I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Actually, I know that I’m doing with it; I’m doing absolutely nothing with it and have no intentions of doing anything with it either. I don’t want to spiral into another depressing rant so I’ll just cut to the part where I find that I’ve got a keen sense of comedy and maybe I should try to do something with it. I figured I’ll start a blog to pour my comedy into and see if it gets me anywhere. 120 blog entries later, my blog is still hardly recognized. I have tried a number of things to get people to see it but they turned out to be exercises in futility. Here is a list of 8 of these things:
1. Create Lots of Quality Content
I’ve written freakin’ over 10 entries. They’re not all award winning masterpieces but a couple of them have literally won awards from wordpress (These aren’t esteemed awards or anything, but at least it shows that some people really liked them. Trust me, I honestly don’t think very highly of these.) The handful of people who see my work really love it but the problem is that not enough people gets to see it. There are simply too many bloggers out there and my blog falls instantly into obscurity the moment I publish it. Okay, so let me try to get more people to see it.
2. Adding Tags For Search Engine Optimization
I need to make it possible for people to find my blog so I add plenty of relevant tags. I have used 570 tags and the site keeps good track of how people enter the site so I know exactly how few people are able to find the site on their own. I even created a word cloud game with all these tags that I’ve used. I can also see the search engine terms and although they’re hilarious to look at, the person probably didn’t find what they were looking for in my blog. “girl shit diarrhea after”: I’ve written about girls and I’ve written about diarrhea, but not together. “photo penis gay masturbation erection”: I’ve written about each of those words individually but I’ve never written about gay masturbation and I surely don’t have any photos of that.
3. Following Other People’s Blogs
When you follow another person’s blog, wordpress sends them an email and tells them to check out my blog in return. I shamefully admit that I’ve gone around blindly following others without reading their blog in order to make my blog more visible. That is how I got a couple hundred followers but now I suspect that the majority of them didn’t actually read my blog either. I’ve gotten some of my biggest followers this way but this method is too slow to be practical. It’ll never lead to virality and would take years to reach any substantial number.
4. Using My Social Networks
The biggest flaw with this is that it requires me to have a social network to begin with, which I don’t. If I had one, it would solve a lot of my problems but how is a person supposed to get one to begin with? A social network is one of those things that some people just have and if you don’t have one, there’s not much you can do to get a good one. I have 0 followers on twitter because I don’t have an account and 99% of my facebook friends completely ignore me. I only have 90 facebook friends so mathematically, I’m saying that only 1 person responds to me and he doesn’t even respond every time. Reddit isn’t any help either if I can’t get a few friends to bump it up when I create the post.
5. Write Edgy or Controversial Content
I don’t have a lot of boundaries so a lot of the stuff I write is edgy to begin with. That didn’t seem to suffice so I wrote some controversial and provocative things. All that accomplished was offending one gay guy. I found an hugely popular article about a Pixar Theory which tries to explain how all the Pixar movies are all intertwined. I wrote a response entry that attacks it a little and linked it in the comment section to try to feed off some of those readers. I actually got a couple hundred views from this stunt but all it accomplished was get me 3 haters.
6. Write Clean Content
I’m capable of writing clean content so I decided to write a few clean ones just to see if more people would like that. I thought that I was still able to write some pretty funny clean jokes but my hardcore followers just told me I should go back to writing dirty shit jokes.
7. Add Pictures to Engage Readers
I’ve been adding images for my last 40 entries. It all started during one of my many shit stories that people seems to love reading about. One of the shit stories got a follower who was this sexy young girl and I suspected that she didn’t actually read it and I called her out on it. Turned out that I made an ass and a dick out of myself but it created this funny idea of putting pictures of pretty girls in my shit stories to create a bittersweet juxtaposition. I started adding funny caption, akin to cracked style, and I wound up adding pictures and captions for all my entries, not just the ones about shit. People love it but they were the same people who already love my blog. The pictures didn’t get me any new readers.
8. Write About Popular Things
Instead of just writing my shit stories, I’ve also tried writing about movies, video games, and tv shows that I like but it didn’t help make my blog more visible. Too many people already write about these things and at the end of the day, it’s just really hard to find new blogs when there are so many out there. Even if the blog has great original content, and I’m going to assume that I do, it’s still really hard to overcome the odds and succeed. I hope you’ve learned from my experience and know that trying these things alone is not enough to get a popular blog. You’ll need to do more than this or just do a better job at these than I did, for example, by having more friends than I do.