Breaking Up With Hookers

I spent most of last night and today emailing hookers. If I’ve emailed you in the last 24 hours, please don’t mistakenly think that I’m calling you a hooker. I’m was emailing real hookers, from craigslist. I didn’t set out looking for hookers though. I just wanted to find some girls to talk to and they just all turned out to be hookers. After I found out they were hookers, I didn’t even mind. As cheap as I am, I was ready to pay. That’s how lonely I’ve been feeling lately.

Oddly enough, once they reveal that they’re hookers and I express my interest in their services, they stop replying. Maybe they were first timers and are second guessing their life choices. Maybe they were busy and had dicks in their mouths. Either way, it still made me feel lonelier. I couldn’t even get hookers to take my money. Eventually, I finally got one and when we were finalizing the deal, I saw a picture of her and I began to lose interest. The picture was okay, but it was small and you couldn’t really get a clear look at the girl. But then she described herself as a BBW – big beautiful woman – and that lost my interest. Often times, obese women would call themselves BBW so the term is kind of tainted. I think this hooker is a real BBW who’s a bit big but still pretty decent looking.

I hate how I can be so vain sometimes. I think it’s okay to be vain in the context of looking for a hooker, but I’m ashamed that my vanity carries on to other areas of life. Looks isn’t everything, but it’s definitely a thing. It’s not the most important thing, but it’s still definitely a thing. Being nice is the most important and attractive trait. If there are two people who are equally nice but one person is better looking, that better looking person is more attractive and lovable. That’s just the way things are. But if the uglier person is even a wee-bit nicer, then that person becomes more attractive. The problem is, when you don’t know a person yet, you can only judge them by their appearance. It takes a while to see whether someone is truly nice or not. It’s unfortunate, but often times, ugly people aren’t nice because they’re bitter. Some people claim that they don’t care about looks at all. I wonder if that’s really true or maybe they’re just deluding themselves or maybe a part of their brain is busted.

After I lost interest in the hooker, I needed to “break up” with her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings because even though she’s a hooker, she’s still a person and has feelings. Maybe she doesn’t care, but maybe she does care. I’ve been unintentionally hurtful many times in my life and I don’t like hurting people. I wound up telling her that I’m chatting up a couple other girls and wanted to see if those get anywhere. I think I let her down easy without seeming like a dick or a total waste of time. I think I’m learning to become a better person by exchanging emails with hookers.

Boobs or Butts? (Comment Topic)

The anonymous person who gave me this topic suggested that I would be funny for a topic like this. That’s a lot of pressure. Things don’t always have to be funny so don’t be surprised if this entry turns out to be less funny than you expect. This then begs the question: If Ted’s not going to be funny, why the fuck is he writing this and wasting everyone’s time? Sorry, I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe it’ll turn out okay though? We’ll see.

The quick answer is that I like boobs. If that’s all you wanted to know, you can stop reading now since the rest of this will only be tangentially related to the topic. There shouldn’t be a single person who stopped reading. Who the fuck actually cares whether I like butts or boobs and stops reading once they find out? Anyway, I shall stop myself from getting angry at imaginary people.

Butts and boobs are like apples and oranges. A sweet butt is better than nasty boobs and vice versa. And like fruit, I’d rather have no apples than bad rotten apples. Logically, boobs should be the preferable choice for most men. Boobs are what differentiates women from men the most. All men have butts too so it’s not as special. Hmm… I can imagine butt enthusiasts would argue than female butts are different than men’s. I have never observed a male butt carefully enough to confirm that but I assume it’s true. However, boobs are still more different. The best man-boobs in the worst can’t compare to real boobs but I’m sure the best men butts would be comparable to a woman’s.

It’s also interesting that the labia is not part of the equation. Sexually, that should be the body part we’re most attracted to but it isn’t. I’m happy to go on record and say that the labia is practically repulsive. No one should be offended by this statement. If you’re a woman and you’ve read this far, then you’re pretty much looking to get offended in which case, you’ve come to the right place. Please read on. …Actually, I think I’ve run out of things to write about. Just so I don’t disappoint you, I shall now state something overly offensive just for the sake of being offensive. I know how we can eliminate 100% of all rape crime. Every time you get raped, all you have to do is consent and then it’s not rape anymore. So simple. You have the power to prevent yourself from ever getting raped. Isn’t it such a mystery that a problem solver like me is still single?