Loneliness and Godlessness

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include blasphemy in my rants for fear I might offend a lot of people. But then I realized that I’ve already written racist and homophobic things so why stop now. It’s only fair for me to throw religion in the mix.

Being very depressed and lonely lately, I noticed that there’s two types of loneliness. One where I want someone to talk to, and another where I don’t even want to bother talking to people, which is what I’m feeling now. I don’t know which is worse. The latter should be worse but considering I don’t have anyone to talk to, the former is kind of worse for me. Either way, they both suck.

If God exists, why isn’t Jesus keeping me company? Why is he playing hard to get? There have been times when I’ve tried really hard to find Jesus but I’ve never felt a thing with him so it just feels stupid to keep chasing something I’ll never get. It feels even stupider than chasing girls. Even though I get nowhere with either things, at least I know the girls exist. Maybe I just haven’t found the right girls. Maybe Jesus decided it’s not the right time to meet me yet. Maybe I’m just terrible at chasing girls and deities.

About a half a year ago, a friend of a friend brought me to his church to try and help me because I was utterly depressed. He brought me to three different events and I saw no reason why he would think I would enjoy them. It’s as if he planned to just bring me there and let God do the rest. Too bad God doesn’t exist and no one did anything to me.

Solution For Gay Marriage

Isn’t it about time for people to stop talking about gay marriage? I think it should be legal but a lot of idiots refuse to legalize it and I’m getting sick of hearing people continuing to blindly fight for gay marriage. If those idiots simply won’t change their minds on false grounds, why are you joining their idiocy and fighting them on the same ground?

If there are idiots who claim that marriage should be between a man and a woman, then just call gay marriage something else. Call it gayrage, homorage, whatever you want. Make new laws regarding this new type of marriage that mirrors normal marriage. The idiots who are can’t reconcile with the idea of gay marriage won’t be smart enough to figure out the ruse of the new type of marriage. Just tell them it’s a way to separate the gays to appease them, but we’ll actually be legalizing gay marriage under a different name.

Most idiots will stay idiots forever. You don’t try to teach them rocket science, so why would you try to get them to understand gay marriage? The more you bother them about accepting gays, the more they hate gays because of the confrontation you’re creating. Stop fighting them and they’ll stop fighting back.

Political Responsibility is Not a Thing

The government is a big confusing mess that takes forever to make little changes and they screw up a lot of things. But they also get a lot of things right. There are people who preach that everyone has the responsibility to improve the system because it affects everyone. No. We don’t have that responsibility. Is it unfair that the lot of us just leave it to the few who are trying really hard to maintain and improve things? Not at all. They chose to do it. If they don’t do it, someone else will. When things get out of hand, more people will naturally join in. They don’t need to recruit unwilling participants.

There are people who spend a lot of time trying to figure out the system to improve it and if it’s so hard for them, that’s all the more reason for me not to get involved. I don’t need to know how everything works as long as I only get screwed to a tolerable degree. We all get screwed and a little screwing isn’t going to killing anyone. Everybody uses computers but 99% of the people have no idea how it works and even amongst people who have a fair idea of how it works, 98% of them have no idea how to fix things. The government is just like computers. Everyone interacts with it but they don’t need to know how it works. If it’s broken, someone else will fix it. Heck, most people don’t even know how their own bodies work. We don’t need to know how our assholes expand to excrete shit as long as we can get it to work. When it’s broken, the doctors will fix it. The government is just like our assholes.

Discrimination: When is it Okay? Almost Always.

I’m not condoning hateful behavior because discrimination is a lot more than that. Most of the world is rather unintelligent and they discriminate improperly and that should not be done. But that doesn’t mean nobody should ever discriminate. At its very core, discrimination is simply differentiation. Everyone is different so they should be treated differently. They should be treated fairly, but not equally. It would be retarded to test a fish on its ability to climb a tree. Just like how it’s retarded to hire a fresh off the boat Chinese person who doesn’t speak English to be your customer service representative. The person is unfit for the job not because she’s Chinese, but because he doesn’t fuckin’ speak a lick of English.

She might not speak a lick of English but she's still a great model because models don't need to talk.

She might not speak a lick of English but she’s still a great model because models don’t need to talk.

I was listening to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast where he interviewed Jason Stuart, a gay comedian. Jason was bitching about how hard it was for him to get jobs because he’s gay and how he just lost a job because he’s gay. His bitchings got on my nerve. He wasn’t having a hard time because of his sexual preference; he was having a hard time because he was being a faggot. At one point Jason said, “Am I supposed to change who I am just because I’m on a job?” Yes, Jason, you should. It’s not so crazy to ask a person to change who they are. There are lots of rapists out there who’re doing a damn fine job holding in their urges and not raping everyone they see. Should they also just be who they are?

