Charity Dating

Even without the dickish title, there’s nothing I can say that won’t sound bad. I’m going to try to pour all my thoughts in this blog entry. There will be some horrible thoughts that’s better left unsaid, unwritten. In fact, most of this will be horrible…

 

So… I went on a date tonight. This was not a sexy hot date. I sort of went on the date out of sympathy. I had been warned not to date someone out of sympathy and perhaps I should have heeded that advice. I’d like to think I’m a fairly attractive person, especially since I started working out again and getting back my hot bod, lol. I’m sort of kidding of course. It’s hard to know for sure whether I’m good looking or not because I’m obviously biased and you never know when people are just being polite when they tell me that. I have my doubts because it’s not like girls throw themselves at me but nobody ever seemed repulsed by me either so there’s that. All we can say for sure is that… I’m very self-absorbed…. I’ve been talking about myself for a while now.

 

As for the girl I saw tonight, we wouldn’t even throw the term “attractiveness” around. She has very visible deformities and she was nice enough to warn me about it ahead of time instead of surprising me with it. And I was “nice” enough to… be nice about it…. I may actually be doing a bad thing by accidentally stringing her along. That wouldn’t be nice. I don’t want to seem like a shallow person so I say that looks isn’t the most important thing. It’s a nice bonus, but personality counts more. I was certainly put to the test tonight.

 

This next section is going to make me sound bad, especially because I’m not even trying to be mean, which makes it worse. I’m going to describe her looks a little. When I first saw her pictures, I thought she sort of looked like a classic rendering of an extraterrestrial alien. I get scared of ghosts and aliens easily. If you show me even a kid’s drawing of an alien, I’m going to feel fear and paranoia for the next little while, and possibly have trouble sleeping. In fact, I even get scared of the words “ghosts and aliens” because they trigger thoughts. I’m getting a little scared right now even though I’m the one using those words. I’m trying to overlook appearances but if I’m going to have nightmares, it’s not going to work out. I’m not exaggerating. She’s done a few background acting jobs and they’ve used her for sci-fi shows and medical patients in pain.

 

Next up is one of many horrible thoughts to come. After hearing her talk about how thrifty she is with money and how she visits the food bank, I realized she didn’t dress sharply either and could pass as a homeless person. She has dark markings all over her skin which someone might think is dirt on a homeless person. I am also very thrifty and don’t dress sharply so I’m not judging that at all. Thing is, you never see a beautiful homeless person. The fairy-tale explanation is that beautiful people will find a way to be taken care of and live cush lives. The dark reality is that if there ever was a beautiful homeless person, it won’t take long until they get raped or killed or both.

 

Prior to the date, I had time to organize my thoughts and I should’ve ended things before they started. But I procrastinated… Then she texted me saying that she was feeling lonely and depressed and wanted to go see a movie with me. I know what it’s like to feel lonely and depressed and since I was able to help, I decided to take her out and give her a chance. Who knows, I might be surprised and actually enjoy her personality. …I did not enjoy her personality. It wasn’t bad and she was nice, but we just didn’t click. To be fair, I started feeling that way even before seeing the pictures. One of the first things she did was tease me that my iphone 3 is old and urging me to get a new phone. Teasing is fine, but she said (jokingly? half-jokingly?): “Why don’t you just get a new phone?” which has the subtext of “what is wrong with you?” By comparison, the last girl I saw (who doesn’t even want a relationship with me) found novelty value in my even older Nokia brick phone. The girl tonight has no interest in gaming, the games I’ve made, comedy I’m involved in, and my blog. Most people don’t care and I’ve learned not to expect people to care. Once again, comparing to the last girl, she was actually interested in everything I’ve done. She checked them all out and enjoyed them (because they’re great, lol, just kidding… half kidding). In fact, she’s probably reading this right now. Howdy. She hasn’t seen the comedy stuff yet but she’ll probably like those too since she likes my sense of humour. It’s good to have someone like that in your life, who actually appreciate your work. Umm… I didn’t mean for this to turn into a comparison fest and then into a letter of appreciation. Moving on…

 

