Positive to Negative …to Death…

For once I was actually going to write a happy blog post. I’ve been doing a lot of shit lately from writing code, to taking care of a sickly person, to cooking a bunch of awesome shits, to putting out a persistent stove fire (unrelated to my cooking – I didn’t start that fire!). I was going to call this blog post The Incredible Ted of All Trades. It was almost obnoxiously positive. But what do you know, before I got a chance to write that, my mood turned to shit (from identifiable reasons) and I’m back to writing the same old gloomy shit.

The death part just got added to the title. It seems almost inappropriate for me to still write about the positive parts and tack on the death in the end, but I’m going to do that because whatever, fuck it. The past few days actually started pretty good. Let me just reiterate the same old story: my uncle’s very sickly with cancer so I’ve been living with him and my aunt lately to help out. Two days ago, in the afternoon, I heard my cousin and my aunt fighting a stove fire. My cousin was panicky but my aunt was cool-headed so I just watched from afar and let them take care of it. After many seconds, almost a minute, the fire seems to be persisting so I walked over to help. They had an electric stove and they surrounded it with aluminum foil so that it’s easier to clean. The fire seemed to be burning the foil, under the coil, where you can’t reach. My aunt tried to cover the flame with a wet towel to cut off the oxygen, but that didn’t work – the fire could breath through the towel. After trying it three times or so, it was evident that we needed to do more as the fire was getting a little stronger, but not spreading, so we weren’t in any emergency state. My cousin wanted to turn off the stove but the fire was just barely covering the switch and she was too scared to reach in. I reached in and turned it off, all cool and shit.

We needed to find something else to fight the fire with. My aunt just cleaned the stove the day before for Chinese New Year so if it was possible, she didn’t want to do anything drastic that would take forever to clean up again. I suggested that she should try to find more towels to use because the one she was using clearly wasn’t enough. I noticed that the flame was able to breath through the other stovetop coil holes. I opened the oven just to check if the flame has spread below and whether it could breath from there too. I found oven pans and used them to cover all the coil holes. That ought to cut of the air. Because it was covered, I couldn’t see whether the fire was put out. I wouldn’t open it to check because that’ll feed it oxygen again. I felt that the pans got very warm so I had to assume the fire was still alive. I thought of using sand to kill the fire but I knew we don’t have sand lying around so I thought of what would be a feasible substitute for that – maybe flour or other powders. I walked over to my computer to do a quick google search and people have suggested using baking soda. So I started preparing the next step. I asked my aunt for baking soda or flour or other powders and she suggested flour because that was cheaper and more readily available. I didn’t know if flour was flammable so I would’ve started off by sprinkling a bit on the fire to test it. Being logical excuses me from being knowledgeable in problem solving. If flour was flammable, pouring a bunch in right away would cause an explosion. That would’ve been way worse. I was smart enough not to do that. It is probable that flour is flammable too because pastries can burn when they’re overcooked.

I prepared to use flour to attack the fire. I lifted the pan and saw that the fire had died. Problem solved. I still don’t know if flour would’ve stimulated the fire. I can easily google it but I won’t. I already thought of better alternatives. Later that night, I thought about where I might find sand and remembered that it’s winter and there’s snow everywhere. Then I realized that snow might be useful. I could also grab some soil from plant pots inside the house. Now that I have my plans, I’m even less afraid of fire. I’m not deluded into thinking that I saved the house from burning down or anything. In all likelihood, my aunt would’ve been able to successfully beat the fire on her own but I definitely helped end it quicker.

