Nothing Learned

Fuck… I just woke up at 4am from a weird dream. Last night, in real life, my mom was being her usual kind-of-bitchy self and then in my dream, she hit her head and became dumber and slower. You can actually see her take a couple seconds to think and process every time she enters a room. In real life, she’s loud and dumb but in the dream, she became quiet after she hit her head and I actually felt really bad for her and gave her a hug. Then I woke up and my throat burns. I think I threw up a little during my sleep, that’s the kind of burn it feels like. When writing this, it almost a sounds like I threw up at the thought of caring for my mom.

I took a moment and thought about whether I should feel bad for the normal way I crappily treat my mom and decided that I have no need to change my behaviour because there’s no other way to react to her current bitchiness. At least now I know that I will actually care for my mom and my life will improve if she hits her head and becomes stupider.

…I don’t have time to finish this short blog before she just walked down the stairs and bitched at me again. You know what she’s bitching about? The fact that I’m awake, even though I’m supposed to drive her to work… Doesn’t make sense? Welcome to my world. This momentous dream feels like it completely changed the cynical way I’ve been thinking of my mom, but it doesn’t change anything. Nothing learned. Nothing to learn…

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