Back to the “charity date”, how can I tell a person, who only has her personality to offer, that I did not enjoy it? Well, that’s easy, but how can I do it without feeling bad afterwards? I feel like a coward for not saying anything sooner and still haven’t said anything yet. The longer I wait, the worse it’s going to be. She tells me that she likes me. How can she not? I was very nice and I’m already such a likeable person ;). I imagine she doesn’t have many dating options so it’s easy for her to fixate on someone really quickly. I’ve done the same thing in the past. If I learned to talk smoothly to strangers and date properly, I’d probably do okay. But I’m not into that kind of lifestyle so I haven’t pursued it. Now I’m started to get an idea of what kind of pressure I’ve been putting on the girls in my past. It’s a tough situation and it’s tough to let people down, so I sincerely apologize for that behaviour. I’ve never had to let someone down before. It’s hard. I have to steel myself for it or it’s not going to work. Girls have to do it all the time. Must be tough.

 

Did I even do a charity tonight or am I just about to hurt someone really bad? I did pay for everything so at least that part was charitable. No date ever took me out and paid for everything and if girls wanted to throw me a bone every so often, I would feel bad to complain about it. The girl tonight had a tough life and I can see how it’s hard for her personality to fully develop. It’s almost impossible not to react to her condition. People either avoid her or act extra nice around her. I’m guilty of the latter too. I probably shouldn’t have done this “charity” though. I’m not a fan of charities. I’m not saying they’re bad, but they get very problematic. The thing is, there is no end to suffering, starving, unfortunate people. Once you get involved, you realize how much problem there really is and how powerless you are to effect any big changes. It’s a perfect example for how ignorance is bliss.

 

I was able to learn a lot about myself tonight. I learned some empathy and my humanity (or maybe the lack thereof). I feel like there’s lots of room to learn a lot more too. But I’m not eager to learn. I’ve never been eager to learn things.

 

I know I always ask for comments but this time I need it more than ever. If you don’t think I’m a horrible person, please please please let me know. If you do think I’m horrible, you can leave a comment too but I’m not begging for those, lol.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Charity Dating

  1. So I don’t think you’re a horrible person at all. You’re just being honest. It may have been a charity date, but you still gave her a chance. It’s fine if you don’t like her personality… and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you feel about her looks as well. You can’t help it, so I think it’s fine. But you should probably end it quickly lol

    • Thanks Jay, I really needed to hear that. The other thing that makes me feel like a bad person that I forgot to write about is that even assuming I was doing a nice thing, I kept feeling like I should be congratulated for doing it instead of doing it just for the sake of being nice. A truly nice person (if one exists) probably wouldn’t feel this way.

  2. It’s so interesting to hear the guy’s perspective on dating. But question: how did you meet her in the first place? Oh and nokia phones rock. Literally. I hear they can crack open walnuts.

    • Lol now you made me want actually try cracking a walnut with my phone xD.
      I met the girl through craigslist, not the best place for meeting, I know, lol.

      Now I want to read your blog not just for the entertainment value, but also to learn dating from your perspective too!

  3. I am curious to what this girl look like. But regardless to whether or not she’s “ugly” by everybody’s standards, I don’t think you’re horrible for saying so or thinking it and making a blog post about it. Physical attraction is very important. And I feel kind of upset that she didn’t at least make the effort to dress a little nicely.

    As for the charity date. I think its ok to do the first time. But if you just keep seeing someone because you feel guilty for saying no and the other person is hoping that this date could be a start of something real, thats just mean.

    Also I’m very curious to what comedy you do. Do you do stand up?

    • I feel mean whenever I talk about how that girl looks, lol. There was another person who was curious on how she looked and when she saw a picture, she was horrified (omg i feel so mean for saying that, lol). Readers might think I’m exaggerating or just being dramatic when I said that she’s medically deformed but I was not exaggerating one bit.

      I pride myself in my brutal honesty and I was really ashamed that I was unable to be brutally honest with the girl. I just felt too sorry for her… But yeah, at least I didn’t drag it on.

      As for comedy, I try to write funny shit, make funny videos, podcasted for a while, etc… I basically just try to be funny in all areas of life, lol. And yes, then there’s also a thing where I made something that got played on a comedian’s podcast and I did stand up once, open mic. I feel bad talking about the last two because I feel like I’m taking too much credit for only having done them once.

