Naturally Deselect My Penis

My penis is pretty small. There’s no point denying it so I might as well make fun of it. I unfortunately don’t have many other ways to have fun with it. For the longest time, I had no idea how long (short) my dick was. I knew it wasn’t big, but I didn’t know if it was just smaller than average or if it was world record small. I’m not good at eyeballing lengths since I don’t measure things in inches and cm on a regular basis. As a digital artist, I can eyeball lengths in pixels but it would be terribly sad to measure my dick in pixels.

 

Having a small penis is undesirable for women and I wonder if I’m never going to get a chance to reproduce because of its unattractiveness. I sometimes blame my genetically small penis for not being able to get laid. However, I’m self-conscious enough to know that that is not a legitimate excuse. That would only be a legitimate excuse if girls constantly run away from me as soon as they see how small my penis is. That has never happened. I can’t even get to the point where a girl would see my penis which proves the illegitimacy of that excuse.

 

Another excuse I often use to not talk to girls is that bars and clubs are too loud and you can’t carry out a conversation in such environment. Once again, that is not a legitimate excuse. If it were true, I would be talking to girls in all other scenarios but I’ve had plenty of chances to talk to girls without loud music and I let each and every one of those opportunities slip away.

 

There’s a chance I may never get laid again. There’s a chance I’ll never get to reproduce. Natural selection is going to deselect me but it wouldn’t be because of my penis size. I simply suck at all areas of dating.

Blindfold Gaming Challenge

This is the video I wrote about yesterday:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtrZo6sVq-Y&feature=youtu.be

Last night, the video was pretty funny in my mind but after rewatching it again today, it’s not as funny as I thought. Maybe I watched it too much or maybe it’s just not that funny. Anyway, hopefully you can find some humor in there and the next few videos will be better. This one was a little under prepared and we just tried to salvage it and put together what we can.

Funny Video Within 24 Hours

I made a funny video with a friend and it’s going to be uploaded within the next 24 hours. I’ll post again when that happens.

 

When I was thinking of a title for this post, I wondered if calling my video funny is arrogant. Funniness is subjective so I can’t really tell people what’s funny or not, can I? Yes I can. The video is objectively a “funny video”. It may not match your sense of humor and you might not laugh at it, but if you can’t recognize that it’s supposed to be a funny video, then there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know if this makes it sound worse because there exists videos that are really unfunny that are “supposed” to be funny.

 

I’ve been around long enough to know I’m pretty funny. I’m probably not hilarious, but I’m definitely at least funny. Sure I’ll tell bad jokes here and there but a good portion of what I intend to be funny, is funny to many people. It’s really uncomfortable to be around people who are truly unfunny but they think they’re funny. How can someone understand so little about humor? It’s so sad sometimes that it really bums me out. Maybe this will better illustrate what I’m trying to say: Most people aren’t so hilarious that I can’t resist laughing, but it’s polite to laugh and they’re funny enough that it’s easy to politely laugh. Some people are so unfunny that I feel uncomfortable laughing politely for them. It’s not that I’m judging their humor, but it’s so unfunny that I almost think they’re deliberately trying to be unfunny, in which case, laughing would not be the appropriate reaction for me to make. But then they proceed to smile, pause, and wait for a reaction as if they did say something funny.

 

Maybe that’s just me overthinking things. I know that when I’m drunk and not thinking and didn’t catch what the other person is saying but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t funny, I just laugh and I don’t feel uncomfortable about it at all.

 

 

I’ve been thinking about doing some stand up comedy again so I recently revisited my notes. I could probably write a blog entry on a lot of those. I should do that some time. I just wrote a chunk and I’ll wrap up this entry by pasting it here:

 

