Taking Anti-Depressants Now…

I just went to the doctor and now I’m taking anti-depressants and sleeping pills. They say anti-depressants often give people suicidal thoughts. I’ve heard it explained that depressed people are too unmotivated to even kill themselves but once they get a little motivation back, they become motivated enough to commit suicide. I kinda hope that happens to me. I’m supposed to go see doctor or emergency room immediately if I get suicidal thoughts but emergency room sounds pretty horrible. I’ve been there enough times with my uncle who died from cancer to know that they’re too busy to give a shit about me and they’ll probably just strap me onto a bed so I can’t kill myself. Sounds torturous.

 

I went to a walk in clinic and it took them a long time to see me. It’s right next to the pharmacy so I spoke with the pharmacist a couple times while I was waiting. I asked how long it takes for anti-depressants to take effect and he told me 6 weeks. The doctor later confirmed that. That blew my mind. I need something to help me immediately. I don’t know if I can stand feeling this shitty for 6 weeks…

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12 thoughts on “Taking Anti-Depressants Now…

  1. The side effects have always made me question the medications themselves. If you are supposed to see someone if you have suicidal thoughts, but you have a history of suicidal thoughts and/or attempts – why would you want to seek help for having the very thoughts that you want to have? So crazy.

  2. Ehh I’ve been on medication for a while now, and I have to say, it really depends on what you’re taking. If it’s something simple like Zoloft, then you don’t really have to worry about side effects that much. Though if you do feel suicidal, go to the emergency room. Really. It’s totally fine and acceptable and you’ll come out of it okay, and they aren’t just going to “wait you out.”

    I personally started a particularly rough medication at one point and ended up cutting my arms to shreds. I had gone to a regular doctor for a routine checkup, and he sent me down to the ER. What they’re going to do (if they’re doing their jobs, which they generally are) is admit you to the behavioral health wing, which, yeah, it’s just a nice term for psych ward. I know that sounds terrifying, but it’s not. They don’t put you in a straight jacket, they don’t lock you in a padded room, they don’t do any of that stuff unless you’re physically violent (think: wayyyy crazier than anyone you’ve probably ever met) and even they, it’s only as an emergency measure until they can calm the patient down. When I stayed there, there wasn’t actually a single straight jacket or anything like it on the premises. That sort of thing is generally long gone,unless you live in a completely backwards part of the world.

    I stayed for seven days. It wasn’t horrible. They feed you (and the food is pretty decent,) they give you pills, and you don’t have to worry about literally anything while you’re there. You get to put your life on hold for a little bit while you get yourself straightened out. There are good people there. People who actually get it. And you see a psychiatrist every single day, and they will change your meds every single day depending on how you’re reacting to them. It’s not a bad experience, and not something to be afraid of. It really helped me out.

    And yeah, it’s kind of a bummer that most antidepressants take a while to really kick in, but I can also tell you that six weeks is actually on the long end of things. I personally started feeling a change after three. It varies wildly from person to person.

    Just, hang in there. I know it sucks, but it’s worth it. I’m not “cured” or anything, but I am doing so much better than before. Its a battle, but it’s a battle that’s worth fighting.

    Good luck, man.

    [I am not a doctor, do not take anything I’ve said as medical advice. This is all based on my own personal experience, your mileage may vary.]

    • Three weeks is still a long time to wait. I first thought it might be a few hours or a day or something. The emergency room doesn’t sound so bad although I can’t see myself going there. Right now, it’s actually oddly freeing to not have to care about life. I worry that the meds might make me cling desperately to life and being miserable just to survive.

      • Yeah, it is a long time to wait, but it sounds like they also gave you some sleeping meds, and you’d be surprised at how significantly getting a decent night of rest will affect your mood.

        And naw, antidepressants don’t really do that, in my experience. They’re a little bit more subtle then that. It may be worrisome, but trust me, you’ll come out of it in a better place than you even think is possible right now. And I know, it really doesn’t seem possible to feel better, I’ve been there. But it does happen.

