My friend was at my house one day and we randomly decided to record me playing DJ Max Ray because he found it hilarious that I lube up to play the game. The videos aren’t too interesting. It’s funny to hear my friend laugh and you can also get a glimpse at how good I am at music games. Unfortunately, it’s a useless life skill. I recommend skipping the 2nd video because it’s the least interesting one.
Yesterday, I asked another girl on facebook for a sexual favor and she seems pretty offended. So far, 3/5 girls I asked have gotten clearly offended. The other 2 might’ve been offended too, but they were at least able to maintain composure (all of this is on facebook). It baffles me. Why get offended? If I made a physical advance, then that’s legit reason to get offended, but I didn’t. Asking is as respectable as possible. What, am I supposed to pretend they’re not girls and I don’t have hormones? I find THAT offensive, to pretend like we’re above our biochemical bodies.
Now, I’m not completely ignorant on why it’s offensive. The main argument is that I’m objectifying them or some shit like that. It’s a stupid argument. Human bodies are objects, so I’m not objectifying anything, I’m just not following the delusional trend to pretend like it’s more sacred than it is. This doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath because I do respect people and their consciousness. That’s why I ask for permission instead of making rape-y presumptions. I get denied permission, and I respect that. I don’t question it any further. So why get offended? There’s no rational reason for that.
The other possible argument is that I don’t value our friendship. … What friendship? The term “friends” gets tosses around way too lightly. I think people should start using the term “familiars” because that’s what most people are to me. We’ve seen each other several times, we’re nice and friendly with each other and we have the potential to become friends, but we’re not. Even if we were friends at one point, after not talking or seeing each other for several years, the relationship would have dropped to being familiars. There’s nothing wrong with that. It is what it is.
I also wonder if there are misconceptions when I ask for these sexual favors. If these girls think that I’m asking for free prostitution, then sure, it might not be nice, but they should clarify that with me because that’s not what I’m asking for. But these girls are so uncomfortable by this point that I never get to elaborate. I’m just a depressed and lonely guy who wants a bit of physical contact, mostly in the form of hugs and cuddles (and maybe some boob action), and form a relationship with someone. I’m a nice and generous person but I have no one to be nice and generous to, and that breaks my heart as a utilitarian to see it go to waste. Relationship is a weird word too. I use that word in the broadest sense which encompasses but is not limited to what we normally define as relationships.
Look, I’m a decent looking guy and that’s going to be wasted because I’m just going to continue getting old and get less attractive. When I ask these sexual favors, I’m hoping to develop a mutually beneficial relationship. I guess it doesn’t work though because girls already pretty much get to fuck anyone anytime they want.
I wrestle with this a lot. I’m not exactly suicidal, but I’ve pretty much got no will to live and nothing to live for. I generally try not to make other people depressed. Because I’m already depressed and it’s pretty contagious, I cut myself off from other people which eventually makes me more depressed. I think girls underestimate the power of their boobs. I’m a strong young man with lots of potential and I’m completely enslaved to boobs. If I die, my life and potential would be wasted. Boobs can grant me life. A constant supply of boobs can get me to do anything. And it’s so taunting because they’re everywhere. Boobs…
For several months, I thought I had my sexual urges suppressed pretty well but it’s randomly emerging again. Tack that on my already depressed and loner lifestyle makes life very irritating for me. Enough ranting… I guess I’ll just go and burn the rest of my bridges. I’d generally like to think that I’m a good person, but then I go around spreading these bad vibes… at Christmas… I guess that makes me a dirty little yellow chinese grinch.