SFT Podcast Episode 41 – Two Chinamen One Podcast

A blogging friend joins me in this long podcast and the next one. The sound recording turned out pretty well. I was pretty shitty at carrying the conversation but it’ll get better in the future if we keep doing them. Hope you enjoy two chinamen talking.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0041-Two_Chinamen_One_Podcast.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/FOhXZ2N9RN0

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Biological Racism

In an ideal world, there would be no racism. But the world we live in is far from ideal and there will always be racism. Even if everyone had the same skin color, people would still be racist against people with different upbringings. Hillbillies, rednecks, southerners, mountain people, hippies, pothead, junkies, homeless people: these are proofs that racism is not limited to skin color. Some people might argue that racism is only limited to skin color and I’m describing discrimination. It’s all the same shit.

I wonder how much racism is biological and whether that makes it excusable. Cultural upbringing definitely has far more influence, but I think there’s some biology at work too. Of course, there are limits to what’s excusable. Just because a person is predisposed to be a little more racist, killing someone is still inarguably wrong. A crime will still be a crime, but how much racism is allowable when it comes to mating and procreation? In a recent podcast, I mentioned that many Chinese people are naturally less attracted to black girls. I kind of feel that way and I feel racist for feeling that way. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying black girls are less attractive. They’re just less attractive to me, just as I’m sure I’m less attractive to certain people just by being Chinese. There’s no hate here. I don’t hate anyone for being black. Like many whiggers out there, I think there’s something extra cool about black people.

I don’t know if it’s biological for me to have those sexual preferences. We’re okay with biological sexual orientation, but how come biological racial preference is worse? I agree that it’s worse too, but if it really is biological, you can’t really blame the person. The human body is covered in bacteria. What if black pussies have a certain bacteria that eats the flesh of Chinese penises. That would be more definitively biological and I’m sure no one could blame a Chinaman for avoiding black pussies if that were true. But alas, that is not the case so I’ve just written some random shit.

I guess if I had to make a point and make myself sound less of an asshole, we should not be racist because we are not slaves to our biology. Many people have shitty eyes but instead of being blind, we get glasses. It might take some work, but as long as you’re open and willing to overcome whatever tiny bit of predisposed racism is in your body, then you’re on the right track.

The End Can Most Definitely Justify The Means

The end doesn’t always justify the means, but it definitely can. Life is not a free ride and sacrifices need to be made. You have to work to get paid. Few people actually enjoy the work itself, but the money you get justifies it. Some fat people enjoy cooking. I’m sure some of them don’t actually enjoy cooking, but they enjoy eating and cooking is just the means that justifies the end. Despite how much I masturbate, I don’t enjoy masturbating. I enjoy orgasms and masturbating is just the means to that end. If I don’t masturbate, I would never orgasm.

It all breaks down to whether it was worth it in the end. If the end is earning $10 but the means cost you $15, then the end does not justify the means. As long as the end is worth more than the means, it is justified. Nobody disagrees when I use money as the example. But then people get stupid in real life examples when emotions and ethics are involved. If I can kill one person to save two people, some people will say that killing that one person still isn’t the right thing to do. There are people who actually thinks it would be wrong to kill Hitler because killing is always bad. They’re being unrealistically idealistic. They’re stupid.

SFT Podcast Episode 40 – My Big Fat Hooker Experience

Okay I need to warn you that half way through the podcast, it turns to shit. I kinda lost interest in telling the stories and it was just shit on shit. You’ll see what I mean when you get there. I just felt that I needed to warn you.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0040-My_Big_Fat_Hooker_Experience.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/LB7P16Z_xc4

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

SFT Podcast Episode 39 – Honesty And Death

I was originally going to talk about my big fat hooker experience but I ended up talking about honesty and death instead. The next episode will be about the fat hooker, I promise.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/usbu41qud7vd7ge/SFT-0039-Honesty_And_Death.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/I39kcXbWj7g

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Lower Than The Lowest Lows

The title’s pretty stupid. It doesn’t really make sense. I seem to have lost my ability and interest to write anything decent. I’m constantly reaching new lows in life. I’m definitely lower than I’ve ever been before and sadly, it’s probably still going to keep getting lower. The first low point I’ve ever reached was when I tried out online dating. Online dating doesn’t have nearly as much stigma as it used to, but the moment I decided to try it was still a depressing one. I was admitting that I couldn’t find a girl in real life. The moment a person decides to try online dating doesn’t need to be a depressing one, but it is often depressing and it was depressing for me. Failing at online dating makes it even worse.

