Boobatron

photo

I got this new controller and the more I feel it up, the more turned on I got. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but after getting overly excited from playing the new game, I realized that the controller had boob buttons. At times, I cupped it. At other times, I pressed down with just my fingertips. The future is here. I just bought myself a 9-titted toy by accident.

Advertisements

Too Many Boob Thoughts

I usually start off with a few thoughts but I already wrote a whole entry just before this so I guess I should dive right into the random words.

 

…I really do feel like I want to start off with some thoughts first. I was thinking of writing about working out but I don’t like to write about that because it ventures too close to bragging. I guess just let it be known that I’m working out. A lot.

 

Okay, the first word is baseman. Baseman refers to baseball players who are guarding the bases. When I first saw the word, that was not what I had in mind at all. It doesn’t matter what I thought though cause those weren’t interesting anyways. I’ve never watched baseball and barely played it in real life but I actually learned all the rules pretty thoroughly from a super nintendo animal baseball game that was super fun. The other thing that comes to mind is people referring to sexual acts with bases. I never really liked that. As far as I know, first base is kissing, second base is boob play, third base is fingering the pussy, and home run is vaginal sex. I don’t like it because there’s an implied order to do those things and an implied achievement level for each activity. It didn’t jive with me because I always thought boob play is the awesomest thing ever and it feels underrated in that base system. The other thing I don’t like about it is that it only covers those 4 activities. There are plenty of other activities that should rank better than those 4 but they get no mentions at all. It is too flawed a system for me to appreciate.

 

I have the same problem with virginity. It places way too much importance in vaginal sex. What about anal? In most cases, getting someone to do anal is a bigger achievement than vaginal. There are also other ambiguities. Does one need to finish inside a vagina for it to count? I think most people don’t require that. If not, then how many thrust does it take to count as losing one’s virginity? One? Does one thrust really count? If so, then what constitutes as a thrust. How much of the penis needs to enter the vagina for it to count as one complete thrust? Does any of this matter? No. No it doesn’t. That’s why virginity is such a pointless term to toss around and it’s nonsensical how much importance our society places on it.

 

The next word is presetting. My first thought about presettings is how sounds in video games are set up. Often times, the sound effects are too loud and it’s way better if it’s turned down. It’s sad how people spend so much time making the games but the presettings are far from the optimal, causing most people to have an inferior experience. Most people don’t give a shit about that nerdy game talk so I’m not happy writing just that. My next thought is microwave presettings but I don’t have any thoughts on that. Microwaves just came to mind when I thought of presettings. Among those, popcorn is what comes to my mind first. Is this train of thought going anywhere? Popcorn… popcorn… I like popcorn… and I like the kernels too…. I bought Nature Box snacks recently that had honey roasted kernels and I enjoyed those…. Of the 5 snacks they sent me, I tried the kernel first and was happy with that but then I tried and did not like any of the other 4 snacks. Congratulations. You just followed a train to nowhere. On the one hand, I’m a little disappointed that I had nothing interesting to say. On the other hand, I’ve written enough on this word already that I feel okay with just moving on.

 

Next word is intervalley. For a moment, I thought this was a pointless word that means the same thing as valley but then I found that it actually refers to the space between valleys. I’m trying to think of how to use that word usefully and I’m having a hard time. I guess I don’t live around valleys enough to use such a word. Now I’m trying to think of non-geographic valleys. The first thing that came to mind is boob cleavage. One could call that a valley, right? Oh and don’t be surprised that boob cleavage is what came to my mind first. I’m pretty boob obsessed. Always have been and probably always will be. Proudly so. Until someone shames me for it.

 

Anyway, that’s just one valley though. I need two valleys for the word intervalley to mean anything. I was trying to justify in my head… what if we called the upper part of the cleavage a valley and the lower part another valley. Then the part where the boobs touch would be the intervalley. I don’t think the upper and lower cleavage can be called valleys though since it doesn’t rise back up again, unless the person is a mutant. Then I started thinking about other body parts. Nostrils can maybe be called valleys but it’s odd because when we stand rightside up, they’re upside down. The next body part I have in mind makes more sense to be called valleys since they are displayed upside down more often, putting them in the rightside up to be called valleys. Can you guess what body part I have in mind? It’s the vagina and butthole. If those are my valleys, then the taint would be my intervalley. So I guess the taint is the intervalley of the human body.

 

Next word is painful. If I didn’t bold all my words, I could make a stupid pun where I pretend like I’m describing the next word rather than listing it. I’m reminded of a similar kind of pun with the name Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu. Mark who? Mark Hu! …And that can go on for as long as you want, or until the other person punches you in the face.

 

I can’t believe I don’t have anything more relevant to write about painful. …I might be better off leaving this one alone because it can easily lead me down a rabbit hole of depression.

 

The last word is intersystematical. Until I started writing these random word entries, I’ve never encountered so many words with so many prefixes and suffixes. I kind of like it. But I don’t see how I can use these words without sounding like a total douchebag. Intersystematical refers to the space between systems of stars. I wonder if there’s a more day-to-day way to use that word like I tried to do with intervalley. When I try to think of what systems are out there, I think of workplace as a system and computer operating systems. I don’t think this is leading anywhere funny. … Wow, this is a very unfunny word.