It’s impossible to not feel embarrassed when someone walks in on you while you’re wiping shit off your ass with pants around your ankles. Actually I can take away the wiping shit part. Having pants around your ankle is such an embarrassing state, for so many reasons. First off, your range of motion is inhibited and you’re forced to waddle if you try to walk. Then, your penis is showing. It doesn’t matter what state it’s in, it’s embarrassing. If it’s flaccid, then it’s tiny which is… such a sad sight to see. If it’s erect, then it brings up the question of why it’s erect. I guess it’s not as embarrassing for guys who have those large flaccid hanging dicks. Admittedly, I haven’t seen that many dicks in my life but I have yet to see a large flaccid hanging dick. Until I see one, I don’t actually know if they exist. They’re like mythical creatures to me at this point. For girls, it’s also embarrassing for their naked crotch to be seen. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be embarrassed, but shouldn’t it be less embarrassing because there’s literally nothing there? There’s pubic hair but why should that be more embarrassing than any other body hair? A penis is a weird thing sticking out but a girl’s crotch isn’t really revealing anything unless you look under her. Does it just sound like I don’t understand the human anatomy? I don’t need to see hanging dicks but if any girls want to enlighten me with what the female crotch looks like, I gladly welcome it.

Mixed Marriages Are Better Marriages

I came across this thought when I was watching porn and randomly realized that there aren’t very many mixed pornstars. I began to wonder why that is and the first answer I came up with is that they probably have better parents. Would mixed parents inherently be better parents? Yes. The reason is because the only reason mixed marriages happen is purely out of love. Regular marriages often happen for much stupider reasons like peer pressure or parental pressure.

Swallowing Pain

I have been sick for the past week. I can’t even remember the last time I got sick so this is new for me. I’ve always been mentally sick, but being physically sick is quite a bit different. I can’t really quantify whether I was more tired or I was just being lazy and using the sickness as an excuse not to do anything. The one biggest symptom is that my throat hurt like hell and swallowing is now painful.

 

When swallowing causes immense pain, it makes me question the necessity of swallowing. Normally, I would swallow saliva every 10 seconds or so and it would almost be an involuntary motion. During certain dental procedures, I might not swallow for a while but they have a tube sucking out the saliva for me. When I was a kid, I used to hate the smell of being inside a car. I went through a phase for a couple years where I felt that my saliva is nastier in the car. I also didn’t want to smell the car so I would only breath through my mouth and not swallow any saliva. At the end of every car ride, I would spit out a mouthful of saliva as soon as I jump out of the car. Describing it now makes me sound like the most disgusting little kid. If a car ride went above 30 minutes, it starts to get really difficult and I would almost feel like I’m drowning. My parents never addressed that messed up behaviour. I don’t think that was good parenting on their part.

 

Not swallowing is really a weird feeling. I can do it for ten minutes or so but then there’s this strong urge to just swallow, even if I know that it’s going to hurt like hell. That’s pretty much all I have to say about my dumb throat and saliva but I also want the title to be about swallowing the pain of a heartbreak. Sometimes it hurts so bad, I don’t know how anyone is supposed to deal with it. “Wisdom” would say that the bad moments are necessary to appreciate the good ones but thinking back on recent events, I do not believe that is the case at all. The heartbreak thing isn’t really about me and I feel like I’m writing crappily by being so vague about this but I think I’m just going to leave it like this for now.

 

There’s a few more things I want to write about from an episode of Joe Rogan Experience podcast I just listened to. The guest was Steve Maxwell who is a famous trainer. They talked about the shittiness of Crossfit for a bit. I barely know anything about Crossfit other than the fact that it’s supposed to be some sort of hardcore training regimen. Steve Maxwell discredited it in many ways, even on a common sense level, because the creator of Crossfit is a Greg Glassman, a doughy out of shape man. Why would anyone take fitness advice from him? How is this not common knowledge?

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Steve Maxwell also strongly believed that digesting food is very taxing on the body and has several negative effects. Statistically, places where people often live over 100 don’t have a habit of eating very much. In fact, they eat very little. Steve Maxwell knows the stats better and the names of the places as well. I didn’t bother retaining that information. It feels so much dumber to regurgitate information without the proper stats. The other really interesting thing he does is that whenever he feels ill, he’ll fast. His reasoning is that the human body naturally knows to get rid of the bad cells and use those for energy so you get rid of the bad stuff quicker plus you don’t bog the body down by making it digest a bunch of food. Steve Maxwell was definitely one of those guests that I did not think I would enjoy listening to but he was able to change my mind.

For Fuck’s Sake

How far am I willing to go for fuck’s sake? Apparently very far. I’ve driven hours and hours and never once complained about all the driving for fuck’s sake. I’ll even gladly leave the country, for fuck’s sake.