The next low point was when I decided to try to find a girlfriend off craigslist. Finding a hooker would be fine, that’s just business. But girlfriend? That’s getting a little desperate. Failing at that makes things worse as well. Over the past couple years, I repeatedly tried it over and over again even though I rarely even get a response, let alone someone who’s interested. There are a lot of spam bots out there pretending that they’re girls worried about their safety and telling you to go to a certain site to pay $1 for a background check so that they know you’re safe. Luckily, I haven’t fallen for those. That definitely would’ve been a new low. But I did spend more time replying to those pre-written bot emails than I did with real girls – still a new low.

Then I went through several years of getting progressively more depressed, losing interest in movies, games, food, life. Naturally, it doesn’t take long to lose motivation to work when nothing’s enjoyable anymore. I can’t pinpoint specific events to these, but new lows were definitely being made. Finally, my latest new low is a sequel to the hooker story I wrote about in the last post. Seeing a hooker isn’t lowly. Developing feelings for a hooker is pretty bad. Developing feelings for a fat ugly hooker? Well that’s just retarded. That’s where I’m at…

After writing the last post, I decided to email the hooker and I went to see her that night. I just wanted some boob play and cuddling and someone to talk to. Okay, that sounds really lame. It was. It is. Let me redeem myself a little. I’m not desperate to talk to just anyone. I want someone to talk to regularly and frequently. Why I thought a hooker could fill that void was just plain stupid. There’s no redeeming that part. When I finally saw her, she was fat. I thought she was gonna be maybe a little overweight but nope, she was fat. I’m not attracted to fat. I’m not being super mean here and trying to make girls worry about their bodies. This girl clearly didn’t worry about it at all. Skinny isn’t attractive either. Lazy isn’t attractive as well. If a girl looks like she’s active, then she’ll look great. When I’m not ridden by depression, I’m a very active person with endless amounts of energy. I could be sporting and exercising all day and I’ll still have energy to do more that night and the next day and the next day. Naturally, I would be attracted to active people too. I’m not picky at all. Easily over 70% of girls are attractive to me. As long as you don’t like look you’ll die from walking up a flight of stairs, you look great. If you look like a bean bag chair, you probably don’t look great.

Anyway, I chatted with the hooker and I tried to befriend her. I learned all about her current situation and we decided we’d meet again as friends. I couldn’t sleep that night. I’m not really sure why, but then I eventually thought of a scenario where I could invite her to live in my house so she can sort out her life. Yes, it sounds really stupid when written. It’s not as stupid if you know the exact details I have planned, but it’s still pretty stupid. If she were a hot attractive girl, my stupidity would be understandable at least. But now it’s just pure stupidity with no excuse.

Before I make the final stupid decision, I would need to talk to her thoroughly and ask her a lot of questions to find any reason not to do it. It didn’t take me long at all to catch her not living up to my fantasy but it was still irrefutably stupid that I considered it so seriously. At least I dodged that bullet I guess. I have no idea what stupid shit I’ll do next. If it doesn’t cost me my life, I’ll probably be blogging about it. I might record a podcast tomorrow with more details on the hooker story.

Breaking Up With Hookers

I spent most of last night and today emailing hookers. If I’ve emailed you in the last 24 hours, please don’t mistakenly think that I’m calling you a hooker. I’m was emailing real hookers, from craigslist. I didn’t set out looking for hookers though. I just wanted to find some girls to talk to and they just all turned out to be hookers. After I found out they were hookers, I didn’t even mind. As cheap as I am, I was ready to pay. That’s how lonely I’ve been feeling lately.

