Who Wants A Great Advertising Deal?

If you have a website that you’d like to advertise, I’ve got a great deal for you. This Thursday/Friday, I will be releasing Tek Tactical, a game that I’ve been working on for far longer than I should’ve. I have developed an advertising system in there that cycles through ads and rewards players for viewing ads. I partnered up with an artist for this project; The artist’s last game amassed 345k views on newgrounds alone and he believes that Tek Tactical is the best game he’s ever made so I’m hoping to see even greater numbers than that.

So, if you have something you’d like to advertise, I can probably make an amazing deal with you. I was going to write another entry about me being too lazy to lie but I’m just going to lump it into this one. I have a friend who psychopathically lies in hopes to simplify explanations. I’ve seen it backfire on him so many times, causing him to frustratingly continue a web of lies or explain the lie, and yet he still does it. I call him a psychopathic liar in jest, but it’s kinda true. At least he’s not dishonest though. He doesn’t lie to get ahead in life. It’s just a stupid habit of his.

I, on the other hand, go out of my way to tell you more truth than you need to know. I will tell you way too many deep dark thoughts to the point where I scare everyone away. My point is, I will try my honest best to get you the best advertising deal with me. I added a bunch of random people on facebook for Candy Crush and one of them seems to sell stuff online. I struck an ad deal with her. When we were discussing compensation, she was going with the norm and suggested to pay me per view I get her. I told her no, she should pay me for sales, not for views. That way, she only pays me when she get paid. It’s a win-win. I don’t even know this woman. The only thing I know about her is that she plays Candy Crush. And for once, I didn’t even fantasize about getting in her pants or anything so I had no reason to be nice to her other than for the sake of being a nice person.

So… if you have something that would benefit from advertising, you should contact me so I can work something out with you. My email is tedgaming@gmail.com

Passionate My Ass

Last night I got lonely and tried to find a girl to talk to online. Most days, I don’t even get any responses so when one responded, it was kind of a treat already. The treat doesn’t last long though. Once I’ve got a responsive person, I then have to actually carry a conversation with her which is an impossibility for me. I totally suck at talking with people. Recent studies have shown that I’m only capable of talking about myself, my ass, and the kinds of shits that come out of my ass. I’m sane enough to not start conversations with these topics. I don’t talk about myself too much either because I’m self-conscious that people might not give a shit and I’m wasting my finger energy stroking the keyboard when I could be using that energy to stroke other parts of my body. …It is pretty rare and difficult for me to carry out a successful conversation.

What? Was Ted saying something? I'm just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies...

What? Was Ted saying something? I’m just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies…

Anyway, we talked for a little while, asking each other introductory questions. She responded quickly which was great. It sucks when people don’t respond quickly. The conversation was going as poorly as it normally would, but that’s fine. Most conversations start slow anyway. I continued trying to ask some questions and answering other questions when all of a sudden, she quits by telling me she just got out of a bad relationship. Bear in mind that I found her through craigslist where she was posting an ad looking for a relationship.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Without knowing wtf just happened and having nothing else to do in life, I emailed her back and asked what it was that abruptly made her stop giving a fuck. This is the conversation that followed:


I’m just a really passionate person

and it doesn’t really seem like you’re that passionate about anything

which is a big thing for me

I’m sorry

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Okay, fair enough. And here’s how I responded:

Hmm… well I’m pretty passionate about comedy and the work I produce be it a blog, stand up material, or video games. I’m not passionate in the sense that I won’t ramble on about them to someone who might not be interested. I’m passionate about improving my life enough that I’m still trying to talk to you some more and see if we can be friends or anything. But at the same time I’m not going to stalk you and try forever. If I still don’t turn you around at all with this email then I’m done trying. I’m just a reasonable person. Too reasonable to a fault maybe.

I mentioned earlier that I’m very flexible with my interests so I can try to get passionate about the things you’re passionate about. That’s one of the advantage of me being an open slate.

Sure, I may sound like a desperate little bitch but I think was still being very fair and should at least be given a shot to CHAT; I’m not asking for her virgin pussy or anything.

Ted is such a whiny little bitch...

Ted is such a whiny little bitch…

And finally, this is how she responds:

I don’t want someone who just picks up my interests

I want someone who has their own interests they’re passionate about, some of which are in common

I’m sorry, you’re probably really nice, just not what I’m looking for.

She doesn’t want someone who’ll do things for her? Is she a masochist or retarded? She had previously mentioned that she liked baking, cooking, and singing. She’s basically looking for a guy who doesn’t share her interests and will probably treat her like shit, or a homosexual.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

I thought about sending an angry-ish email with basically what I just wrote but I didn’t end up doing it because I don’t give enough of a shit about this. I actually don’t really care about this whole thing at all and I’m only writing this because I wanted to write something for the blog. Hopefully it was entertaining enough for you.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.