Porns and Recreation

In short, this is a compilation of a bunch of observations I have about porn. I’ve made a lot of observations because I’m an avid porn collector. …I just stared at the screen for 20 minutes trying to think of the next line that would justify that remark but I can’t come up with anything. I guess that’s just honestly who I am now, plain and simple. I mean, I spent all of last night binge browsing for new videos to collect and I’m writing about it right now so porn is pretty much my whole life. This entry is a composition of my musings from one night of porn browsing.


Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

It’s not uncommon for guys complain about fake tits. But it is uncommon to hear guys praising fake tits. I don’t get it. Why don’t I hear more people praising them? I’ll be the first to say I love fake tits as much as I love real ones. Maybe I only think that because anything is better than nothing and I’ve always had nothing. Or maybe I just have weird tastes because I also often prefer girls with glasses. There’s a porn video called Girls With Glasses but 1 minute into the video, one of the girls takes off her glasses, wtf?

That's like the equivalent of me saying I'm going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

That’s like the equivalent of me saying I’m going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

Speaking of porn titles, when guys see the name of their girlfriend or their ex, they simply have to check out the video. The chance of it being the same girl is nearly impossible but we just have to make sure. It’s a bit of a weird mentality. Kind of like how sometimes I’ll see a girl that looks decent but isn’t nearly as good as some of the girls in other videos that I have but I keep the video anyway because I’d feel sorry for her if I deleted it. That’s a really fucked up kind of sympathy.

"Eeeeee-okay I'll keep this video" - fucked up sympathy face.

“Eeeeee-okay I’ll keep this video” – fucked up sympathy face.

I’m a very hardcore fan. When I like something, I need to have EVERYTHING. This applies to games, movies, tv shows, comedians, actors, and porn actors. Some of the videos aren’t even good but I keep it anyway because I’m such a loyal fan. Evidently, I like porn a lot so I’m basically downloading all the porn which proves to be problematic in many ways. I’ve complained about my internet a few times on this blog already. I switched internet service providers a couple months ago and I’ve been having problems ever since. I have this problem where I can’t surf the web when I’m downloading stuff. So now I have to choose between downloading porn, or continue browsing for videos to add to my huge ass porn queue.

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. ...Not every caption's gonna be comedy gold, okay?

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. …Not every caption’s gonna be comedy gold, okay?

Now I’m not literally downloading all the porn because that would be insane. Like many other men, I don’t enjoy seeing penises when I engage in sexual activity and masturbation is my only sexual activity. So I basically just download all the lesbian porn. I’ve recently discovered that my porn preference is even more specific and it’s fairly odd. It turns out that I don’t like sexy girls. I actually don’t like watching sex, not even lesbian sex. I basically just enjoy watching pretty girls doing anything as long as they’re nude. On some rare occasions, I keep softcore porn that has guys in it. In those cases, I prefer the guy to be offscreen as much as possible and when he’s on screen, I prefer that he’s clothed. Again, sexiness isn’t part of the equation for me. It’s all about naked girls and boobies. I’m pretty sure this won’t bode well in my future sex life, if I ever get one.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn't turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won't get into here since this entry is super long already.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn’t turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won’t get into here since this entry is super long already.

I’m still fairly young and I’ve lived with my parents all my life. It just makes sense to watch porn with no sound, especially when I’m watching while other people are home. Every so often, I would be home alone and I decide to unmute the porn to enjoy it at its fullest. Maybe it’s because I’m used to getting sexually aroused with no sound, but the girls’ sexual cries actually make me uncomfortable and I end up re-muting the video most of the time. I feel sorry for the girl who takes my virginity because I’m such a sexual disaster.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

But hey, there’s a good chance that no girls will ever have to go through that because I might never lose my virginity. I’ve previously written about my misadventures on craigslist and it seems I just never learn from my mistakes because I’m visiting craigslist again. The response rate is relatively low and I just get spam ads for sex sites most of the time. I sent off some emails a couple days ago and this time I haven’t gotten a single response, not even spam. I’m so lonely that I even miss the spam. That’s just sad and retarded.

I might as well join her and do whatever she's doing.

I might as well join her and do whatever she’s doing.

I may be young, but I’m getting older and I’m at the age now where most of my life, I’m used to seeing “working people” as people who are older than me. By working, I mean anything that pays pretty much: restaurant waiters, grocery store clerks, customer service representatives, actors, porn actors, and literally everything else. But now I’m at an age where I start to see “working people” who are younger than me. It makes me feel old, especially when I’m jerking off to a younger girl. I saw a video with a guy who looked much younger than me. I was pissed enough just from seeing a guy in my porn, but I actually found myself getting really mad that he’s so young and he’s getting laid while I’m still a virgin and he’s rubbing it in my face.

Just like how she's rubbing in everything I don't have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

Just like how she’s rubbing in everything I don’t have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

In the far foreseeable future, my only sex partner will be my hand. My intolerance for dicks in porn saddens me. Not because I want to be more gay-curious, but because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of hot girls who appear exclusively in straight videos. Browsing through the titles, II recognized the name of a girl from lesbian videos. The girl was brunette and now she’s blonde and she looks great both ways. I want to add that to my rotation but there’s a damn dick in this new video.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

Because I’m only looking for lesbian porn, when I see the word “gay” in the title, I actually click to check and see if they might be using the term broadly to include lesbianism. As much as I hate seeing dicks, I actually don’t mind checking out a gay video just to make sure I don’t want it. Speaking of dicks, I had a long discussion with a friend about whether dicks are more often circumcised or not and we used porn for reference.