Just like how she would need to change if she wanted an English speaking office job. She would need to speak English and stop positioning herself for fecal excretion in public.

Just like how she would need to change if she wanted an English speaking office job. She would need to speak English and stop positioning herself for fecal excretion in public.

You don’t get hired to express your feelings. Go do that on your own time when you’re not getting paid. When you’re working, you should be a good worker and stfu unless you’re spoken to. If you can’t do that, you’re just not the kind of worker they’re looking for. It has absolutely nothing to do with what you do with your penis and asshole during your free time. You’re just a bad worker who also happens to be gay. Just like how athletes are hired because they’re good athletes and not because they’re black. They just usually happen to be black.

This girl, however, is here because I googled "pretty black girl" for a picture to put here.

This girl, however, is here because I googled “pretty black girl” for a picture to put here.

There’s a fine line between differentiation and hateful discrimination. Most people are just too stupid and associate all forms of differentiation as discrimination. Sometimes there are gray areas but sometimes it’s obviously unhateful. If you’re smart enough, you won’t need to resort to being offended as a default state. Here’s a progression of statements to demonstrate what I mean. “All women have breasts.” That is just plain fact and there’s nothing sexist about it. “All women have to dress accordingly depending on how they want their breasts to look in public.” That’s still perfectly factual with nothing sexist about it. Even if they don’t care about the way they dress, the way they end up dressing still affects the way their breasts look. “All women get a positive correlation of attention from men depending on the amount of boob they’re showing.” This is starting to hit some gray areas but it’s still mostly simply fact. If there’s any negative generalization, it’s not about women behavior at all; it’s about how men are dogs. But many people out there will gladly accuse me for making a negative accusation on women behavior. Well, I’m here to pre-emptively j’accuse you first.


J'accuse her for showing off her boobs on purpose.

J’accuse her for showing off her boobs on purpose.

False Resentment

It’s easy to resent people for not accepting you when you’re not at your best. But at the same time, I can’t really blame them. If/when I get successful and girls from my past start getting more interested in me, I would wonder where the fuck they were when I needed them the most, like right now. But then nobody would want to be with a shitty excuse of a person like me right now so it’s not really their fault either.

When you’re in a better place, you won’t resent the new people you meet because they did not reject you when you were at your low. But they didn’t have to because they never got to see it. If they saw you at your low, they would probably reject the shit out of you. Chances are, the old friends you resent are actually better friends to you but emotions trick you into hating the ones you should love and loving the ones you should hate.

My Dad Vs. Normal Part II

I joke that I’m socially retarded but I’m just too lazy to follow social norms. My dad, however, is truly a socially retarded person. He literally has no friends and has no intentions of making any. I know a lot of people who might think their parents have no friends but they just don’t have close friends who keep in touch. My dad actively avoids calls from casual acquaintances of the past. Maybe he has some kind of twisted fear of phones. He would often tell my mom to call people for him, like making appointments with doctors or setting up a dinner with relatives for the holidays. Yesterday, the optometrist called during the day and asked me to tell my dad to call them to confirm his appointment tomorrow. Normally, doctors just tell me to remind the patient but this one really wanted a call back.

I had written this message on a note and left it on the table for him. There was also another call yesterday for my mom and I wrote the message on the same note. My mom read it and told my dad but he just ignored her (normal behavior). Today, the optometrist called again. I didn’t answer it this time because the call woke me up and I didn’t want to bother taking the same message again. Moments ago, during dinner, my mom told my dad again and he continued to ignore her. I don’t know if I should add my say in it and suggest he calls as well. If I say something (, anything), he would either get pissed or make fun of me (even though there’s nothing to make fun of). So I never bother saying anything to them. Maybe I should say something (for his own good, and) so I could record it and transcribe for other people’s entertainment to read and hear about on the internet. If you want me to do it, you gotta comment tonight to tell me because tomorrow will be too late.

My Mom Vs. Normal Part II

My mom does this thing where she’ll cook something, wait until I take a bite, and then ask me if it’s raw because she isn’t sure. A normal person would easily test it herself if she has any respect for her cooking or the person eating it. She might as well wait until I take a bite and ask if I taste any shit because she forgot if she got shit on her hands from wiping.

This next little section doesn’t really belong here but I’m too lazy to create a new entry for it:

I was just thinking that it would be cool if a friend wanted to hire me as a live-in housekeeper. My main goal is just to keep a roof over my head and avoid having to pay bills. Damn, I’m so jealous of slaves.