Lower Than The Lowest Lows

The title’s pretty stupid. It doesn’t really make sense. I seem to have lost my ability and interest to write anything decent. I’m constantly reaching new lows in life. I’m definitely lower than I’ve ever been before and sadly, it’s probably still going to keep getting lower. The first low point I’ve ever reached was when I tried out online dating. Online dating doesn’t have nearly as much stigma as it used to, but the moment I decided to try it was still a depressing one. I was admitting that I couldn’t find a girl in real life. The moment a person decides to try online dating doesn’t need to be a depressing one, but it is often depressing and it was depressing for me. Failing at online dating makes it even worse.

The next low point was when I decided to try to find a girlfriend off craigslist. Finding a hooker would be fine, that’s just business. But girlfriend? That’s getting a little desperate. Failing at that makes things worse as well. Over the past couple years, I repeatedly tried it over and over again even though I rarely even get a response, let alone someone who’s interested. There are a lot of spam bots out there pretending that they’re girls worried about their safety and telling you to go to a certain site to pay $1 for a background check so that they know you’re safe. Luckily, I haven’t fallen for those. That definitely would’ve been a new low. But I did spend more time replying to those pre-written bot emails than I did with real girls – still a new low.

Then I went through several years of getting progressively more depressed, losing interest in movies, games, food, life. Naturally, it doesn’t take long to lose motivation to work when nothing’s enjoyable anymore. I can’t pinpoint specific events to these, but new lows were definitely being made. Finally, my latest new low is a sequel to the hooker story I wrote about in the last post. Seeing a hooker isn’t lowly. Developing feelings for a hooker is pretty bad. Developing feelings for a fat ugly hooker? Well that’s just retarded. That’s where I’m at…

After writing the last post, I decided to email the hooker and I went to see her that night. I just wanted some boob play and cuddling and someone to talk to. Okay, that sounds really lame. It was. It is. Let me redeem myself a little. I’m not desperate to talk to just anyone. I want someone to talk to regularly and frequently. Why I thought a hooker could fill that void was just plain stupid. There’s no redeeming that part. When I finally saw her, she was fat. I thought she was gonna be maybe a little overweight but nope, she was fat. I’m not attracted to fat. I’m not being super mean here and trying to make girls worry about their bodies. This girl clearly didn’t worry about it at all. Skinny isn’t attractive either. Lazy isn’t attractive as well. If a girl looks like she’s active, then she’ll look great. When I’m not ridden by depression, I’m a very active person with endless amounts of energy. I could be sporting and exercising all day and I’ll still have energy to do more that night and the next day and the next day. Naturally, I would be attracted to active people too. I’m not picky at all. Easily over 70% of girls are attractive to me. As long as you don’t like look you’ll die from walking up a flight of stairs, you look great. If you look like a bean bag chair, you probably don’t look great.

Anyway, I chatted with the hooker and I tried to befriend her. I learned all about her current situation and we decided we’d meet again as friends. I couldn’t sleep that night. I’m not really sure why, but then I eventually thought of a scenario where I could invite her to live in my house so she can sort out her life. Yes, it sounds really stupid when written. It’s not as stupid if you know the exact details I have planned, but it’s still pretty stupid. If she were a hot attractive girl, my stupidity would be understandable at least. But now it’s just pure stupidity with no excuse.

Before I make the final stupid decision, I would need to talk to her thoroughly and ask her a lot of questions to find any reason not to do it. It didn’t take me long at all to catch her not living up to my fantasy but it was still irrefutably stupid that I considered it so seriously. At least I dodged that bullet I guess. I have no idea what stupid shit I’ll do next. If it doesn’t cost me my life, I’ll probably be blogging about it. I might record a podcast tomorrow with more details on the hooker story.

3 thoughts on “Lower Than The Lowest Lows

  1. I think CL is just like any other dating site really. I guess it’s considered less socially acceptable than others but really it’s just another option. I think a lot of guys develop feelings towards hookers. You can’t help it. People develop feelings for people strictly through the internet.

    • CL is more desperate than other dating sites. For dating sites, you read a full profile, you see pictures, you see how they answer questions, you get matched, etc. For CL, you’re basically just saying “She’s a girl, that’s all I need to know.”

      I didn’t really develop feelings for this person because I was unattracted to her from the start lol. It was just pure fantasy. It was really weird. It really made me question my ethics. I was just trying to be really nice but I had impure intentions. As much as I wasn’t attracted, I liked the idea of having full access all day long. I didn’t want a sex slave, not her at least. I want someone who enjoys me too and in my fantasies, I’m super sexy and desirable, lol. I just want to be liked so badly I guess… But still, in this case, without the sexual element, it wasn’t worth the effort to explain to my parents why I’m inviting a fat girl into their home, even as a friend, even if it was to hang out and not for living here. I really struggled for a while and wondered if I was a bad person. But then I realized I wasn’t bad. I had waited for her for 2 days, she takes forever to reply to emails, she forgets specific things I’ve said and is just generically nice, and she tries to extract money from me. If she had proved to be a friend during the past 2 days, I probably would’ve treated her like one. But I don’t need a friend who says they’re gonna hang out and not get back to me until they’re really available and has absolutely nothing better than do. I don’t enjoy being on such low priority. I’ve already got plenty of friends who do that. I don’t need another one. I want friends who will actually make time for me.

      It’s probably super easy to develop feelings for a hot hooker but I have yet to see a hot one.

  2. Pingback: Random Oversaturation And Fat Hooker Epilogue | Sad. Funny. Truthful.

If you liked what you read, please comment. As a blogger with few followers, I need the affirmation lol.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s