Read My Blog or Don’t Talk to Me

I don’t expect anyone to have read my entire blog. It’s too much. But if someone can’t even be bothered to check it out, then that person doesn’t really want to talk to me and I wouldn’t want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me. If someone does want to talk to me, there’s no reason not to read my blog. What is there to be afraid of? It’s too thought out? Would they be more comfortable with dumbed down conversation? This is all just a pointless rant though because it’s a pretty obvious point I’m making. Ironically, reading my blog can replace the need to talk to me because you’ll pretty much already know everything that’s happening with me.

This reminds me of why I began blogging in the first place. I had originally intended it to be autobiographical and document my entire life. By the time I finished writing and reflecting my life, if it doesn’t make me want to live, then I guess I wouldn’t have much reason to live. At that point, it would serve as a suicidal note for people to read if they question my motives. I would expect most people to not bother reading it or not read the whole thing and it would prove that my life isn’t even worth a few hours of their time.

Well that was depressing. I probably shouldn’t even bother posting this but I’m gonna do it anyway. Let me see if I can end it with a joke to lighten the mood a little: Being depressed is rarely a good thing. The only time I find it useful is when I’m around an annoyingly cheerful person and I watch them awkwardly react to my apathetic ways.

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5 thoughts on “Read My Blog or Don’t Talk to Me

  1. Well I’m glad you posted this—it’s more honest than depressing. Not one person I know in real life will read my blog, much less comment—that would require actual thought. I used to tell people I have a blog but the vacant expressions got too depressing so I stopped. Once in a while someone from my past finds me and wouldn’t ya think they’d check out my blog? Nope. One guy I used to be friends with a long time ago recently found my blog and wrote me an email that said ‘It’s good to see you happy!’ What an idiot—if he had read even one post he would have seen what a miserable malcontent I am and gone with it. I talk about a lot of different things, why not be interesting and drop me a comment? I did not reply to his email, in fact I found it insulting (but typical).

    I started my blog because no one in RL wants to have thoughtful conversation. Nobody listens. Every time I open my mouth I get cut off—I wouldn’t mind so much if I was getting interrupted with some passionate or funny or provocative comeback, but they usually say something that has absolutely nothing to do with what I said. I never fight to get my point across or continue a conversation anymore, I just instantly recoil into tired muteness.

    Me: Well I think our culture has changed a lot in the past few years because—
    Them: Oh look, gummy bears! I love gummy bears!

    I haven’t been actively posting because what I really want to write about is too dark and I’m not anonymous, but I appreciate the people who do read and comment so much—because just about every single person I know personally has zero interest in what I think. I always wonder how people can have ‘friends.’ It must be really boring.

    Depressed people see the world for what it is, and happy idiots don’t welcome that. But there’s also a difference between boo-hoo-poor-me depression and the enjoyable creative cynicism I see here!

  2. Retiring to tired muteness is exactly what I do too. When people talk about dumb shit, that’s annoying for sure. What I find more annoying is when they pretend to give a shit but I know they don’t actually care. I totally understand with your anger towards the guy that emailed you. Even though he’s not in my life at all, I feel angry just knowing he exists, lol. Not replying is probably the best thing you could do. If it were me, I might’ve replied “No.” Just one word.

    Losing anonymity is funny problem with blogging. I experience it too. It’s also depressing thoughts that I refrain from posting. In my case, I try not to post it if I’m not sure I have a good point. Maybe you should join me in some of my podcasts. As few people as I have reading my blog, even fewer people listen to the podcast, usually 0-5 people, so there’s a new form of anonymity there, lol. MrJohnson did the podcast too. We can talk about the dark subjects you’ve been wanting to write about or anything else.

    In my last podcast, I think I discovered why I get so irritated when people who tell me they can sympathize with my depression and that they’ve felt depressed too. Sure, everyone feels shitty once in a while, but I’m pretty sure their “depression” doesn’t compare to mine but yet I have no way to prove it. Most people, when they say they’re depressed, they still have wants, desires, dreams, and goals. They’re just depressed because they’re too incompetent to reach their goals. I’m sure they experience really real obstacles, but at the very least, there is a goal. With me, I no longer have any wants, desires, dreams, and goals. It’s not that I can’t reach happiness, it’s that there’s no happiness to be reached.