Oddly enough, once they reveal that they’re hookers and I express my interest in their services, they stop replying. Maybe they were first timers and are second guessing their life choices. Maybe they were busy and had dicks in their mouths. Either way, it still made me feel lonelier. I couldn’t even get hookers to take my money. Eventually, I finally got one and when we were finalizing the deal, I saw a picture of her and I began to lose interest. The picture was okay, but it was small and you couldn’t really get a clear look at the girl. But then she described herself as a BBW – big beautiful woman – and that lost my interest. Often times, obese women would call themselves BBW so the term is kind of tainted. I think this hooker is a real BBW who’s a bit big but still pretty decent looking.

I hate how I can be so vain sometimes. I think it’s okay to be vain in the context of looking for a hooker, but I’m ashamed that my vanity carries on to other areas of life. Looks isn’t everything, but it’s definitely a thing. It’s not the most important thing, but it’s still definitely a thing. Being nice is the most important and attractive trait. If there are two people who are equally nice but one person is better looking, that better looking person is more attractive and lovable. That’s just the way things are. But if the uglier person is even a wee-bit nicer, then that person becomes more attractive. The problem is, when you don’t know a person yet, you can only judge them by their appearance. It takes a while to see whether someone is truly nice or not. It’s unfortunate, but often times, ugly people aren’t nice because they’re bitter. Some people claim that they don’t care about looks at all. I wonder if that’s really true or maybe they’re just deluding themselves or maybe a part of their brain is busted.

After I lost interest in the hooker, I needed to “break up” with her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings because even though she’s a hooker, she’s still a person and has feelings. Maybe she doesn’t care, but maybe she does care. I’ve been unintentionally hurtful many times in my life and I don’t like hurting people. I wound up telling her that I’m chatting up a couple other girls and wanted to see if those get anywhere. I think I let her down easy without seeming like a dick or a total waste of time. I think I’m learning to become a better person by exchanging emails with hookers.

Read My Blog or Don’t Talk to Me

I don’t expect anyone to have read my entire blog. It’s too much. But if someone can’t even be bothered to check it out, then that person doesn’t really want to talk to me and I wouldn’t want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me. If someone does want to talk to me, there’s no reason not to read my blog. What is there to be afraid of? It’s too thought out? Would they be more comfortable with dumbed down conversation? This is all just a pointless rant though because it’s a pretty obvious point I’m making. Ironically, reading my blog can replace the need to talk to me because you’ll pretty much already know everything that’s happening with me.

This reminds me of why I began blogging in the first place. I had originally intended it to be autobiographical and document my entire life. By the time I finished writing and reflecting my life, if it doesn’t make me want to live, then I guess I wouldn’t have much reason to live. At that point, it would serve as a suicidal note for people to read if they question my motives. I would expect most people to not bother reading it or not read the whole thing and it would prove that my life isn’t even worth a few hours of their time.

Well that was depressing. I probably shouldn’t even bother posting this but I’m gonna do it anyway. Let me see if I can end it with a joke to lighten the mood a little: Being depressed is rarely a good thing. The only time I find it useful is when I’m around an annoyingly cheerful person and I watch them awkwardly react to my apathetic ways.

Used and Tossed Aside

That’s how I feel right now. I sort of regret telling my story to a couple people because now I don’t feel like retelling the story again due to my dislike of repetition. In a number of previous posts, I prefaced stories by saying that I was living at my aunt’s house. I won’t be needing that preface anymore because I’m no longer living there. Over the past month, my aunt kept calling me her son and calling her daughters my sisters. My aunt had wanted to “save” me from my parents by providing me with a better environment to live in but of no choice of my own, I’m back living with my parents. Good fucking job.