That covers the fire story. I could probably just have this as a post on its own but I’m going to keep going and write about all recent events. … Later that night, my uncle reported that he could no longer see out of the bottom half of his right eye. He had fallen earlier that day, in the morning – when everyone was asleep, so he might have hit his head. I mentioned that he had become kind of retarded already so it’s hard to know what happened but he hadn’t reported any new pains or hitting his head so we just left him alone all day. With the new eye problem, we needed to take him to the emergency room. I drove around and helped carry him a lot. I’ve been doing that a lot lately already. They did CAT scans and x rays and he doesn’t appear to have any new problems. My uncle had to go back to the hospital the next day for dialysis and chemotherapy so we had him stay in the emergency room overnight. I stayed overnight with my aunt. My cousin went home because she had work the next day. I went back to the house to cook some warm food for my aunt and myself to eat at the hospital. The next day, I went back to the house again to cook more food. I cooked quite a lot of pretty good shit. I rarely cook so I give myself even more pats on the back for the quality I was able to dish out. Not only that, but I also cooked a wide variety of things and did it all very quickly and efficiently. I hesitate to list the foods I made because it’s mainly Chinese and won’t sound good to most people. The first night I made ramen, chicken with sticky rice, and potato wedges. These were all frozen shit so no special cooking skills were used there. The second day I fried up some carrot cake, taro cake, and rice cake. I also wrapped up some tortillas with chicken and lettuce. The carrot and taro cakes I basically only needed to make sure I don’t burn but I still did a kickass job frying it to a perfect golden brown. The rice cake took more actual cooking skills, especially when I didn’t have all necessary ingredients in the house. I made some substitutes and cooked it all up awesomely. I actually felt pretty good about myself for once but everything goes downhill from there.

That was the positive section. I think I’m going to skip the negative section because the death section will cover some of the same topics. That last meal I cooked was for yesterday’s dinner. This morning, we were planning to eat out for Chinese New Year, just a little breakfast, and then we would be back in the hospital for the foreseeable future. After we sat down and placed our orders, we got a call from the hospital informing us that my uncle was having difficulty breathing and that we should go see him. When we got to the hospital, I offered to park the car so his wife and daughters can go in quicker. By the time I went into the room, my cousins and my aunt were all crying. He had already died. He died before they got there. (I’m not a fan of euphemisms like saying “passed away”…) He died much sooner than we expected. I don’t have many unique thoughts about the way he died so I’ll skip that. I may dedicate an entire post for that another day, but I won’t get into it now. The way I see it, my uncle has been dead for a while now. I lived at his house with him for about 4 weeks, right after he discharged from palliative care. He was in there because he wanted to die already. The first week I was with him, he was pretty much still alive. He seemed extremely depressed and bored with life, but he still tried to talk and watch tv every so often. He got bored of those very quickly, but at least he tried. For the last three weeks, he just sat and lied around with absolutely no joy. Nobody bothered talking to him anymore. They “talked” to ask him whether he needs water or food or to move and stuff, but no real conversations. His daughters in particular tried to talk to him every so often, but he didn’t seem to care and even his daughters didn’t bother trying to talk to him anymore in the past week. I’m not saying my cousins did anything wrong, because their dad would often look annoyed at their feeble attempts to converse with their dumb stories from work. Basically, his life was over already and his body just carried on for another few weeks.

I wrote all that because I was a bit bothered at all the crying. I wasn’t bothered because I think crying is weak or some shit like that, but I was bothered because it seemed almost fake to me. The reason I say that is because he was already dead to them, socially. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t write. He didn’t want to talk even if he could. The night before, my cousins were just chatting away at his bedside with their normal chatter. At one point, I think I heard my uncle shoo them away because they were annoying. Sure, their dad was sick for years and they can’t go on feeling down about it forever, but that’s the thing, they’re already over it. The actual death itself shouldn’t be that big a deal. I’m not doubting that they genuinely felt sad and wanted to cry, but it just frustrates me that I don’t understand how most people feel. Is it only because I don’t have anyone I currently love and care for? That’s part of it, but I don’t think it’s that simple. Some people might say I would feel different if it were my own parents. I highly doubt that. While everyone was crying, I didn’t cry at all. I don’t know if that looked bad, as if I was being too cold. I think the coolest look would be to maintain complete composure (no red eyes or nose) but with a few tears sliding down my face. (Prior to this, the night before, while I was bored overnight in the emergency room, I remembered an earlier blog post where I mentioned I was so depressed, I’m probably constantly less than a minute away from crying if I just don’t hold it back. I tested that out and I was able to shed a few tears without needing to try too hard.) I brought up that parenthetical story because I didn’t try to do that just to “look cool” based on the image I described earlier. This whole death thing is not about me.

