I really want some feedback on this. I have a theory but it’s quite a condescending one so assuming I might be in the wrong, I really want to know why so I can learn from it.
So I was talking to this girl and we actually kicked it off pretty well. Turns out we live on the same street and knew a lot of the same people growing up so it felt like there’s a history or connection or something even though we only barely knew of the people in common so the history doesn’t actually play any particularly big role in all this.
I chatted with her for a couple days and all seemed well at first. I think it was about 3 days in when we had a phone chat. The phone chat was okay but not great. I asked about past relationships and she cried a bit while retelling the most recent tale. I tried to be nice and let her know that she didn’t have to talk about it if it’s hard but she carried on and finished her story. There was talk about sex – about our history with sex. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned my experience with prostitution but I did because I’m honest to a dumbass fault. It seemed to have stained her impression of me as dating material, but I don’t think there was anything negative as a human being during that conversation.
Since then, she seemed less interested in the conversations, understandably so. But she would still start a conversation every so often. She was working away from home and only came home on the weekends. She’s really busy which made meeting a little hard. After 2 weeks, we finally met up for a walk and talk yesterday.
By this point, I feel like she all but lost interest already. I would often ask questions that gets completely ignored. I chalked it up as her being busy since she really was busy. She would respond and at least courteously inform me she’s busy, but there are chunks of conversations she seems to completely ignore.
The walk was okay, again, not great. And from the follow up conversation, it seemed like that’s pretty much it and she’s not interested.
Early on, I had already casually opened up the discussion of whether or not we see each other as dating material. She wanted it to just be casual at first, maybe at a friend level or something, and I was fine with that. I brought that up to mention that I’ve opened up the conversation. So today, she informs me that I’m probably not dating material for her and that we could still be friends and whatnot. You know, the same old lines. She ended by saying I could always talk to her if I want someone to talk to.
I will start quoting the conversation at this point. I tried to sum up everything up until now but the wording from this point might begin to matter.
Her: anyway. yea. if you ever just wanna chat or anything, I’m always around 🙂
Me: sure, but you’re also always super busy so…
Her: lol one thing about me. my family and friends I put above all in my life.
even if I’m busy. I try to make time.
Me: And apparently I’m not family nor friend so that leaves me with nothing. I’ve always shown that I always want to talk but, especially the last few times, you’ve been a lot less respondent.
I don’t know if you say the “if you want to talk” thing just purely as a polite thing or if you mean it. I know I’ve been guilty of saying it and thinking I mean it but looking back and analyzing it closely, not really.
Her: lol. well that is truly your loss then. your small talk isn’t exactly the easiest to follow…and not to mention I am studying for exams and working.
sometimes its hard to follow.
but to be honest, if this is how you make everyone feel, I now see why it is hard to keep longterm friendships
so I’m sorry ted. maybe you’re right. even friendship isn’t an option because friends don’t say shit like that and they try to at least be understanding of a situation
and you’re right I have no obligation to you. I did it because I was genuinely trying to be nice and get to know you
and whatever I do know about you tells me you’re not my kind of person.
I tried to keep this as unbiased as possible without over telling my side of the story.
Sure, that last thing i said wasn’t the greatest but I felt like she jumped in and became way too angry and defensive and offensive. There was no point in advancing the conversation with her any further so I just apologized for being passive aggressive and left it at that.
My question to you is: was my response really that bad? If anyone’s interested, I’ll happily provide more background info. I wanted to keep this first post a little shorter.