      • I also feel the need to mention that if you go into the ER saying that you’re suicidal, you’re actually pretty high on their priority list for people they need to see.

        Sorry for double commenting repeatedly, I just keep forgetting things until after I hit “Post”.

        • No problem with the double posting. I don’t think I would be able to go in saying I’m suicidal though. It doesn’t feel like something I’d say, whether I feel it or not.

          • They kind of coax it out of you pretty quickly. I didn’t go in saying that I was suicidal either, I just said that I was feeling shitty and showed them my arms, and they brought me back pretty quickly, even though I didn’t directly say that I was suicidal. I guess it helped that a doctor at that same hospital referred me there, but I get the sense from reading other people’s experiences that they’re pretty good about getting you back there quickly.

            Maybe it’s not really an option, or something you can see yourself doing, but if it ever comes down to it and you really think you’re going to hurt yourself, just check yourself in and see what happens, first.

            I hope I’m not coming across as too pushy or anything. I just know that it helped me a lot, and that it’d be good if the option was somewhere in your mind if you ever feel like you’re “in a crisis.” (that’s the terminology that they tend to use, that’s why it’s in quotes.)

            • You’re not being pushy. You’re being very informative. You had your arm to show though. For me, I don’t think I would hurt myself visibly like that. Once I get physical with myself, it’ll probably be over pretty quickly. … I say that though there are nights where I’ll whack myself in the head and other parts of my body. The intent is to distract myself with physical pain. I guess that’s pretty close to people cutting but I’m not a fan of blood and open wounds. I’ve also hit myself when I had to drive home really late, at like 5am, and I’m falling asleep on the wheel so I hit myself hoping the pain would keep me awake. Surprisingly, it doesn’t work.

              • Even so, I think things would have gone just as smoothly if didn’t have the arm to show. I don’t have any definitive proof of that or anything, but I got the feeling talking to the other patients and the people who work there that they’ve streamlined the process quite a bit. So, maybe it won’t go as smoothly for you as it did for me, but there’s no real way of knowing until it happens. I just want you to know that it is a potential choice you can make when the urge becomes overbearing. It is an option. It is a way to get out of your life for a while, and you don’t have to make the frighteningly permanent decision of ending it.

                • Yeah, I guess so. My life isn’t stressful or anything though so there’s not much to get away from. I have no responsibilities, no jobs, no purpose, no point. It would get me away from my family for a while but I worry about them visiting against my will. Worse yet, when I come out that’s all they’ll talk about. I can’t see it going well. Even if they try to be caring about it, I don’t want their care. I know them too well and I know I don’t like them. We don’t even speak the same language and they make sure I know it’s my fault. Maybe I’m the horrible person, I don’t know, but it just feels shitty and doesn’t seem like it’ll ever get better.

                  • My life wasn’t stressful either, believe me. I was living about as stress-free as anyone could possibly live. It was weird, though. Getting to step out of my life was still an incredibly valuable experience to me. I couldn’t tell you exactly why, but it was. I’d say that it puts things in perspective, but that’s not exactly it. It’s something similar to that, but not quite. I don’t really know how to articulate it.

                    And yeah, it doesn’t feel that way. I really thought that when I went to the hospital that I’d either be in and out of them for the rest of my life, or dead. But then I wasn’t. I started feeling better, practically in spite of myself. I can’t say for sure that it’ll go that way for you, but I think it’s not worth ending things until you’ve at least tried it. And I’m not saying “you need to go to the hospital right now!” or anything, it’s just another thing to consider.

                    Also, you decide who you see and who you don’t see while you’re there. You can also decide to not allow the hospital to release any information to your family, and the hospital doesn’t give a fuck what they think. The hospital staff knows that it’s about you and your recovery, it’s not about anyone else. And also, it would be illegal for them to release that information without your consent, so there’s that too.

                    I don’t have a real solution to the family issue, or really much of anything, but I hope that this has been at least of some use. I don’t know you, I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I know how much what you’re going through sucks, and I don’t want to see things go in a bad direction for you.

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