It should be dishonest but whatever. I spent way too much time just sitting here thinking of the title and I just want to start writing some crap already.
I have always prided myself in being open, direct, and honest. I’ve been thinking about a few of my recent interactions and I realized that I have not maintained that integrity. In an effort to make nice with people, I noticed that I haven’t been as blunt and honest as I associated myself to being.
It’s easy to be blunt when there’s no one to offend. It’s easy to be honest to myself. But when other people are involved, things get a little more complicated. Sometimes, telling the truth can make me a dick, not just when it’s uncalled for. I’ve done that in the past and accidentally pissed off people. But I also don’t like being as prissy I’ve been lately either.
All this honest talk reminds me of a story I heard on a podcast today. The guy gives himself random challenges sometimes and one time he challenged himself not to tell a single lie for a week. It was decades ago and he was trying to enroll in a journalism course and it required him to have a typing speed of over 25 WPM but he was only able to get 21. He asked his Asian roommate to help him pass the test and the Asian dude passed it with a whopping 60-something WPM. When they interviewed him for the enrollment, they asked him how come he jumped from 20 WPM to 60 WPM. Instead of lying and saying he was tired or something, he told the truth and got banned from ever enrolling in that course.
Absolute truth telling can be more trouble than it’s worth. I’m still not quite sure what I want to do with my honesty. I’m probably going to go through this cycle for the rest of my life: Be honest and accidentally make some dick moves or get in trouble → feel bad about it and tell more lies → feel like a dishonest priss-tart and try to be more honest again…