Resultless Effort

In preparation for my stand up comedy set tonight, I tried to write some jokes. I want to clarify that I didn’t write anything, but I tried. Trying is a tricky thing. A lot of people want to be given credit for trying. Their demand makes me want to give them even less credit. If you want to give someone credit for trying, that’s nice. But people shouldn’t go around expecting people to be nice, especially after they failed something. Well, I can’t generalize too much. There are times when the thought is appreciated. But when I go out tonight completely unprepared even though I tried, my failed attempts at writing jokes isn’t worth shit.

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know why I’m struggling so much to write jokes I want to tell. I can hardly even write any blog entries these days. I’ve only been able to write these short little things but at least I wrote something. I actually started writing this hoping to use it on stage but I don’t think I can use any of this. It’s just very heartbreaking to see that maybe I’m really unfit for the job. I wish I could write new stuff but I’m running out of time so I guess I’m going to have to reread my blog in hopes of finding something I can use instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs and thinking about masturbating and not even doing that for reasons I don’t really know.

 

By the way, I know I’m being hard on myself and I’m not completely screwed for tonight. Last night, I already went through a bunch of joke material I’ve kept and pulled out a few that I’m going to use. I’m just disappointed there isn’t more and that I couldn’t write many new ones.

Micro Penis Phobia

Lately I’ve been parading around the fact that I have a pretty small penis. On a number of occasions, people have tried to cheer me up by telling me to look up micro penises. I still have not looked up micro penis yet. First off, I don’t want to look at a penis, big or small. Secondly, what if it’s bigger than mine? I’m not really afraid of that but I still don’t want to look at any more penises than I have to, and I hope I never have to look at one.

Detached Attachment

I fall for girls way way waaaay too easily. If a girl says one nice thing to me or even just smiles at me, I’m smitten. At the same time, I am not a crazy stalker person. … Maybe I’m lying a little. I may do a little facebook stalking but that’s it. But who doesn’t facebook stalk nowadays? I know there are people who don’t but shut up, you’ll do it eventually… probably… maybe…. Okay, but I don’t show up unexpectedly and I don’t send crazy texts. I may send one crazy text by accident (because I was too in the moment and didn’t know how crazy it sounds), but once I figure out that the other person is uninterested, I don’t spam them with crazy texts. I get the message and I never take my anger out on anyone.

 

Most people get to know other people step by step. I don’t. I jump around and skip a bunch of random steps and maybe go back to the earlier steps at a later point. I don’t do things in order. I enjoy deeper and more personal conversation. What that means is, I probably end up talking about sex stuff really early on. Most guys I talk to aren’t prudes and they find it hilarious how I would randomly just start talking about my sex failures and asking for their opinions. However, when it comes to talking to girls, my conversation “style” becomes really creepy and inappropriate. Because of my natural pervertedness, I wind up propositioning girls and creeping them out pretty much as soon as I start talking to them. It is completely my fault. I don’t proposition guys so that’s why I’m so much cooler around them. I need to (I repeat, I REALLY NEED to) stop being such a pervy creep. I didn’t realize how bad I was until a girl was honest with me and helped me realize how bad I really was.

 

Back to the title’s topic…. The combination of me falling for girls way too quickly and my ability to not be a completely crazy person grants me the ability to easily detach myself after clinging onto a girl and scaring them away. I open up to people 100% instantly. Maybe because getting me to open up is not a special thing, there’s a slight lack of warmth in getting me to reveal my deepest darkest secrets. I don’t really have a conclusion here. If I do, my dating life would be better off and I wouldn’t be blogging alone on the computer right now.