Loneliness and Godlessness

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include blasphemy in my rants for fear I might offend a lot of people. But then I realized that I’ve already written racist and homophobic things so why stop now. It’s only fair for me to throw religion in the mix.

Being very depressed and lonely lately, I noticed that there’s two types of loneliness. One where I want someone to talk to, and another where I don’t even want to bother talking to people, which is what I’m feeling now. I don’t know which is worse. The latter should be worse but considering I don’t have anyone to talk to, the former is kind of worse for me. Either way, they both suck.

If God exists, why isn’t Jesus keeping me company? Why is he playing hard to get? There have been times when I’ve tried really hard to find Jesus but I’ve never felt a thing with him so it just feels stupid to keep chasing something I’ll never get. It feels even stupider than chasing girls. Even though I get nowhere with either things, at least I know the girls exist. Maybe I just haven’t found the right girls. Maybe Jesus decided it’s not the right time to meet me yet. Maybe I’m just terrible at chasing girls and deities.

About a half a year ago, a friend of a friend brought me to his church to try and help me because I was utterly depressed. He brought me to three different events and I saw no reason why he would think I would enjoy them. It’s as if he planned to just bring me there and let God do the rest. Too bad God doesn’t exist and no one did anything to me.