Procrastination Fascination

I started recording a podcast with that title today but I bailed on it 15 minutes in. I believe this is the second time I’ve ever deleted a podcast because I wasn’t happy with it. There isn’t any fascination. I only named it that to rhyme with procrastination. Now that I’m still procrastinating, I guess I’ll do a blog version of it. I wanted it to be a podcast because it’s just a bunch of scattered thoughts. There is actually one organized thought in there and I will save that thought. It’s about messenger birds. I may write about it right after this entry or I’ll talk about on the next podcast, whenever that may be.

First off, I find it fascinating that Tek Tactical seems to actively infuriate certain people. I stopped the podcast while talking about this and it’s almost making me quit this blog entry too. A lot of speculation and explanation seems to be required but I’ll just leave it at that and move on. Let’s just say it’s now at a point where I’m glad I’m pissing those people off because they’re assholes anyway.

I’ve been playing Hatsune Miku for the past couple days. Some people might not recognize the name but you might recognize her face:

MikuHatsune-InLosAngeles

If you don’t recognize her, well, I guess you’ll be learning about her now. It’s called a vocaloid and it’s a computer generated voice and people make songs with it. This is a video of a live hologram concert. That one is actually a pretty good song but there are also annoying songs like this or this. Those aren’t even the most annoying ones. Maybe it’s a good thing that I couldn’t find the really bad ones. I only brought this up because I thought it was funny that when I first launched the game, there’s a screen that tells you to be polite and keep the volume down or use headphones. It’s basically the developers admitting that they know the voice can be super annoying.

I’ve been borrowing games from the library. I haven’t done that in half a year but I started again last week. For a brief moment, I thought I could get into gaming again but it didn’t last. There’s still a severe loss of interest. Anyway, the reason I brought up the library is because I travelled to the library yesterday and the day before. The library is about 6km away from my house which wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the fucking snow and ice. On the first day, I chose to bike. I had to walk a good portion of the trip because there was too much snow to pedal through. On the not-too-thick snow, there’s tons of tire slippage going on but it’s kind of fun. Then it slipped while I was making a 90 degree turn and that wasn’t pretty. Actually maybe it was pretty – I wish I could see how I looked from third person. The bike fell sideways during the turn and I jumped off and kept on walking while still holding onto the handles and pulling the bike along. After walking a couple steps and regaining my balance, I jumped back onto the bike but the chain had fallen off so pedalling didn’t move the bike anymore. If it weren’t for that, I might’ve actually looked pretty cool. I had to take a moment to put the chain back on. Historically, I had to get my hands dirty to fix it.. That day, I discovered that if I just pedalled backwards a couple times, the chain will fall back onto the gears.

Biking in the snow was a bit more troublesome than I expected but it wasn’t too bad. Yesterday, I had to go to the library again for another game. It was snowing a bit so I decided to walk this time. For two weeks now, I have been biking on my stationary bike for many hours everyday. My legs were never sore from the previous day so I thought my legs were getting pretty damn good. They didn’t get tired from biking to the library either. However, when I woke up today, my legs were pretty sore. I guess it makes sense that biking is easier on the legs than walking, but it still caught me by surprise. I like the feeling of sore muscles though. It feels like I actually did some shit rather than just sitting around and procrastinating all day. I’m going to the library again tomorrow and I can’t decide whether I should walk or bike. I was leaning on walking earlier, but now I’m leaning towards biking. But then it snowed these past two days so walking might be wiser. I’m still completely undecided.

I have one last thought I want to write about to wrap this up. I saved the grossest for last. I haven’t talked about shit lately. And by shit, I’m talking about fecal matter. (I feel like I need a transition line here. Oh well. Enjoy the foreshadowing.) Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always enjoyed sitting in a bath every so often. As a child, I never noticed that I might be sitting in my own filth. When I’ve been taking bathes these last couple weeks, I notice a lot of skin and hair. I’m not really bothered by those too much, but then if I take a bath after I shit, it doesn’t matter how much I wipe and how much I spray my ass with the shower hose, when I sit in a bath, there’s always one tiny piece of shit dust floating around. It’s surprisingly self-contained and doesn’t change the color of the surrounding water, but it’s still unpleasant to have a tiny piece of shit floating around in the water I’m sitting in. Actually, the lack of color contamination makes sense if I compare it to regular shits in the toilet. The toilet water usually stays clear when I take healthy shits. Comparing these new bath experiences with my childhood ones, I have two theories. Either I’ve become more observant and pay more attention to detail as I’ve gotten older, or maybe my asshole is not as tight as it used to be and shit is slipping out.

