Feeling Down

Feeling down – as usual.

 

Nothing to do – plenty to do but don’t really want to do them or feel guilty doing them instead of working.

 

No one to talk to – partially true? But more so that I hesitate to bother people about the same old crap.

 

Life – I knew you were tricking me when I thought things were getting better….

Resultless Effort

In preparation for my stand up comedy set tonight, I tried to write some jokes. I want to clarify that I didn’t write anything, but I tried. Trying is a tricky thing. A lot of people want to be given credit for trying. Their demand makes me want to give them even less credit. If you want to give someone credit for trying, that’s nice. But people shouldn’t go around expecting people to be nice, especially after they failed something. Well, I can’t generalize too much. There are times when the thought is appreciated. But when I go out tonight completely unprepared even though I tried, my failed attempts at writing jokes isn’t worth shit.

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know why I’m struggling so much to write jokes I want to tell. I can hardly even write any blog entries these days. I’ve only been able to write these short little things but at least I wrote something. I actually started writing this hoping to use it on stage but I don’t think I can use any of this. It’s just very heartbreaking to see that maybe I’m really unfit for the job. I wish I could write new stuff but I’m running out of time so I guess I’m going to have to reread my blog in hopes of finding something I can use instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs and thinking about masturbating and not even doing that for reasons I don’t really know.

 

By the way, I know I’m being hard on myself and I’m not completely screwed for tonight. Last night, I already went through a bunch of joke material I’ve kept and pulled out a few that I’m going to use. I’m just disappointed there isn’t more and that I couldn’t write many new ones.

Micro Penis Phobia

Lately I’ve been parading around the fact that I have a pretty small penis. On a number of occasions, people have tried to cheer me up by telling me to look up micro penises. I still have not looked up micro penis yet. First off, I don’t want to look at a penis, big or small. Secondly, what if it’s bigger than mine? I’m not really afraid of that but I still don’t want to look at any more penises than I have to, and I hope I never have to look at one.

Detached Attachment

I fall for girls way way waaaay too easily. If a girl says one nice thing to me or even just smiles at me, I’m smitten. At the same time, I am not a crazy stalker person. … Maybe I’m lying a little. I may do a little facebook stalking but that’s it. But who doesn’t facebook stalk nowadays? I know there are people who don’t but shut up, you’ll do it eventually… probably… maybe…. Okay, but I don’t show up unexpectedly and I don’t send crazy texts. I may send one crazy text by accident (because I was too in the moment and didn’t know how crazy it sounds), but once I figure out that the other person is uninterested, I don’t spam them with crazy texts. I get the message and I never take my anger out on anyone.

 

Most people get to know other people step by step. I don’t. I jump around and skip a bunch of random steps and maybe go back to the earlier steps at a later point. I don’t do things in order. I enjoy deeper and more personal conversation. What that means is, I probably end up talking about sex stuff really early on. Most guys I talk to aren’t prudes and they find it hilarious how I would randomly just start talking about my sex failures and asking for their opinions. However, when it comes to talking to girls, my conversation “style” becomes really creepy and inappropriate. Because of my natural pervertedness, I wind up propositioning girls and creeping them out pretty much as soon as I start talking to them. It is completely my fault. I don’t proposition guys so that’s why I’m so much cooler around them. I need to (I repeat, I REALLY NEED to) stop being such a pervy creep. I didn’t realize how bad I was until a girl was honest with me and helped me realize how bad I really was.

 

Back to the title’s topic…. The combination of me falling for girls way too quickly and my ability to not be a completely crazy person grants me the ability to easily detach myself after clinging onto a girl and scaring them away. I open up to people 100% instantly. Maybe because getting me to open up is not a special thing, there’s a slight lack of warmth in getting me to reveal my deepest darkest secrets. I don’t really have a conclusion here. If I do, my dating life would be better off and I wouldn’t be blogging alone on the computer right now.

Naturally Deselect My Penis

My penis is pretty small. There’s no point denying it so I might as well make fun of it. I unfortunately don’t have many other ways to have fun with it. For the longest time, I had no idea how long (short) my dick was. I knew it wasn’t big, but I didn’t know if it was just smaller than average or if it was world record small. I’m not good at eyeballing lengths since I don’t measure things in inches and cm on a regular basis. As a digital artist, I can eyeball lengths in pixels but it would be terribly sad to measure my dick in pixels.

 

Having a small penis is undesirable for women and I wonder if I’m never going to get a chance to reproduce because of its unattractiveness. I sometimes blame my genetically small penis for not being able to get laid. However, I’m self-conscious enough to know that that is not a legitimate excuse. That would only be a legitimate excuse if girls constantly run away from me as soon as they see how small my penis is. That has never happened. I can’t even get to the point where a girl would see my penis which proves the illegitimacy of that excuse.