They cried next to the body for about an hour. During that time I yawned a few times and some tears came out. I don’t think those tears count but I thought it was related enough to mention. Now that I’m on tangents, I also thought it might be funny to tickle a severely depressed or emo person to see them laugh involuntarily. I don’t know… I guess that’s pretty much all I’ve got to say about this. I thought I might have more to say about the death-sadness thing but I guess I don’t. Hey, maybe I am affected by death after all.

Criminally Bad Sense Of Humor

We all know people who are not funny but they think they’re funny and they try to shove their “jokes and wit” down your throat. I exempt myself from that group because I don’t shove anything down anyone’s throats. I might write a lot of crap that you don’t find funny, but I’m not forcing you to read any of it. If you hate it, you’re shoving it down your own throat – not my fault.

I don’t know if there’s already a term for unfunny people who think they’re funny, but I will refer to them as humor criminals from this point forward. I’m not just being harsh here because I enjoy all kinds of humor: slapstick, dumb, childish, immature, smart, clever, puns, racist, offensive, absurd, everything. I usually don’t express my enjoyment in the form of laughter, but I still enjoy them. Almost everything can be funny. I’m all for exploring every topic, but it becomes criminal behavior when a person repeats something that’s not funny. A swing and a miss is perfectly fine, but don’t go continuing swinging and hit me in the head with it.

What’s funny and what’s not funny is very subjective. If you tell me a joke and I don’t like it, that’s fine, we don’t have to agree on everything. But once I tell you that it’s not funny to me, if you repeat the joke in front of me, that’s deliberately excluding me and that’s what offends me, not the unfunny joke itself.

…I thought I had more to say but then I lost interest in this topic. I “coined a term” for no reason because I never referred to it again. I don’t even know how to end this. I thought maybe I should end with a joke but it’s pretty hard to force a joke. Umm… given my history of thinking up blogs to write while I’m taking a shit, I went to take a shit to see if I can wrap this up. I couldn’t think of anything else to write and I ended up running out of toilet paper… in the whole house… so my day is pretty much ruined.

It’s Wrong To Find Humor In Misery… Or Is It?

I will start this off with a real life example. My uncle’s pretty much retarded now from being too drugged up and lacking physical and mental exercise for several months. He can’t walk on his own anymore and for the past 3 nights, he’s been getting up on his own and falling down. A couple hours ago, he had a particularly big fall. I rushed downstairs to help bring him back to bed. When I came downstairs, what I saw was an old man fell over with his pants fallen down to his knees, just enough to show his full ass. After I made sure he wasn’t seriously hurt, I started laughing in my head at the absurdity of someone’s pants falling down as they trip.

Is it okay to find that funny? Yes it is. I think most people would agree too. I wouldn’t laugh at my uncle in front of his face because he doesn’t need to feel any more embarrassed on top of turning retarded. Laughing at in the moment would be inappropriate, but after the fact, it’s pretty funny. The problem I have with this situation is that anyone can easily tell me it’s wrong to find it funny and they would feel so god damn smug about it.

People who would disapprove of me finding humor in these things are assholes. The only reason they can be so judgemental about it is because they live in a fairy land where good things always happen and all bad things should be frowned upon. They live a censored life where they don’t see any deaths even though there are people dying every minute from crime, disease, war, and famine. They don’t have any retards in their lives to ruin their day. If they do, they have the well-behaved retards, not the violent ones with crazy retard strength. It’s easy to patronize me for finding humor at the expense of others getting hurt but that’s not what’s happening. I’m not creating humor at anyone’s expense. The situation is undeniably sad but it happened and feeling sad about it isn’t going to make it not happen. Sad shit is constantly happening around me. Would it make some people happier if I just reacted appropriately sad all day? Well fuck them and their happiness in the ass. If I have to live through such a disproportionately unhappy life, they don’t have the right to take away any tiny moment of joy I can find.

I’m Nice But Also Pretty Weird

I just came back from shoveling the snow. I don’t mind shoveling the snow because I just treat it as exercise. If I didn’t shovel the snow, I would just do push-ups to expend the same amount of energy, so why not do something productive with it. Actually, I wouldn’t do push-ups – I would just get fat – so shoveling the snow is really good for me.