The official reason I was living with my aunt was to help her take care of her dying husband. I helped take care of the guy; I’ve moved their bed up and down the stairs; I’ve done more than my share of cleaning; shoveled a shitload of snow (for 3 fucking houses: my aunt’s, her daughter’s, and my parents’); performed handiwork; made a 277 picture slideshow where half the pictures needed to be scanned; got two friends in addition to myself to be pallbearers and carried the casket to the grave, and I get sent back home before the day ends.

I know I’m putting a bad spin on the situation but it’s hard to see the good side of things. I can identify 3 main sources at work here. First, her three daughters have gathered back home and they’re keeping the house lively. They’re rather noisy and bitchy for my taste and as a result, I’ve put in less effort holding back my depression in the past couple days. I still responded when spoken to (I responded fairly pleasantly and with some decent jokes in there too) but I had an overall lack of life in the way I moved and stared into space. Still, I wasn’t a drag because I’ve been completely busy with doing work for them. If two days of seeing the tip of the iceberg of my depression was too much, it was retarded for her to think she could help me at all.

I will give my aunt the benefit of the doubt and say that the third reason is the main reason I was kicked out. Should we euphemize it by saying I was “moved back home”? The third reason is my mom. She called and kept telling my aunt that she and my dad misses me and wants me back home. Then with me, she tells me to go home to give my aunt and cousins some private time to mourn. I didn’t give a shit about my mom’s stupid information-withholding games and I just told my aunt what she told me. My aunt does this annoying thing that a lot of stupid people do. She’ll state her opinions very strongly but in the face of other people’s opinions, she’ll change her original opinion very easily. Changing your mind is fine, but if you do, then don’t be so fucking sure of your original thoughts because they’re wrong. In an attempt to appease the most people, she suggested I go back home and move back in on Tuesday (The day of eviction was Friday). Sure, go ahead and appease everyone except Ted because Ted doesn’t matter. He doesn’t bitch like everyone else so he obviously doesn’t have feelings. If sending me back home was for my parents’ sake, then that’s still stupid. The whole point of living at her place was to get me away from my parents. My life isn’t just a “let’s raise a son” game for her.

I don’t think I’ll be going back on Tuesday. I’m not doing that because of spite. Her home was no improvement from mine and I’m tired of moving my computer around. I was actually reluctant to move in at first because I knew it wasn’t going to do shit for my depression and I didn’t want to drag more people down by being around them when I’m depressed. I knew better so I resisted moving in, but other relatives from the sidelines kept bitching that I should do it and that I’m not even trying to improve my depression. Nobody ever takes my opinions seriously and isn’t it amazing how everything turned out exactly as I predicted? Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

Annoying Non Problem Solver

There is someone I hear talking a lot these days and that person is a very annoying non problem solver. If there’s a discussion on how to approach a problem within that person’s vicinity, that person will butt in with a solution, but that person will say it in an annoyed tone. The problem is, it’s not a real solution. Even more of a problem, that person shuts down discussion of the problem. Not that I discuss thing with people because I already think everything through way ahead of time, but it stops me from explaining. The biggest problem of all is that the person sounds too sure of the non solution and it causes unwise people to actually believe it or at least not refute that person out of respect. I’m not invested enough to argue with that person. There’s no point in arguing with people who don’t listen. No one listens to me.

The other problem with these kinds of people is that they’re all talk. If the solution is so simple, why don’t they do that job themselves, especially when they should’ve been the ones doing it to begin with. …I feel like I’m talking about something very specific and I’m futilely trying to generalize it…

I wonder what I’m supposed to do when I encounter people like these. Am I supposed to be confrontational and make enemies out of them? I could win the argument easily. I’d just tell them to do it themselves if it’s so simple and if they say yes, I’ll be lifted of responsibilities I didn’t want to begin with. If they say no, I won’t even let them justify it by telling them to shut the fuck up then.

…I don’t do that because I avoid conflict. I avoid it so much to the point that I’ll be leaving the country basically just to avoid everyone. That doesn’t seem like the right thing to be doing either…