I hate it when I have hiccups while drunk because it’s like I’m a cartoon character of a drunk person. I wonder if there are any direct correlations.
Damn, I’m making some pretty loud hiccups. I hope I don’t wake anyone.
I left the house just now, planning to play on the swings a little. As I got near the school playground, I saw that it was very dark and walked back home. I currently still believe I’m making sensible decisions all around but it probably just seems like pure drunk behaviour to most people.
I’m starting to feel less drunk so I guess I won’t be posting all this frequent crap anymore.
I kinda want to write a few pieces of code to prove that I can still code while drunk but I’m severely lacking motivation for that. I was hoping my last game will be released for the weekend but it seems like the publishing won’t be finalized until next week. If I don’t post anything else, I guess I’ll be posting in a few days to futilely attempt to promote the game.
I mentioned that I was in a good mood in the last post but I actually went down to a super bad mood right after that but right now, I’m in a super good mood. Not only am I more drunk than I’ve been in a long time, but I was actually in quite an all time low during the past 24 hours but I’m at an all time happy right now. From my blog posting, it would appear I’ve been drinking quite a lot in the past few weeks. I actually got drunk a couple nights ago too but I didn’t blog that night. Actually, I think I’m coming down from being super drunk right now. I still feel really oozy, but my innate censorship is returning. Damn. I was hoping I would feel less inhibited and write a bunch of stuff while I’m drunk.
I guess I’ll continue to clear up that I don’t believe I’m developing an alcoholic problem. So far, I’m still only getting drunk of free drinks. It just happens that I’ve been offered quite a bit of few drinks lately. That’s uncommon for an introverted guy so I’m probably still safe. I will admit that I’m definitely more prone to alcoholism than I was a month ago. But who knows, maybe I’m so drunk right now that I’ll need to throw up later and it’ll be one of those moments where I feel so shitty that I vow to myself that I won’t drink again which I know won’t last forever but it’ll last for a little while.
I just proofread what I just wrote. Being as drunk as I am right now, I think that even though it’s relatively comprehensible, it’s a lot more drunken-confusing than my previous drunken posts.
I’m in a good mood today. I don’t think I’ve ever thought that in my entire life. Something good happened and I’ll just leave it at that. Being happy and being apathetic is pretty mutually exclusive so this messes with my apathetic style of living.
I choose not to care too deeply about anything. Being apathetic made me immune to disappointment. Some of it is by choice, but a lot of it is conditioned into me by being constantly let down. There are a lot of things I truly don’t care about and it feels good to be unaffected by them. When I choose not to care about something, I can never reach full apathy, but it still helps a lot in reducing disappointment. When I’m not emotionally invested in something, I have no fears or worries about losing it. Being emotionally un-invested in life made death a lot less scary.
My life generally sucks a lot so my apathetic ways were actually very functional and practical. In a twisted way, it kind of sucks that I experienced some happiness and have something to look forward to because now I have to work so hard live and I’ll probably be spending a lot of time regretting all the time I’ve wasted. I guess I’m a textbook example of a pessimist.
As much as I’d like to think I don’t necessarily blabber while I’m drunk, I can still analyse number and given that I’ve been writing blog posts nonstop, I’m clearly blabbering. Oh crap, I even forget the thing I intended to write for this post. I still have several guilt things in my mind that I thought I wasn’t going to write but I guess I’ll just start writing those.
Oh wait, no guilt yet. I remember now. I just wanted to mention that times like now when I’m not doing much and I’m drunk, I might just want to sleep but because it costs tens to twenties of dollars for me to get to this state (even if it’s not my money) I feel like I should stay awake to make the most out of the experience. But I don’t really feel like doing anything. I guess it means I’ll probably be writing more crap later on tonight. Sorry to be such a bother.
Okay I don’t think I can make much progress in my coding. That’s not necessarily due to drunkness though. I’m pretty sure I’ll still be making no progress for the next few days. I pretty much trapped myself by aiming higher than my motivation. Hopefully I’ll finish this game, but I don’t know, we’ll see.
Another thing I wanted to point out is that even though I’m drunk, I’m still not posting these pure randomness on facebook, where people might judge me more harshly. At the end of the day, the only reason I write anything is to expose myself, to create opportunities for people to find my stuff, develop an internet presence, and hopefully make money from it. At this point, it seems like a total dead end and I just do it now cause it’s kinda fun sometimes and there are a few people who care enough to comment regularly. I really appreciate those. I don’t appreciate the art of writing much. I do appreciate it a little, but not enough to seek it out at all, let alone participate in creating it.
Well, the title already warned you that this is nonsense so please limit your disappointment in how crappy this is. I proofread everything, even when I’m drunk. So yes, this crap is proofread and I’m pretty sure it’s still crap. If I were a little more drunk, I might start blabbing about loneliness and crap. But for now, I’m not doing that cause I know that it’s the same crap a million other people and I have already written. Maybe if I were more drunk but I already drank everything. Actually, there’s still alcohol in the house but it’s not for me to drink freely and my ease of resisting to drink those is proof that I don’t have real alcoholism yet. By that logic, once I decide to drink those other drinks, it would mean that I’ve become an alcoholic. I’ll let you know when that happens.
I swear I’m not developing alcoholism. I might be starting to, but I know I’m not in any real danger because of my broke ass cheapness. At the end of the day, I don’t make much money and I spend even less so I’m very limited by how much I’ll drink. I still hate the taste of alcohol and I’m generally a good person so I’m not anywhere near the point where I would steal money from my parents to buy alcohol. For now, I’m only drinking free drinks. My brother’s friend happens to have brought some over again so I’m indulging. Speaking of stealing money from my parents, I pulled a little robinhood stunt when I was about 8 years old. At around age 7, I started to develop resentment towards my parents. I’ve tried to repair it at different times but my relationship with them is ultimately not good. At age 8, there were several weeks where I took money from a container in my mom’s room and bought soda from the vending machine. Everyday, I would buy one for myself, my friend at the time, and his brother. We’d take the can and go to his brother’s classroom and toss him a can. It felt like that went on for a while but it was probably no more than 3 weeks. If it was 3 weeks, it would be 5 days x 3 weeks x 3 cans which would only be $45, not that big a deal. I was stealing coins so that seems about right as the upper limit of how much I could’ve taken.
Previous to writing this post whilst still being drunk, I was coding my next game. I’ve been stuck on a few bugs and pretty unmotivated to fix them lately. I took 2 whole weeks off watching sitcoms. I made a bit of progress today and made even more progress while drunk. Although I’m a little clumsier while drunk, my brain still works pretty much at full capacity overall. I wonder if I’m even clumsier at all. I think I just use drunkness as an excuse to make more mistake. If I really wanted to, I’m pretty sure I can maintain my normal level of clumsiness. I also know that I’m less inhibited when drunk and would say more things that I normally wouldn’t say, like this blog post. Not that I have any secrets to blab, but I can still resist blabbing. It’s just that I’m normally pretty close to writing these kinds of nonsense but I normally censor myself and with drunkness, I give myself an excuse to be a little more random.
Whoa, I think the alcohol kicked in more while writing this post. I think I’m more drunk now than when I started. But I’ve pretty much said what I had to say already. Maybe I’ll post more random crap later on. I’m going to try coding now. I wonder if it’ll work out.