 

I’ve been working out, for fuck’s sake. Pretty much every time I work out, it’s for fuck’s sake. Ironically, every time I’ve gotten laid was at a time when I had given up on working out. Maybe I need to stop working out if I want to get laid again.

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Look at that awesome cuddle-body-pillow. Someone needs to claim it pronto.

Sex blunders are always funny so I should write about a recent one. I actually fell asleep twice while eating pussy, to the point where I was having dreams. Even now, I can’t believe that happened. If I had to spin it positively, I can say that I am so comfortable around pussies that I can fall asleep with my tongue resting on one. It is purely unfortunate that I was so tired at the time. Now that I’m well-rested, I have too much energy and don’t know what to do with it anymore.

Special Someone

No one is born special. There are some people with certain mutations that make them special but I’m not talking about mutants right now. For normal people, no one is born special. Everyone wants to be special but you’re not born that way. You have to earn it.

 

In a new relationship, you can’t expect to be special. Maybe if you meet your special friend in a little church group or something, but online dating is a whole different world. When you’re dating online, you have to acknowledge that you’re not the only person they’re talking to. In an ideal world, both people would be really into each other right away and they can tell each other they’re special without being creepy and that does happen a lot. But when the dating is more casual, the other person can’t be special. If you tell them they’re special, they get turned off that you’re coming on too strong. Fact is, you are not special at this point. You are totally replaceable. You might be hotter or more attractive, but you’re not special. Whether or not you’re special is entirely up to how the other person treats you. If they’re putting in more effort into you than anyone else, that makes you special. If special treatment is not enough to make you feel special, then the onus is on you.

Boobatron

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I got this new controller and the more I feel it up, the more turned on I got. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but after getting overly excited from playing the new game, I realized that the controller had boob buttons. At times, I cupped it. At other times, I pressed down with just my fingertips. The future is here. I just bought myself a 9-titted toy by accident.

Inconsistent Blogging

Ever since I got an email from wordpress summing up my stats for the year, one thing really stuck to my mind. There was a stat for how many consecutive days I’ve blogged and I got 6. I don’t know how I feel about that number. Considering I never really tried to blog everyday, 6 isn’t a bad number, but it’s definitely not a good number either. Now knowing that that is something they keep track of, I wonder if I should make an effort to raise that number for next year. I feel like that stat did help make me blog more, but not everyday, which is kind of weird.

 

Time for the random words thing again. First word is canny. This word doesn’t come up often. I usually see the antonym, uncanny. It’s odd how sometimes we would see the prefixed version of a word but not see it used in its base form. …Maybe I just made up that oddity because I can’t come up with another example at the moment. Maybe canny is a word they use more in England or something. Cheeky is one of those I think, at least in my world. I never hear the word cheeky but an English girl called me that today. I think it was a good thing but I can’t tell. The other thing that comes to mind is the uncanny valley but I don’t feel like writing about that right now.

 

Next word is balac which is not a word…. It sounds like a guy with an over the top Chinese accent trying to say “black”. Alright, I’ve got an embarrassing story about this that I probably shouldn’t tell but fuck it, it’s coming out. I made a couple stupid videos where I played a dumb character with a thick Chinese accent. I will not link it and hopefully you can’t find it since I don’t think I gave you any keywords to search. I won’t write out the whole bit here, but there’s a joke I wrote involving Barack Obama and pronouncing identically to Black Obama with that thick accent, and saying that I should call myself Yellow.

 

Next word is plenipotent which means to possess full power. That is a really cool definition. Sometimes, I think of reasons for why something is the way it is, and it would make sense, but it would also often have absolutely nothing to do with the real etymology. In this case, I think of it as have plenty of potent. This word also makes me think of Dragon Ball Z, mostly because it was already on my mind because I just found out about Dragon Ball Z XenoVerse today. It comes out February 17 and looks pretty awesome.

 

I’m going to cut this list short today. I have too many distractions right now. A guy from high school just started talking to me tonight. I’ve shown him the games I’ve been making, we talked about earnings and now he’s showering me with compliments and wants to meet. I will not make a gay joke here, lol. Hearing all these praises really made me realize how little positive energy I had been receiving. (Maybe I should’ve left out that last line….)