosses my path on the internet. It’s sad how it actually surprised me that all I was able to accomplish was creep girls away. Even blogging is feeling more and more pointless to me. I really love it when people enjoy reading the things I write. When you guys leave a comment, it brightens me up for about 2 minutes and then I go back to feeling miserable for the remaining 23 hours and 58 minutes of the day. If I earn one new follower for each entry I write, I would need to write 720 entries and then continue writing everyday in order to feel alive. But sadly, I don’t even earn 1 new follower per entry so I would need to write more than that already retardedly high number. If blogging would get me anywhere, I would probably do it more but if I wanted to get anywhere with blogging, simply writing more isn’t the way to go. I would need to do annoying twitter, tumblr, reddit, diggs, diggit, or whatever there’s available out there. I’m the most un-tech savvy techy guy ever. It’d be great if someone would do all that for me.

Boy that's a lot of numbers. We'll research what it means by using my ass to point at things on the blackboard.

Boy that’s a lot of numbers. We’ll research what it means by using my ass to point at things on the blackboard.

A little while ago, someone asked me what I wanted to be in the future and I jokingly said that I wanted to be a parasite, living off other people. That was just a dumb joke. Then I thought about it for real and I think I want to be a stay at home dad. And then I realized that that was actually just a sugar coated parasite. This isn’t just some dumb joke. Well… it is, but it’s also true. I think about whether I want kids or not and I think I do, but I know I don’t want shitty kids. Because I’m kind of a shitty person, there’s a damn good chance my kids will turn out shitty. The best chance I have at nonshitty kids is if I can actually have the time and energy to parent the child to the best of my abilities. At that point, even if the kid is still shitty, at least it’s my little piece of shit. Most parents are all busy working and making money. They spend too much time away from the child and the times that they are home, they’re too tired to spend any quality time with the child.

If she was a mom, she'd be too busy posing in front mirrors to spend time with her child. She is blinded to her own poor parenting by that stupid hat.

If she was a mom, she’d be too busy posing in front mirrors to spend time with her child. She is blinded to her own poor parenting by that stupid hat.

When I watch Two and a Half Men, it’s sad that Alan Harper is actually the character I empathize with the most because I’m the most similar to him. Alan Harper is not a character that any respectable human being should identify with. What’s even sadder is that I’m a prettier version of Alan Harper but I get laid a lot less.

 

Alan Harper got to hit that.

Alan Harper got to hit that.

And that.

And that.

Discrimination: When is it Okay? Almost Always.

I’m not condoning hateful behavior because discrimination is a lot more than that. Most of the world is rather unintelligent and they discriminate improperly and that should not be done. But that doesn’t mean nobody should ever discriminate. At its very core, discrimination is simply differentiation. Everyone is different so they should be treated differently. They should be treated fairly, but not equally. It would be retarded to test a fish on its ability to climb a tree. Just like how it’s retarded to hire a fresh off the boat Chinese person who doesn’t speak English to be your customer service representative. The person is unfit for the job not because she’s Chinese, but because he doesn’t fuckin’ speak a lick of English.

She might not speak a lick of English but she's still a great model because models don't need to talk.

She might not speak a lick of English but she’s still a great model because models don’t need to talk.

I was listening to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast where he interviewed Jason Stuart, a gay comedian. Jason was bitching about how hard it was for him to get jobs because he’s gay and how he just lost a job because he’s gay. His bitchings got on my nerve. He wasn’t having a hard time because of his sexual preference; he was having a hard time because he was being a faggot. At one point Jason said, “Am I supposed to change who I am just because I’m on a job?” Yes, Jason, you should. It’s not so crazy to ask a person to change who they are. There are lots of rapists out there who’re doing a damn fine job holding in their urges and not raping everyone they see. Should they also just be who they are?

Just like how she would need to change if she wanted an English speaking office job. She would need to speak English and stop positioning herself for fecal excretion in public.

Just like how she would need to change if she wanted an English speaking office job. She would need to speak English and stop positioning herself for fecal excretion in public.

You don’t get hired to express your feelings. Go do that on your own time when you’re not getting paid. When you’re working, you should be a good worker and stfu unless you’re spoken to. If you can’t do that, you’re just not the kind of worker they’re looking for. It has absolutely nothing to do with what you do with your penis and asshole during your free time. You’re just a bad worker who also happens to be gay. Just like how athletes are hired because they’re good athletes and not because they’re black. They just usually happen to be black.

This girl, however, is here because I googled "pretty black girl" for a picture to put here.

This girl, however, is here because I googled “pretty black girl” for a picture to put here.

There’s a fine line between differentiation and hateful discrimination. Most people are just too stupid and associate all forms of differentiation as discrimination. Sometimes there are gray areas but sometimes it’s obviously unhateful. If you’re smart enough, you won’t need to resort to being offended as a default state. Here’s a progression of statements to demonstrate what I mean. “All women have breasts.” That is just plain fact and there’s nothing sexist about it. “All women have to dress accordingly depending on how they want their breasts to look in public.” That’s still perfectly factual with nothing sexist about it. Even if they don’t care about the way they dress, the way they end up dressing still affects the way their breasts look. “All women get a positive correlation of attention from men depending on the amount of boob they’re showing.” This is starting to hit some gray areas but it’s still mostly simply fact. If there’s any negative generalization, it’s not about women behavior at all; it’s about how men are dogs. But many people out there will gladly accuse me for making a negative accusation on women behavior. Well, I’m here to pre-emptively j’accuse you first.