When I finished, I still had plenty of extra energy left. I see the neighbour coming home and shoveling his driveway. He hadn’t shoveled it all night so he had a lot of snow. Because I’m living at my aunt’s, I don’t know the neighbours at all. I wanted to help him out, but I didn’t want to talk to him. I normally dislike talking to people already but I also had headphones on so it was extra reason for me to not talk to him. If I just started trespassing on his property and started shoveling, it would have been super weird, especially if I ignore him when he tries to talk to me. So, as much as I’d like to help out, I didn’t, and it was entirely because I didn’t want to talk to the guy, not even if he just said thanks. Yes, I’m weird.

SFT Podcast Episode 36 – Grey Chapter One

I finish reading chapter one of 50 Shades of Grey. It was most unamusing. There was one line that I enjoyed. I also think that my voice got progressively shittier throughout the episode. I hope it’s alright.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0036-Grey_Chapter_One.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/W-UBT_04srM

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

SFT Podcast Episode 35 – PSW Man Talk, Dumb Honesty

Before reading 50 Shades of Grey, I did a 30 minute podcast of rambling about stuff. I think this episode is alright. It’s probably better than the next one…

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/dyszu1jjwmafaj3/SFT-0035-PSW_Man_Talk%2CDumb_Honesty.mp3?m=

Youtube: http://youtu.be/gyz5wnvsLE4

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Tek Tactical Guide

For non-gamers, this might be boring for you. This post is a guide for Tek Tactical, a game I just recently published. Maybe this guide might intrigue you to try the game out. The main place to play Tek Tactical is on newgrounds.

This is the link to the old videos that roughly goes over how to access each menu.

Content:

Menus

Player Stats Menu

More Stats Menu

Equipment Menu

Skill Menu

Weapon Attachment Menu (Customize)

Weapon Fusion Menu

Achievement Menu

Shop Menu (Buy)

Shop Menu (Sell)

Stock Market Menu

Bank Menu

Setting Menu

Gameplay

Tips

Menus

There are many menus in this game. I will go over each one of them. You don’t need to learn all the menus all at once. You can survive several stages without dabbling in the menus at all.

Player Stats Menu

You don’t really do anything in this menu. It’s just a place for you to view your stats. Let me go over the effects of the 4 main stats:

Strength – Increases your attack power and weight capacity. It also moderately increases max hp and critical damage.

Endurance – Increases max hp and defense by a lot. Also moderately increases weight capacity.

Agility – Increases your character’s movement speed and hp regeneration speed. Moderately increases item manget range.

Luck – Increases every stat by a bit and also increases item drop rate and the number of bullets you pick up. Increases item magnet range by a lot.

Whenever you level up, you gain one of every stat and 2 free stat points for you to distribute. All builds have their advantages but endurance is generally the best stat. It’s also good to note that the higher a stat, the higher the effect it grants. For example, gaining 1 strength from 900 strength to 901 strength gives you greater effects than 20 strength to 21 strength.

More Stats Menu

You access this menu from the button at the top of the player stats menu. There’s not much to explain here. It’s a menu for you to see all the game statistics so you have an idea of what the game keeps track of for you to earn achievements and more experience for your skills.

Equipment Menu

This is one of the most important menus in the game. The best way to get stronger is to equip the awesome loots you find from killing the enemies. Near the top of the menu, you choose what type of equipment you want to change, and then the window will show you what you can choose from.

w1, w2, w3, w4 are primary weapon slots. You only start off with w1 and w2 and you’ll unlock the other two as you progress the game.

t1 is your grenade slot. The t stands for throw.

t2 is your melee slot. You throw your melee weapons in this game.

r1, r2, r3, r4 are your ring slots. Rings give you great stats boosts so be sure to equip your rings. You unlock more skill slots as you earn more achievements. You can view the achievement menu to see the requirement and rewards for all the achievements.

head slot is for you to equip special heads that you can purchase in the shop with ad credits. Heads change the appearance of your character and also affects your stats.

body slot is for you to equip special bodies that you can purchase (blah blah blah, just like the heads).

