Shit Stories Part X: Where Exactly Is My Asshole?

That is a question I ask myself every time I wipe my ass. I want to know this so that I can clean my asshole more effectively. I know where the crack is, that’s obvious, and I know the 5 inch diameter from which I wipe shit. However, I do not know the exact location of my asshole. I could find out by poking around until my finger goes into me but I don’t really want to do that. But if I don’t want to stick my finger in my ass, how would pinpointing the location of my asshole help me clean it better?

You got it down to 5 inches? Lucky.

You got it down to 5 inches? Lucky.

I haven’t poked around my ass too much but if I were to do it, I think I would need to poke upwards, at around 45 degrees. I think that’s the direction that leads inside me. I would be poking upwards as opposed to poking horizontally because that would just be poking where my vagina would be if I were a girl. It’s weird to analyze and write about (and read about) the finer details of an asshole.

45 degrees. Like this.

45 degrees. Like this.

A lot of guys wouldn’t want anything to poke around their assholes because they fear that it might feel gay to have something go up their ass. I’m actually not afraid of the gay part. In fact, writing this blog is actually giving me an urge to try it out. The main thing that’s stopping me is sanitation (or sanity). I don’t want to use my finger because I don’t want to get shit on it. I don’t know how much shit is in a passive asshole and I’m not about to find out with my own naked finger. I don’t want to use disposable gloves because I’m THAT cheap, even though it’s only a couple cents. And I don’t want to use any of my household tools because it would get tainted for life.

Do you want to borrow the vines from my house?

Do you want to borrow the vines from my house?

…Umm… the more I’m writing about this, the more I’m actually curious about fingering my own ass. I shall give strangers on the internet power over my life. If this entry gets more than 100 likes, I will finger my own ass. If it turns out to be a terrible experience, I will have hilarious new material to write about. Even if I don’t get 100 likes, I would probably do it if I read a very convincing testimony. If it turns out that I like it and I don’t have anything funny to say, well, you will have made my shitty life a little better… and gayer. It’s a win-win.

You should try two fingers.

You should try two fingers.

13 thoughts on “Shit Stories Part X: Where Exactly Is My Asshole?

    • Yup, that’s the plan if I ever decide to explore my asshole. I still wouldn’t want to try it under normal circumstances though. Especially because I usually have little open wounds on my finger from hangnails and the idea of shit re-entering my body is pretty nasty.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed my blog. I hope you’ll be able to appreciate (or at least tolerate) my homophobic humor (wherever they might pop up) and understand that it doesn’t come from hate. Your approval would really mean a lot to me. Now I just need to find some black people and retards to approve of me as well.

  1. Pingback: Shit Stories Part XI: Anal Pleasures | Sad. Funny. Truthful.

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  3. the exact location of yr asshole is subject to gravity, rotation, revolution, insurrection, inertia, aesthetics,,astronomy, deuteronomy, apocalypse now. Just try to keep it away from yr eyes. you seem to be doing a stellar job. from an immeasurable distance that does not aim to quantify the stench, i applaud the effort.

  4. you should come to Thailand where you can wash your ass with a blast of barely pure water. Then simply pat down. Then stop thinking about your ass, just for a minute. There. Better?

  5. I know how you feel. I recently had piles and had to rub cream on to them. I couldn’t locate the exact area to apply the cream so I ended up smearing it in between the crack hoping gravity or luck would do the trick.

    • It’s actually pretty hard to identify the specific locations of all of our body parts that we can’t see. The asshole just happens to be the one we visit most frequently and is funnier because it’s where shits, farts, and homos reside.

  6. Oh gosh, this is hilarious, I’m so happy I came here! I wish my one like would count as 88, because for some reason I really want to hear about you fingering your asshole. Awesome blog! 😀

If you liked what you read, please comment. As a blogger with few followers, I need the affirmation lol.

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