 

J'accuse her for showing off her boobs on purpose.

J’accuse her for showing off her boobs on purpose.

Awesome Unreleased Content From Tedgaming

I had taken my first steps into indie game development and just when I started making some pretty cool things, I got bored with life and gave up trying. I’ve made several things that the public has never seen and now I will be releasing a bunch of them here. I’m not releasing this as a gallery of what I’ve given up. It’s quite the opposite actually. I’m hoping that people will see and like this and urge me to resume my projects. You should click on the images and see everything in action.

It's kind of hard to present an animation in a screenshot. Click on it to see it in action.

It’s kind of hard to present an animation in a screenshot. Click on it to see it in action.

There are a couple things being shown here. First, I have this center of gravity in the middle of the screen that sucks the dots in and launches them back out in circular trajectories. Then I demonstrate pixel manipulation where I grab an image and make the pixels dance. I picked a text in this case but the code will work with any image. The effect itself isn’t too amazing but it taught me how to manipulate pixels and I can do a lot cooler things from here on out. I can, but I never did anything else. Anyway, let me demonstrate the effect with another picture. I should’ve removed all the unnecessary junk but I was too lazy to work on it too much. However, my laziness shows how easy it was for me to just swap the images.

I just grabbed the picture from a recent blog entry, lol.

I just grabbed the picture from a recent blog entry, lol.

The proudest game I made was PRO-R, a shoot-em-up game you can find on newgrounds, kongregate, and a bunch of other flash game sites. It was the first time I tried making a game I would enjoy playing and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I played well over 40 hours of it after I’ve released the game. Most “real” games can’t even entertain me for that long. I was surprised at how good a job I did. Then I was surprised at how poorly the game did and how I made almost no money from it. The only reason that it’s my proudest game is because it’s the only non-casual game that I’ve ever finished making. This game showed me that I’m really as good at making games as I think I am. The next games I release will be much more amazing and I would be prouder of those. I just need to finish them. Aside from the mediocre graphics, the other bad thing about this game is that it’s not very welcoming to new players. If you don’t know the optimal way to earn money and upgrade weapons, it could feel pretty grindy. I started working on a sequel and you can check that out. There are 3 weapons. Press V to auto-fire them all. You can check out each weapon with Z, X, and C. (You may need to click the screen before it lets you control with the keyboard.)

The screenshot was taken with another version of the game so you won't actually be able to use that cool green weapon.

The screenshot was taken with another version of the game so you won’t actually be able to use that cool green weapon.

There are a lot of cool things I made there and lots of variables I can tweak with the weapons. If/when I finish making this game, it’ll be so fun collecting weapons and combing them to customize them just the way you like it. You can try out some of the other fancy weapons here without enemies getting in the way.

You can play with the fancy green weapon here.

You can play with the fancy green weapon here.

This next one shows off how cool it looks when you combine varying speeds of the same weapon.

Click the image to see the awesome wings in action.

Click the image to see the awesome wings in action.

If we’re talking about cool unfinished games, we can’t forget about Tek Tactical. This was my most recent project and it was very promising. The image below will link you to the kickstarter page with a lot of info on the game and there are some playable demos in there too.

The kickstarter page has all the info on the game. The game was actually developed a bit further since this was written.

The kickstarter page has all the info on the game. The game was actually developed a bit further since this was written.

The rest of this article will be dedicated to balls. Lots of balls. I played around with a lot of balls and some of these look really cool so you should check it out. This first one shows a bunch of balls bouncing around. It may sound plain, but it’s very hypnotic and I’ve stared at them for minutes on end.

You can click the screen to reanimate the balls.

You can click the screen to reanimate the balls.

This next one has more balls and I stopped separating them when they’re at ground level.

More balls.

More balls.

I loved watching these balls bounce around so I tried to think of a way to make a game out of it. That’s when I came up with the idea of creating a ball that you can control to bump into the other balls.

You can interact with the balls.

You can interact with the balls.

I turned this into a game called B-Sort. Again, this game did very poorly in terms of making me money. Maybe the problem isn’t the games but it’s the way I publicize them. The game’s pretty neat but I often prefer just bumping the balls around with no objectives. Here’s a couple more you can play around with.

Have you ever seen this many balls?

Have you ever seen this many balls?

This was actually going to be a game called B-Climb but I never bothered finishing it.

This was actually going to be a game called B-Climb but I never bothered finishing it.

That’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed my balls and the other cools things I’ve made. My hope is that a lot of people will love this article and make it popular which might motivate me to make cooler things and finish off some of these projects. Realistically, I’ll probably only have the same 10 people reading this who reads the rest of my blog. C’mon world, prove me wrong!