Skill Menu

You can access the skill menu by clicking the “switch to skills” button at the top of the equipment menu. Skills grant you excellent passive effects and can be leveled up infinitely. The more you use your skills, the more skill experience you get and the more bonus money you’ll get. Some of the later skills grant incredible powers and completely change the way you play the game.

Weapon Attachment Menu

This is where to apply attachments to your weapons. You access this menu by click the “customize” button at the bottom of the screen. First you choose your weapon. Your w1 weapon is selected for you by default. Then on the right side, you select the attachment slot you want to apply. When you hover over each section, it’ll show you whether or not you have attachments to use. Then you click it and select the attachment to power up your weapons. This explanation felt unnecessary, lol.

Weapon Fusion Menu

If you have two or more of the same weapon, you can fuse them together to make even stronger weapons. You access the fusion menu by clicking the “wpn fusion” button at the top of the weapon attachment/customize menu. The closer the weapon’s stats, the better the match rate and the resulting weapon will be stronger. If you try to fuse two weapons that have wildly different stats, you might end up with a weaker weapon. The more weapons you fuse, the higher your fusion level will be. The higher your fusion level, the greater stat boosts your fused weapons will get. Keep on fusing and create the strongest weapon ever!

Achievement Menu

This menu lets you see the requirements and rewards for all 130 of the achievements. I also included some jokes and other quirky musings in the descriptions to keep things interesting.

Shop Menu (Buy)

This is where you can buy all sorts of things to help you in your survival against endless waves of enemies. One of the most important thing is ammunitions. Without that, your fights will become much more difficult. You can also buy “no ads” to remove interlevel ads. These cost ad credits. You can buy ad credits with money. You can buy money with ad credits, but the conversion rate is terrible so you probably never want to do that. You can buy herbs that boosts your stats. You can buy weapons, attachments, rings, and custom heads and body parts to equip. You can also buy more difficulty settings to personalize how the game plays.

The more money you spend, the more your shop level will rise. Higher shop levels will have shops with more items for you to buy. The shops will even have more herbs!

Shop Menu (Sell)

You access this by clicking the “buy ←→ sell” button at the top of the shop menu. You can sell everything you don’t need here. Checking the “sell max” checkbox allows you to sell ammo easier. Clicking “sell all” will sell everything you’re not equipping but it won’t sell any of your ammunition. The higher your shop level, the more money you get back when you sell stuff. It goes without saying that you can never get more than what the item’s worth.

Stock Market Menu

This is one of the best ways to earn more money in the game. You check out the values of each gem and decide which one you want to buy. You would want to buy low and sell high. Good luck with that. After a while, you’ll gain the ability to sometimes see what the future stock values will be and then it’ll almost feel like cheating.

Bank Menu

You can access the bank menu by clicking on the “switch to bank” button at the top of the stock market menu. The bank is where you’ll find more ways to earn money. If buying stocks is too random for you, you can buy bonds which give you good interest rates but it’ll lock down your money for a certain number of stages. The bonds that lock your money down for more stages will have higher interest rates. When you earn money from the bank, you’ll raise your bank level which is give you more bond options to choose from and increase the daily interest rate for your unused money.

Setting Menu

You can adjust the volume here, turn off gore mode if you don’t like seeing blood and flying body parts from explosion, turn off the “headshot” and “critical hit” texts, and access a few other menus. The ad settings menu lets you choose how frequently you see ads. The more ads you choose to see, the more ad credits it’ll reward you. You can change all the game’s buttons from the key config menu. The difficulty adjusting menu is the same as the one you see before you begin the next stage. Higher difficulty ratings will give you more money and more experience so you should try to play the game as hard as you can handle.

Tips

There aren’t many tips for this game. Every weapon can become super strong and you should use them all in  order to get all the achievements. Achievement rewards can make you pretty strong.

Toggle Trick

Sometimes, you might want to toggle a key. There’s a trick to doing that. First you hold down the key, then you click outside the flash game window to unfocus it. Let go of the key. Then click the flash game window again and the key will be “toggled”. Press the key again to untoggle it.

That’s pretty much it for now. Let me know if you want me to elaborate or anything else.