External Locus of Motivation

I have an external locus of motivation. As such, I cannot even fathom what it’s like to have an internal locus of motivation. Locus is a weird word. It makes me think of locusts, so every time I talk about internal or external locus I think of a bug jumping in and out of a human body… ANYWAY, my locus of motivation used to be more internal but that changed over the last few years. Fortunately, my locus of control is still large internal. An external locus of control sounds like a really annoying person to be around and I do catch myself exhibiting some of those behaviours every so often, so I’m pretty sure I am viewing myself fairly objectively.

 

It’s hard to imagine motivation not coming from an external source. Unless you’re a hermit living in pure isolation, you cannot prove that other people are not affecting your motivation. Even hermits might have pets they’re trying to impress. As long as you’re around people, they affect you. It’s like the observer effect but they’re more than just observers because they interact with you. Basically, I’m pretty sure everyone has an external locus of motivation. The only difference with people who think they have an internal locus of motivation is that they’re too busy doing shit and not wasting time thinking about it like I am.

 

Okay, here comes the 5 random words again. First word is against. My first thought is pitting something against something and my second thought is the phrase “against all odds”. There aren’t any miraculous real life stories that comes to mind at the moment and fictional ones are pointless because they’re fiction.This led me to think about unlikely difficult situations and I’m reminded of a story that comes to mind lately about a person dying of terminal disease and asking her best friends to kill her before it gets worse. I think this was the plot of a short story I read a long time ago, or maybe I made it up, I can’t remember. Actually, now I think it might have been a real story I heard on a podcast. The situation is really uneasy to think about and there’s something really interesting about that feeling of uneasiness. It made me think about writing stories with weird twisted scenarios like these, stacking on more and more conditions to make it more compelling as long as I’m able to keep track of all the conditions and making them relevant.

 

The next word is may. The word is not referring to the month or the name because it’s not capitalized but I want to talk about the names. A lot of months have names derived from them so I want to see if I can think of names for every month. (Some of these may actually have any relation to the months.)

January: Jane, Janet

February: Feb? Fez? Oh wow I’ve got nothing for the second month already. I feel like quitting but I’ll just finish this.

March: Mark

April: April

May: May

June: June

July: I’ve got nothing for this as well. The J almost looks like a g and then I can rearrange it to “ugly”. Don’t know why my mind jumped to that. It also crossed my mind that “you lie” rhymes with july.

 

Okay, I’m done with the month thing.

 

Next word is inclination. This makes me think of my randomness. Because I find normal to be boring, I’m inclined to say abnormal things in hopes for it to be more interesting. But some people just end up thinking I’m weird so that sucks.

 

Next word is slugger. I went through a couple thoughts in my mind before I came to this story about slugging. It’s still not great so you can only imagine what crap I’m not writing about. I was in grade 5 and I absolutely cannot remember the reason for the “fight”, but I slugged another guy in the face. This other guy was sort of a friend sometimes and he’s really Christian. I didn’t punch him for religious reasons though. I honestly cannot remember the motivation at all and we did not enter a brawl or anything either. I slugged him and then we parted ways for the rest of the recess. Days later, he complimented that I punch really strong. Yes, it’s a really random story.

 

Last word is landside. At first I thought it was landslide but it’s not like I had any stories for that either. I started thinking that it might be referring to land vs. sea but it’s more commonly used in airports to differentiate land vs. air. I think this could lead to an airplane story but I don’t have many to tell. I guess I’ll just talk about an episode of Louie from season 1. The show usually doesn’t get very silly but there’s one particular episode that got really silly and it was mostly during the airplane scenes. One of the funny moments was when the security was checking his bag, they asked him what was the content of the bottle of liquid he had in there. He had to awkwardly explain that it was lube, lubrication for masturbating. It’s for technically for sex, but he uses it for masturbating, alone, in his hotel room after the flight. I’m not doing it any justice by retelling it but I hope that gives you an idea how awesome that show is.

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