  3. Ha ha thanks for your anger support at the barren vacuum of my ex-friend’s personality. It’s funny—so much other bad shit happens all the time but these little incidents are like tumors that continue to annoy.

    What I meant about lack of anonymity is that I have my name plastered all over my blog so I have to be careful what I say. At first I was writing these cute little essays on various topics but now all I have are inappropriate rants that rage in my head at all times. I want to start a new blog with a pseudonym but it’s hard to get motivated to do it. Did you start off wanting to be anonymous?

    I have thoughts as I read through your posts but would you believe I’m weirded out by my gravatar showing up on the page under Recent Comments? I feel so conspicuous and self-conscious.

    Thanks for suggesting joining you in a podcast. I have to think about that. I’m not too good at being recorded. How does it work technically? (re #44: it has nothing to do with not wanting to talk to you! and, nothing you say here makes you a bad person!) I listened to a couple of yours and liked them but I rarely listen to them or any kind of interviews in general because I get too impatient. I don’t drive a lot like M.J. and I can never sit still for an hour and just listen to someone talk, and there’s always a lot of ‘filler’ talk I get impatient with. I really wanted to watch your stand-up but the audio wasn’t clear enough for me (I think I have a problem hearing certain sound levels). You say you’re not motivated and don’t care about anything but you do a lot! Even if you’re not making money at it (yet) it still takes a lot of guts to accomplish what you’re doing with the podcasts and the gaming, and your blog is great.

    I really hate the self-help treacle that’s everywhere, you can’t get away from it. Like ‘happiness’ is one-size-fits-all, all you have to do is: socialize, exercise, eat right, be grateful. Like we’re all exactly the same and if we’re not happy we’re obviously not following these official mandates. It’s such self-righteous crap, written by people who have never experienced real depression. There’s also brain chemistry, etc., that we couldn’t begin to analyze. So maybe you or I can’t prove anything but neither can they. I agree with you that there’s no happiness to be reached. I could probably find pockets of amusement with money but basic disappointment with life and humanity would always be there. Because that’s the real world, not this self-absorbed narcissistic bullshit. Life hurts, always has, always will. Great attitude huh!

    Ha ha maybe we could talk about this.

    • I never really thought too much about being anonymous. I never hid my identity but I also knew no one would bother knowing me so it didn’t matter. I was anonymous by default, as a nobody. Although I say I don’t care, I seldom post links to my blog on my facebook. I don’t care that people know my true “dark” thoughts, in fact, I want them to know. But it’s a different story to be someone who propagates such negativity. I don’t want to be a person shoving it down their throat and crying woe is me.

      I removed the recent comments. Better? lol

      For podcasting, it’s essentially just having a conversation. It’s hard to find a reason to talk to someone for hours so podcasting is almost just an excuse to chat. If you wind up being uncomfortable with any part of it, I can edit or delete it. No big deal. The technical part of it is very simple. We just skype chat and I do all the recording on my end.

      Even as a pretty hardcore podcast listener, I totally understand that it’s hard to just sit and listen to a podcast. Even I can’t do that, and I’ve listened to thousands of hours of podcasts. It’s also hard to listen to it while doing something that takes quite a bit of attention, like reading or writing. Podcasts are best used as background when doing long simple tasks and it makes it’s the boring tasks a lot less boring. It works well with walking (as a means of transportation or exercise), chores, manual labor work, trying to sleep, and various other things. I also listen to podcasts while playing dumb time killing games like candy crush.

      It might be a good thing that you couldn’t watch the stand up cause it was my first (and only) attempt so it wasn’t very good anyway, lol.

      I kind of do do a lot but I also know how much time I spend not doing things. I’ve been more motivated in the past where I can spend 10-20 hours a day, everyday, for weeks, working on productive things. Now, I’m lucky if I work an hour a day, lol.

      I think I may end every comment response by asking you to podcast. I’m going to keep doing it until you give in, lol. Let’s chat!

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