Heat Intolerance, Life Intolerance

I’ve been pretty extreme lately with my weight loss. I don’t really need to lose a bunch of weight really fast, but I just felt like doing it for “fun”. I’ve been doing everything extreme. I’ve been eating very little, doing up to 10 hours of sweaty exercise a day, and taking super cold and super hot baths.

I won’t list the exact things I did, but the last couple days were extra hardcore. The main reason it wasn’t as hardcore in the first few days is because I hardly did any exercises in recent years and my muscles were getting shitty. After pushing through the first days, my body is now capable of doing even more exercises, so I proceeded to do more. The last few days were extra bad because I had difficulty sleeping. All the conditions aligned for something almost bad to happen today.

Given the title, it’s shouldn’t be a surprise that one of my extremely hot baths almost went awry. What I do is boil several pots of water and mix it in the tub with the hottest tap water to get water that’s really hot. I’ve done this at least 3 other times before and things went pretty normal for all those times. After all those times, I’ve learned how to get into even hotter water. Last time I did a hot bath a couple days ago, I discovered that even though I dip my foot in and it’s too hot to keep the foot in there, if I sink my entire body in the water, it’s actually more tolerable. I put that to the test today and repeatedly attempt to keep my whole body in the water. I had to get out a few times because it was really too hot, but then I was finally able to stay in there.

I had thought that once I can keep my body in the water, it’s smooth sailing. Turns out, it was too hot for my body and I was suffering from heat intolerance or multiple sclerosis or something. I don’t really know what that is, but that’s what came up when I did a google search on it. My hands and feet started getting numb and at first I thought it was cute. But then it kept getting more numb, along with my chest too. Soon, it felt like my body was vibrating uncontrollably. I’ve never felt this level of numbness before. Because I was fully aware that I was doing something extreme, I was smart enough to push my limits only a little bit at a time. I could’ve kept enduring the numbness, but I figured I’d cool off a bit first and make sure I’m really okay. If I’m fine, then I can push harder next time.

When I got out of the tub to spray myself down with cold water in the shower, I found that I was a bit weak and sleepy. I thought it might be because I over-exercised and didn’t get enough sleep. Turns out those were symptoms of heat intolerance. I don’t know if I would go as far as to say I was losing my consciousness, but it was definitely foggy. But then maybe it was just because of all the steam. I basically just felt sleepy but I tested and made sure that I can use my mind to wake myself up. It sounds weird, but basically, I’m only sleepy if I let my body be sleepy. I can always focus and give myself a burst of wakefulness. I was still able to do that. I guess that means I wasn’t too close to death’s door yet.

After cooling down and getting less numb, I got back in the tub and my body got numb again so I got back into the shower. That repeated four more times until finally, the water cooled down enough that it was no longer giving me extreme numbness. When I googled “hot bath numb” after the bath(s), it turns out that people have died this way. I could have died this way. I wonder if maybe I should’ve. It would’ve been a pretty painless way to go. The actual dying part is painless, but it hurt like hell getting into the hot water.

After I finished the whole bath business, I had dinner with my dad. My mom was still sleeping. She slept through the whole day. She always does that when she’s depressed, which is always. My dad tried to talk to me a bit. For this dialogue, bear in mind that my dad is often times an angry asshole. He lightheartedly and disappointingly questioned why I didn’t go to the doctor with my mom yesterday when she asked. I told him that she never asked. She only asked me to do some other dumb shit for her and I did it for her. Then my dad continued to give a speech about why I should’ve gone to the doctor with my mom if she asked me to. It wasn’t even a speech. It was just repeating misinformation. So I told him again that my mom never asked. Then he called me an angry cunt or some other stupid name for raising my voice. I didn’t raise my voice. After that, he kept making fun of me for being an angry person who will never meet any girls. That’s what he defaults to when he has nothing else to say. He also complained that I never go out and simultaneously disapproved of me biking to places because one time he saw a cyclist scratch a car and the driver came out and threw the bike down the street, bending the tires in the process. The lesson of the story, according to my dad, is that white Canadian people are crazy and will irrationally attack you if you provoke them even a tiny bit.

That’s a typical Saturday for you. It makes me wonder if I would’ve been better off dying in the tub. I know talks of suicide are depressing and I don’t really mean it. I want to want to live. (yes, want to want to) Um… wow, I don’t know how to end this less depressingly. I guess the moral of my story is that you can die in a tub if you’re stupid and try to cook yourself in almost boiling water. I guess I’ll also point out that I’m aware that the title is a little weird. It kind of makes sense, but kind of doesn’t. My titles are often like that. Get used to it.