My blog may not have a lot of views or followers or make any money for me, but it’s still a success. How? Because I met the love of my life on here as well as many other cool people. Is it too soon to call her the love of my life? Maybe. But at the very least, she’s definitely the love of my life thus far.
What is an article of writing? Technically, any piece of writing is an article of writing. Once upon a time, there was a lot less bullshit and you can back up a fact by saying you read it in an article. But what article did you get your facts from? Some dude’s blog? Get out of here.
Ever since I got an email from wordpress summing up my stats for the year, one thing really stuck to my mind. There was a stat for how many consecutive days I’ve blogged and I got 6. I don’t know how I feel about that number. Considering I never really tried to blog everyday, 6 isn’t a bad number, but it’s definitely not a good number either. Now knowing that that is something they keep track of, I wonder if I should make an effort to raise that number for next year. I feel like that stat did help make me blog more, but not everyday, which is kind of weird.
Time for the random words thing again. First word is canny. This word doesn’t come up often. I usually see the antonym, uncanny. It’s odd how sometimes we would see the prefixed version of a word but not see it used in its base form. …Maybe I just made up that oddity because I can’t come up with another example at the moment. Maybe canny is a word they use more in England or something. Cheeky is one of those I think, at least in my world. I never hear the word cheeky but an English girl called me that today. I think it was a good thing but I can’t tell. The other thing that comes to mind is the uncanny valley but I don’t feel like writing about that right now.
Next word is balac which is not a word…. It sounds like a guy with an over the top Chinese accent trying to say “black”. Alright, I’ve got an embarrassing story about this that I probably shouldn’t tell but fuck it, it’s coming out. I made a couple stupid videos where I played a dumb character with a thick Chinese accent. I will not link it and hopefully you can’t find it since I don’t think I gave you any keywords to search. I won’t write out the whole bit here, but there’s a joke I wrote involving Barack Obama and pronouncing identically to Black Obama with that thick accent, and saying that I should call myself Yellow.
Next word is plenipotent which means to possess full power. That is a really cool definition. Sometimes, I think of reasons for why something is the way it is, and it would make sense, but it would also often have absolutely nothing to do with the real etymology. In this case, I think of it as have plenty of potent. This word also makes me think of Dragon Ball Z, mostly because it was already on my mind because I just found out about Dragon Ball Z XenoVerse today. It comes out February 17 and looks pretty awesome.
I’m going to cut this list short today. I have too many distractions right now. A guy from high school just started talking to me tonight. I’ve shown him the games I’ve been making, we talked about earnings and now he’s showering me with compliments and wants to meet. I will not make a gay joke here, lol. Hearing all these praises really made me realize how little positive energy I had been receiving. (Maybe I should’ve left out that last line….)
I want to get back into the habit of blogging regularly but there’s isn’t always something interesting to say everyday. Yesterday I drank too much vodka and got a little sick. I felt nausea but didn’t throw up. I usually drink straight vodka just to get drunk quicker but it was really hard to do it yesterday. I theorize that maybe because I got purified water in my house now and because I wash my vodka down with water, maybe the purified water is cleansing my pallets too much and making me taste more of the shittiness of vodka. I’m done with vodka for a while. I haven’t had a bad experience with beer yet so now I’m drinking beer (yes, right now as I’m typing this). Sure, it tastes like piss but I’m starting to not mind it so much.
Today was a pretty good day. It started off pretty slow and seemed like it might be a bad day. I watched Rules of Engagement all morning. Even though I like the show, I have a hard time enjoying things these days. Then I messaged a friend and got him to run with me. We don’t really run much. We usually just end up walking and chatting but that’s still pretty good. After I walked him home, I went for a run by myself. I had eaten a lot over the weekend so it was good to burn off some fat. I didn’t eat THAT much, but it was a lot in comparison to what I’ve been eating lately. I actually don’t enjoy eating for the most part but I tend to eat just to not waste food and I eat biggish portions so I don’t have to clean as many plates. Now that I’m trying to lose some weight and look awesome, I’m intentionally eating less which is not difficult for me. But yesterday, we went out for a shitty family birthday dinner for me so I had a little more to eat than I normally do. I also pigged out a little today for some random reason. I think I was able to balance it out with considerable exercise today.
After the run/walk with that one friend, I messaged another friend to hang out. We went to get some beer, had a few, then we went out for dinner and played some ping pong. I met with “Uncle Eddie” who he knows from church. The three of us had dinner and played ping pong. I hadn’t played ping pong for a couple years but I picked it back up pretty quickly. I’m pretty damn good. For a casual player, I’m insanely good. Compared to competitive tournament players, I’d probably fit in one of the lower tiers which is still not bad. I feel somewhat ashamed for being good at ping pong though because I feel like I’m fitting straight into the stereotype of being asian and being good at ping pong and math.
I played some pretty intense ping pong with uncle Eddie. He’s an old asian guy who’s played for many years and I’m a bit better than him so it was really fun and a really good workout since I voluntarily picked up the ball the majority of the time. Now I’m drinking beer and blogging. Getting beer was actually the primary reason I went out with the second friend today and played ping pong. I had a tiny buzz when I met Eddie and I was more chatty and friendly with him than my usual self. I know that I’m sort of at risk of developing mild alcoholism and that it’s bad, but it seems to be doing good in my life so far. At this stage, I know I can easily quit so if someone wants me to stop (I think you know who you are), I can stop and quit drinking right away. Otherwise, I think I’m going to drink (responsibly) for a while until some bad happens.
