As amazing as the human body is, it is also an undeniable fact that we are very flawed beings. Therefore, it is no surprise that many things created by these flaw beings are flawed products, especially for something as vague as language. I am writing this post to discuss the semantics of being open-minded.
I’ve mentioned the whole prison business before but if you don’t know about that, you can catch up here: http://www.youtube.com/user/talkprison To sum it up in one line, I might be voluntarily going to a prison. If it sounds crazy to you, maybe it is. But who are you to judge? Fuck you. (My antagonizing seems to have carried over from the last entry…)
In the context of religion, a religious person might try to tell an atheist to be more open-minded to their theism. I’m an atheist and I consider myself very open-minded. I have many religious friends and they tell me to go to their church events from time to time. I go to quite a lot of these, especially lately because I don’t feel like doing shit. Normally, not doing shit isn’t a reason to go to church but I’m just too lazy to fight them off verbally. I always make sure to include the disclaimer that I’m super lazy and the religious crap won’t have any effect on me. I don’t know why that’s not a turn-off for them.
Having an open mind becomes an evidently flawed concept with my recent exploration of religion and prison-phillia. To the religious people, nothing short of believing their faith would be considered open-minded. But I’m there and if a deity can really speak to me, how is he so weak that he can’t overcome my “denial” of him. Just because I’m supposed to have an open mind, it doesn’t mean I’ll start deluding myself and imagine signs from said deity. And you know what? I’m probably one of the most open-minded people in the world. I am positively a heterosexual male who can’t even stand to see a dick in the porn I watch. However, with many things considered (which I won’t go into right now), even though I’m pretty sure I won’t enjoy getting raped in prison, I keep my mind wide open to the possibility that getting raped might not be that bad. I’d wager few people can beat this level of open-mindedness. Some readers might conclude that what I just described isn’t open-mindedness but is instead, just a mask for being a closet faggot. Semantics.
That’s right, the title is not a typo. I know it’s supposed to be erectile dysfunction; I’m not retarded (yet…). Before you start judging me, fuck you and let me explain. (Aren’t I great at antagonizing the reader right off the bat?) Before I get into the definition of this term I just made up, I need to provide some background information.
I’m a 22 year old male virgin. I’m never been in a relationship and never even came close to having sex. I mean, I haven’t really tried that hard so it’s okay. Yes I’m making excuses here. You might call me sour grapes but fuck you. (Yup, I’m antagonizing you again. Bitch.) I’m heterosexual and I’m one of those heterosexuals who overcompensate by only watching solo and lesbian porn. If there’s a dick in the video, I can’t watch it. As mentioned earlier, I’ve never even come close to getting laid. The main reason is because I don’t hang around people much, let alone girls. I can go weeks and months and probably years without ever interacting or making physical contact with a girl Being the horny young male that I am, one might imagine that I might get raging hard-ons really easily upon physical contact.
Finally, here’s where erectile misfunction comes in. When I watch my lesbian porn, I’ve never ever had any trouble getting a hard on. Even if I’m not really in the mood (believe it or not, guys jerk off even when they don’t want to…) I am still able to easily get it hard enough to finish the job, with my library of visual stimulation of course. However, there have been at least 3 distinct instances in my life where I have been squished into a seat or sofa with a fairly attractive girl but I’m soft as a… what the fuck is soft? Ice cream? As I’ve stated twice already, I have never even come close to getting laid. (I don’t know why I keep reiterating it. It seems I subconsciously really want you to know that I’m a super virgin.) I would not be surprised at all that when I do get an opportunity to have sex, I won’t get hard. However, this is erectile misfunction as opposed to dysfunction. I just need access to the internet or my harddrive and I will be ready to go. I wonder who will be the lucky gal to have to wait for me to watch porn before I fuck her.
I don’t really know why I’m making this joke entry. I actually have a huge backlog of jokes I’ve written in the past couple years that I could be using but I’m randomly choosing to make a post for the ones I just wrote. I’m not really analyzing them or working on them or anything. They’re like 80% complete and now I’ve grown tired of describing what this is so I’ll just past them below:
I hope I never get offered a million dollars to give someone a blowjob because I don’t want to be forced to give anyone a blowjob ever. A million dollars… I HAVE to do it but I wouldn’t want to. It would be even worse to be given that offer briefly, and then having the offer withdrawn. I would feel so much regret at my hesitance. If only I dove in headfirst to give the blowjob, I would be a millionaire but because of my hesitance, I lost that chance.
I have a bad relationship with my parents. For their sake, I wish they had died when I was a child so that I would’ve never had the time to resent them. At least they would’ve died as arguably good parents in my mind. Sure, they’re still arguably adequate parents at this point but who’s making that argument? I know I’m not.
Two atheists debate the existence of god. The one that argues in favor of god’s existence is playing the devil’s advocate.
When there’s nothing left to look forward to, death seems like such a lucrative option. I hate to be so melodramatic but at this point in life, I no longer have anything to look forward to. I used to think that I might get married someday but now that just seems like a hassle, having to deal with another human being and all. I may be speaking from inexperience, but I’m not even looking forward to sex anymore since that requires me to deal with another human being, a lot. Sure, masturbating and the real thing might be very different but I reckon masturbating might be better; I give an awesome hand job after all.
Around the time I started this blog, I felt pretty lonely and wanted to talk to people. But I’ve grown past that. Now that I no longer look forward to interacting with people, and being fine with it, there’s really not much in life to work for. In the meantime, life still throws heaps of shit towards me. Without the good times to outweigh the bad, it’s hard to find a reason to not just die.
Video games used to be a big part of my life and for a while I was working towards a career in creating them. I’ve been losing interesting in gaming for the past few years and recently, I just realized that it’s gotten pretty bad. I haven’t been productive at all for the past month(s). My main goal each day is just to try and enjoy life enough to not think about death. Sure, while I’m playing some new games, there are fleeting moments of joy but I’m so unmotivated that I don’t even feel like playing to get those moments of joy. Sometimes, I simply don’t feel like picking up the controller and would rather do nothing. I guess those are just textbook signs of depression.
Well, I already rambled more than I wanted to so let me get to the reason why I created this new entry. I’m pretty much extending my life at this point only because my friends say that death is the worst option. I have no motivation to do any work and I want to burden others as little as possible. I’m basically looking to make my life worse than death so that death becomes justifiable. One approach is to go to prison. I’m very open to the idea and that prison might actually not be that bad. Some might say I’m looking forward to it. If it turns out alright, then I’ll live on a tad longer and see what happens. If it sucks, then I have my reason to die. Hopefully I would have time to kill myself in between bouts of getting raped. I brought up this whole prison thing because one of my friends decided to try and make a show out of it where we basically talk about this absurd “goal” of mine. Just like this blog, although I’m talking about a depressing topic (depression), I try to keep it relatively lighthearted and include as much funny as I can. Hopefully, you will find it enjoyable. http://www.youtube.com/user/talkprison