I recently realized that being a depressed bum is very unattractive. It’s kind of stupid that it wasn’t obvious to me from the start. Lately, I’ve been feeling extra unfunny, unmotivated, and uninspired and I made sure everyone knew it. It isolated me from everyone. Expressing my depression doesn’t help me and just bums everyone out so I have decided to stop talking about it. If I feel like I need to talk to someone about it, I will, but I will no longer unsolicitedly talk about it.
On the other hand, there is a bright side to being depressed – my version of depression at least. I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about it but this is sort of a positive thing. Because I don’t care about myself much and so desperately want to win someone’s affection – even though I was nice before – I am now a lot more generous with my time, energy, and money. If anyone can benefit from me, it would make me happy to make someone else happy. Now I just need to wait for a special someone to come along and let me give her my all. Or him. If it’s a him, then it’s not a sexual thing or anything. I’m still straight. I know I should be actively pursuing instead of just waiting. The thing is, I really wish my special someone would be someone who is open with me enough to let me know they want me around. That way, I know who I should be giving my 100% to. Basically, I’m just begging for particular someone for ask me for my affection, lol.
I’m also starting to get an inkling of a spark to want to be funny. I may start pursuing stand up comedy, podcasting, or other funny creative outlets once again. Hopefully I do.
Oh, and I have an interview tomorrow for some job, that CNC thing. We’ll see how that goes.