I don’t expect anyone to have read my entire blog. It’s too much. But if someone can’t even be bothered to check it out, then that person doesn’t really want to talk to me and I wouldn’t want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me. If someone does want to talk to me, there’s no reason not to read my blog. What is there to be afraid of? It’s too thought out? Would they be more comfortable with dumbed down conversation? This is all just a pointless rant though because it’s a pretty obvious point I’m making. Ironically, reading my blog can replace the need to talk to me because you’ll pretty much already know everything that’s happening with me.
This reminds me of why I began blogging in the first place. I had originally intended it to be autobiographical and document my entire life. By the time I finished writing and reflecting my life, if it doesn’t make me want to live, then I guess I wouldn’t have much reason to live. At that point, it would serve as a suicidal note for people to read if they question my motives. I would expect most people to not bother reading it or not read the whole thing and it would prove that my life isn’t even worth a few hours of their time.
Well that was depressing. I probably shouldn’t even bother posting this but I’m gonna do it anyway. Let me see if I can end it with a joke to lighten the mood a little: Being depressed is rarely a good thing. The only time I find it useful is when I’m around an annoyingly cheerful person and I watch them awkwardly react to my apathetic ways.
I want to be loved. I think that’s a normal emotion to have. I’m not a super needy person so I don’t bother anyone in my real life about this need for love. If anything, I would’ve given the impression that I don’t want their love and want to be left alone. I don’t expect people to love me for no reason. That’s why I present people with my offerings of creating content: games, blogs, podcasts. I provide you with some funny shit and you show me some love in return. Pretty fair trade I’d say.
Unfortunately, I’m not THAT brilliant. I can’t just magically create content in seconds. Heck, I often don’t create content for days and weeks and months and years. And sometimes I write shitty sentences like that last one. Of the three types of content I’ve listed, creating games is the hardest one. It’s the hardest, the most frustrating, the most time consuming, and most people don’t give a shit about it. It’s by far the least efficient content if I’m solely looking for love. But it’s the only one that makes money so I can’t just abandon it. It also gets the most views. There are way too many blogs and podcasts so it’s hard capture an audience but a great new game will still get a lot of attention, at least initially when it’s new. I seemed to have lost track of the point I was making and just started listing random facts about games.
Anyway, if I’m looking at a quick dose of love, making a game isn’t the way to go. So I’m left with blogging and podcasting. Blogging’s well and good, but I feel like I need to have more than two lines to say about something before I write about it. Writing also feels like more work because I feel obligated to refine it. I need to proofread and make sentences flow, otherwise, it would just be shit that hurts people to read and I wouldn’t get love from that anyway. That’s why podcasting seems like the best medium if I want to create content but don’t feel particularly motivated to do a lot of work. With podcasts, I don’t need to nor am I expected to edit it. I can talk about smaller topics that I only have two lines to say about, like nuclear pants. It sounds like nuclear plants but it’s not and it sounds silly. That’s all I have to say about it. I can’t write a whole blog entry on that. I snuck it in here but look at how much crap I wrote just to squeeze that in. Podcasting isn’t exactly easy either but I feel like once I get used to talking more, it CAN become easy.
…Everything you read just now is kind of bullshit. It’s not bullshit because they’re not true, but it was kind of an extended exercise of beating around the bushes. The real reason I want to do more podcasts is because a very special person tells me she loves my accent. Okay, that might’ve sounded a bit cliche and creepy and weird, given the context that I will not be providing. I think she gets it though. We kinda talked about this. You get it, right? As for trying to get love, can anything be easier than talking with my natural accent?
Okay, so I explained why I want to do more podcasts. Why don’t I do it then? Well, that’s because of my current living situation. I hate repetition so I hate that I’ve repeated this so many times in my blog already. I’m going to skip the detail and assume you’ve read my previous posts. Too bad for new readers. This is true wherever I’m living, but especially because I’m living at my aunt’s, I don’t want to cause unnecessary disturbance. I think sitting in the corner and seemingly talking to myself would be considered pretty disturbing. There’s one hour a week that no one else is home. It’s one of the days that my uncle has to do dialysis. If I could only do one hour of podcasting a week, that wouldn’t be so bad considering I naturally do much less than that anyway. However, I’m a nice guy and I’m supposed to be helping out and I can help out by driving them to the hospital. When I drive, I can drop them off at the door and pick them up at the door which is a lot more helpful than it sounds due to their current situation. So now, I basically have to choose between helping out my aunt who doesn’t NEED my help but could definitely benefit from it, or I can selfishly seek love from putting out podcasts. Despite how much of an asshole I may appear to be, I’m actually a nice guy. As a nice guy, I’ve gotta drive them to the hospital. That is why I can’t make any podcasts. I’ll try to find some other time to do it. For now, I’m stuck with blogging. Even though I idiotically laugh at my own sentences, I sit in the corner and silence my laughters so it doesn’t draw any attention. From behind, it’ll just look like I’m shivering which makes sense because I exclusively wear shorts and t-shirts despite how cold it gets. I feel like I can go on and expand on many tangents here but I won’t. I’ll just stop this here. This is starting to feel like my podcasts, the way I never know how to end it and just keep saying it over and over again in different ways. Okay… End.
The podcast won’t be up tonight because my friend decided not to come over the pick up the files to upload for me. Honestly, I should just upload it myself because the bandwidth over-usage isn’t that much anyway. I’ve recorded 360 megabytes so far and assuming I upload to 2 sources, it’s still under 1 gigabyte which would only cost $2. That’s less than the gas money of my friend coming over. But I’m still not doing it; I’m gay like that. Just wait until tomorrow night.
I’ve recorded 9 episodes so far ranging from 30 to 60 minutes each episode. There’s about 5 hours of recording and I can’t say I’m proud of any of it. …I wrote a couple things but I kept deleting them. I thought about teasing the podcast by listing some of the titles but I’m too lazy to do that. I guess this is all I’ve got to say for the moment.