      I try to respond to all comments and I think I’ve responded to all your comments now. There’s a few threads I still need to catch up on but there are no new ones right? I ask because this comment totally slipped by me last night and I would feel really bad if I didn’t reply to a comment. I feel like I feel bad a lot, lol.

      • Well I’m not going to ask for her picture and will leave her looks alone. To be honest, I think I would have done the same thing given the situation. I feel like I’m the kind of person who would go out on a pity date. But nobody’s asked me out in a long time so I may as well be the one being given a pity date to.

        Funny shit is always good. I did read on your post about being featured in Todd Glass’ podcast. Good on you. I’m really into comedy stuff, so if you have other content that’s not in this blog maybe I can take a look.

        Haha. You should’t feel bad about not responding. It shouldn’t feel like you’re obligated to answer. But thanks for replying.

        Stop feeling bad about stuff you shouldn’t feel bad about. You should feel bad about important stuff, like Global Warming. Or the ending of Parks and Rec. Or why Netflix is not available to my part of the world. That is the real tragedy.

        • Wow you just brought the worst news to me. I did not know Parks and Rec is ending. Oh gosh, I feel so bad now lol.

          I’ve done lots of really random stuff. I mention most of them in my blog. My blog alone should take a while to get through if anyone ever decides to go through all my stuff, lol.

          I would ask you out but it would appear we’re not from the same part of the world? I don’t even have any idea how you look yet but given the blog entry we’re commenting on, it doesn’t matter, lol. You seem really funny and chill though so that’s really attractive already =)

          I don’t feel too obligated to reply to comments just for the sake of replying, but I would feel bad if someone took the time to write something to me and I don’t read it because I wasn’t aware of it. Apparently I got too many comment email notifications and gmail threw a bunch of them in spam lol.

          What other comedy stuff are you really into?

          • Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Ive been staying away from watching it so I can binge watch it later. You know, how the cool kids do it.

            Ive been going through some of your older stuff. It helped me stay awake while I was at work this morning.

            Definitely not in the same part of the world. Didn’t you hear my Netflix dilemma?! Or lack thereof?! Seeing as you talk about Craigslist and dollars, my best bet is you’re in the USA – I read your Naked post which is hilarious and weird and scary. I’m glad your still with us after that.

            I’m not in the habit of taking pictures of my face. Selfies is it? But I do have some of those “selfies” in a blog post somewhere.

            I like interacting in the comments and like leaving comments when I really really like a blog post. I think it helps improve someone’s writing and helps build a bigger audience. So thanks for always replying back. No pressure though.

            Comedy stuff. I like stand up. Sit coms like parks and rec. Im into reading books written by comedians. Comedy podcasts too. I’m not too specific. Just anything I find funny.

          • P.S. you asked me about comedy stuff and felt bad that I didn’t mention Broad City. If I ever get to make comedy content in TV form, it would be fairly similar to that.

            • I’ve never heard of Broad City. I’ve got an awesome new show to check out now 🙂

              I’m from Canada actually, haha. Good guess though. What are some of your favorite comedians? Which podcasts do you listen to?

              • Broad City is produced by Amy Poehler so I have a good feeling you’ll like it. Let me know. 🙂

                Well…close enough.

                Stand ups? Louis CK, Bill Burr, Gaffigan thats my solid top 3 I think. I also like Hannibal, Peretti, Glover’s special was decent. Oh! Aziiiz! That guy just keeps getting better.

                I listen to Pete Holmes podcast. And Nerdist is where I discover new comedians. Harmontown is good. Really like The Bugle but dont listen to it often since Oliver has his own show now.

                What other comedy podcasts should I listen to? Just remembered to say Kumail’s gaming podcast which I’ve listened to once or twice.

  4. oh wow amy poehler. Maybe i did hear about it but i just forgot. I gotta check it out.

    I like that I recognize all the comedians you listed, haha.

    I listen to nerdist and kumal too. I like joe rogan’s podcast since I like long podcasts. If you like people getting really silly, then Todd Glass would be good and you get to hear me too, lol. Todd Glass opens for Louis CK so maybe that fact might make you like him more? It did for me, lol.

If you liked what you read, please comment. As a blogger with few followers, I need the affirmation lol.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s