I won't post dick pics but this picture looks like there's a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

I won’t post dick pics but this picture looks like there’s a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

Even though I never use videos with dicks, I have seen a lot of them when I scan through videos. I have seen hundreds of dicks. It makes me sad to know how true that statement is. I’m circumcised and my friend is not. I thought that the majority of men in North America are circumcised and my friend thinks they’re not. We actually looked it up in wikipedia. If you think I’m kind of disgusting, then you don’t have respect for knowledge. To truly respect knowledge means you can casually google dicks with your guy friends for research. The findings are inconclusive and that kind of makes sense since we’re not asked about our penises in the census. What’s surprising is that I use porn as source that most dicks are circumcised but my friend insists that most porn he has seen do not have circumcised dicks and he claims he’s more knowledgeable because he watches straight porn, unlike me. He may have watched dicks longer than I have, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more different dicks because I watch (a lot) more porn. I’m an intelligent person and I realized that I might actually be wrong about the circumcised porn dicks. It’s true that I have seen hundreds of dicks, but I rarely see dick heads. I usually just see the shaft and I move on to the next video.

I'm so phallic-phobic that I don't even like the metal shafts here.

I’m so phallic-phobic that I don’t even like the metal shafts here.

I’m going to end this entry here. I actually have a lot more notes taken down but this entry is getting long and I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve been writing less lately and just generally been doing nothing so this has been a lot of work for me. You should appreciate it.

I'm going to go pass out on a bed except I won't be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

I’m going to go pass out on a bed except I won’t be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

9 thoughts on “Porns and Recreation

  1. As ever, this has been insightful, Ted, and I’m glad you’ve shared this with us. For what it’s worth, I agree with you on the circumcised cock issue. Gathered from my own porn research, I would honestly think that the majority of North American men are indeed circumcised, where as the rest of the world’s dicks probably aren’t. I think this may have something to do with Jewish influence in your country from Hollywood and the media, although I can imagine that there may be a rise in circumcised cocks throughout the globe, so to speak.

    • I know there are a lot of jews and they’re circumcised. I know jew have a lot of influence in hollywood but I don’t know how that might affect the masses to get circumcised since they don’t talk about it THAT often on tv and movies as far as I’m aware. If by media, you mean porn, then sure, it probably has some strong influence.

      I think there was a hype in earlier years that circumcision leads to better hygiene so parents who try to be good parents would get their boys circumcised. I also think I’ve read somewhere that circumcised dicks are more aesthetically appealing to women. So I guess that’s another reason to do it. From my research, I think the main downfall is that a lot of sensitive nerve endings get cut which reduces sexual pleasure. That sounds like a huge sacrifice. You know the state of mind where someone who doesn’t want to diet debates whether life is worth living if they don’t get to eat the foods they want? I kinda felt like that when I read about the weakened sexual pleasure thing.

  2. Chinese guys born in Canada aren’t usually cut unless if their parents are more Canadianized. To tolerate dicks in porn you just have to imagine it is your dick.

    • I was actually born in Hong Kong and I was circumcised there, not at birth though. I still remember every detail of that day because it was kinda traumatizing. I’ll write a (short?) entry about it since it’s quite entertaining.

      I guess this is where my weak sense of empathy has the most negative effect on me: I can’t watch straight porn. I used to not want to see any presence of men in my porn at all. Now, I think I can tolerate seeing a man pounding a woman as long as I don’t actually see the dick head, especially in close up.

    • You may be right, Ted, and I’m happy to give you credit for having more knowledge on North American dicks than me. But I do feel sad for circumcised men in general, because you’re right again, there is much pleasure from having a foreskin and I take pride in my own. You will never know what it’s like to block your own piss with it until it expands like a balloon or the feeling of a girl giving you a hand job without her grazing it violently. I think we should all say a silent prayer for the lost foreskins out there, where ever they may be.

      • Thank you so much for telling me about the urine foreskin balloon. Until now, I never really cared for my circumcised dick but I’m so glad I never had to experience that. On the other hand, my urine stream is often split when I pee and I imagine you don’t have that problem since the foreskin tunnels the urine.

  3. Urine foreskin balloons aren’t something to dismiss, Ted, there is amusement to be had in the creation of these spectacles and women are sexually aroused more by the size of your urine foreskin balloon than by the actual dick. It’s a fact. Foreskin tunneling is surprisingly not very effective though and it’s better to pull it back when urinating because it can cause a kind of fanning effect similar to firing a supersoaker at the edge of a wall; it’s hard to direct. I would say the foreskin’s main use is to protect the head in it’s own little shell like a tortoise. Circumcised dicks are permanently out in the cold, scared and vulnerable like orphaned children living on the streets.

  4. Yup. Urine foreskin balloons are just as attractive as snot bubbles, right? I thought split stream was bad but fanning is a lot worse.

    The warm thing is actually pretty interesting. I had a discussion with a friend about penis passive states. There’s a shrunken one and there’s a hanging one that looks bigger. Maybe uncircumcised dicks hang more often because they’re warmer. So far, my only stats are from me, my friend, George Costanza (Jason Alexander) from Seinfeld, and Jerry (Rick Shapiro) from Lucky Louie.

  5. Pingback: SFT Podcast Episode 3 – Reading, Porn, Borderlands | Sad. Funny. Truthful.

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