 

Another excuse I often use to not talk to girls is that bars and clubs are too loud and you can’t carry out a conversation in such environment. Once again, that is not a legitimate excuse. If it were true, I would be talking to girls in all other scenarios but I’ve had plenty of chances to talk to girls without loud music and I let each and every one of those opportunities slip away.

 

There’s a chance I may never get laid again. There’s a chance I’ll never get to reproduce. Natural selection is going to deselect me but it wouldn’t be because of my penis size. I simply suck at all areas of dating.

Blindfold Gaming Challenge

This is the video I wrote about yesterday:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtrZo6sVq-Y&feature=youtu.be

Last night, the video was pretty funny in my mind but after rewatching it again today, it’s not as funny as I thought. Maybe I watched it too much or maybe it’s just not that funny. Anyway, hopefully you can find some humor in there and the next few videos will be better. This one was a little under prepared and we just tried to salvage it and put together what we can.

Funny Video Within 24 Hours

I made a funny video with a friend and it’s going to be uploaded within the next 24 hours. I’ll post again when that happens.

 

When I was thinking of a title for this post, I wondered if calling my video funny is arrogant. Funniness is subjective so I can’t really tell people what’s funny or not, can I? Yes I can. The video is objectively a “funny video”. It may not match your sense of humor and you might not laugh at it, but if you can’t recognize that it’s supposed to be a funny video, then there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know if this makes it sound worse because there exists videos that are really unfunny that are “supposed” to be funny.

 

I’ve been around long enough to know I’m pretty funny. I’m probably not hilarious, but I’m definitely at least funny. Sure I’ll tell bad jokes here and there but a good portion of what I intend to be funny, is funny to many people. It’s really uncomfortable to be around people who are truly unfunny but they think they’re funny. How can someone understand so little about humor? It’s so sad sometimes that it really bums me out. Maybe this will better illustrate what I’m trying to say: Most people aren’t so hilarious that I can’t resist laughing, but it’s polite to laugh and they’re funny enough that it’s easy to politely laugh. Some people are so unfunny that I feel uncomfortable laughing politely for them. It’s not that I’m judging their humor, but it’s so unfunny that I almost think they’re deliberately trying to be unfunny, in which case, laughing would not be the appropriate reaction for me to make. But then they proceed to smile, pause, and wait for a reaction as if they did say something funny.

 

Maybe that’s just me overthinking things. I know that when I’m drunk and not thinking and didn’t catch what the other person is saying but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t funny, I just laugh and I don’t feel uncomfortable about it at all.

 

 

I’ve been thinking about doing some stand up comedy again so I recently revisited my notes. I could probably write a blog entry on a lot of those. I should do that some time. I just wrote a chunk and I’ll wrap up this entry by pasting it here:

 

It’s impossible to not feel embarrassed when someone walks in on you while you’re wiping shit off your ass with pants around your ankles. Actually I can take away the wiping shit part. Having pants around your ankle is such an embarrassing state, for so many reasons. First off, your range of motion is inhibited and you’re forced to waddle if you try to walk. Then, your penis is showing. It doesn’t matter what state it’s in, it’s embarrassing. If it’s flaccid, then it’s tiny which is… such a sad sight to see. If it’s erect, then it brings up the question of why it’s erect. I guess it’s not as embarrassing for guys who have those large flaccid hanging dicks. Admittedly, I haven’t seen that many dicks in my life but I have yet to see a large flaccid hanging dick. Until I see one, I don’t actually know if they exist. They’re like mythical creatures to me at this point. For girls, it’s also embarrassing for their naked crotch to be seen. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be embarrassed, but shouldn’t it be less embarrassing because there’s literally nothing there? There’s pubic hair but why should that be more embarrassing than any other body hair? A penis is a weird thing sticking out but a girl’s crotch isn’t really revealing anything unless you look under her. Does it just sound like I don’t understand the human anatomy? I don’t need to see hanging dicks but if any girls want to enlighten me with what the female crotch looks like, I gladly welcome it.

Mixed Marriages Are Better Marriages

I came across this thought when I was watching porn and randomly realized that there aren’t very many mixed pornstars. I began to wonder why that is and the first answer I came up with is that they probably have better parents. Would mixed parents inherently be better parents? Yes. The reason is because the only reason mixed marriages happen is purely out of love. Regular marriages often happen for much stupider reasons like peer pressure or parental pressure.