 

I’m going to have to take drastic actions to make this even mildly amusing. I thought about changing 2 letters to make “system” into “sister” and the new word is intersisteratical. Wtf? It’s not a word at all but I’m not getting the red squiggly underline. Anyway, that was just a throwaway and doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know why I feel like documenting my train of thought. What I’m actually going to write about comes from the “sys” part which reminded me of the term cisgender. I learned that from a transexual on a podcast. I think his name is Buck Angel. Cisgender is basically the opposite of a transexual. It’s a person who was born the gender that they want to be. Basically it’s a term to label normal people. I loosely threw the word “normal” around in a previous entry and it also caught my attention at the time. I’m using the word in the strictest, scientific sense. The norm is just what’s most common. There’s nothing wrong with being abnormal. Being special isn’t a bad thing.

 

Back to cisexuality. I don’t know if I’m cisgender. I have no intention of undergoing a transition because that takes way too much time, money, effort, and it still isn’t perfect. I do envy the female body a lot though. If I could magically be a girl temporarily, I would definitely want to try it out. Definitely gonna play with my boobs and masturbate. But even with access to a magical transformation, I don’t know if I necessarily want to commit to being a girl permanently. One of my biggest fears would be suddenly being attracted to penises. But I guess that fear would be irrelevant if I became a girl. Plus, I could always opt to be a lesbian. That’s the dream.

Strip My Night Away

I don’t really like that title but oh well. The more straightforward title is My First Stripclub Experience. Yes, I went to my first stripclub today. For a depressed guy who usually doesn’t do shit all day, today was actually quite eventful. First, I did almost 4 hours of podcasting with MrJohnson. That alone would have already made the day stand out, but then Justin decided to invite me out to go to Niagara casino with him. He offered to pay for food and expenses as long as I drive to his house first so I decided to take advantage of the kind offer.

I attempted to record a podcast during the car ride but it didn’t turn out too well so I probably won’t be uploading it. As usual, I make gay jokes about myself, talk openly about sex (or the lack thereof), and told them about the recent fat hooker experience. They realized that I haven’t seen live boobs of a pretty girl yet so they decided to drop by the stripclub before going to the casino. This was my first time going to a stripclub. It was fine, but nothing to get crazy about. The mere proximity of some pretty boobs weren’t exactly going to cure my depression. Maybe if a girl I really like presented her boobs just for me, that might help with my depression but that’s a whole different fantasy altogether.

I didn’t even get hard at all, but that was because I didn’t try to get hard. But then if I do try to get hard, I could do it without having hot girls around. Justin wanted to buy me a lap dance but we went in when the club was going to close in half an hour and he said I should pick a girl I really want. There was one girl that caught my eye. In fact, I pretty much stared at her the whole time. I probably seemed really pervy because she was at the table right next to mine and I just kept staring. But then again, I was at a stripclub so it doesn’t really matter that I seem pervy. I didn’t end up getting a lap dance because she was busy with a rich guy the whole time. I basically spent my first time at a stripclub staring at a dude.

There are a few other things I could write about but I’m going to skip ahead. We left the stripclub and I needed to pee. Just for fun, I decided to pee in the snowpile in the middle of a cul-de-sac. Then we went to the casino and my friends proceeded to lose a bunch of money. I had no intention to gamble so I didn’t gamble and didn’t lose any money and didn’t have to feel shitty about that. On the ride back, I had a long and repetitive talk with Justin and now it seems I might be dabbling in android game development very soon, like right after posting this entry, as long as I don’t lose my motivation which could very well happen. Tonight, I saw some boobs and possibly got some motivation to work, can’t say it was a bad night.

Pedophile Vs. Child Molester

Child molestation is definitely bad. There’s no arguing about that. Pedophillia on the other hand, I will go out on a limb and say that it’s not necessarily bad. Certainly, being attracted to children is not an ideal mindset to have, I can agree to that. But who the hell has an ideal mind? Everybody’s fucked up. If you’re not raping or killing anybody, then you’re probably a good person. There is no crime in being attracted to what you’re attracted to. Just don’t molest anyone whether they’re kids or not.

Does this mean pedophiles are doomed to misery? No. I believe it is technically possible to get off on children without harming them. I know I’m going down a super slippery slope making this argument but what the fuck do I care? It’s not like I’ve got a life to lose. Look, all boys loves boobs. A 5 year old boy can suck on his mom’s tits for milk and it’s not a crime. It’s weird as fuck, but it’s not a crime. What if he’s nursing off of another woman. Is that a crime? I don’t know what the laws are, but it shouldn’t be. It sounds like heaven. As long as nobody’s being forced to do anything, who are we to ruin their routine, as much as we might cringe at it. For all I know, the boy loves sucking on those tits and he’s the happiest human alive.

Here’s another scenario. What if I were 15 years old and I retardedly fell into a puddle of mud, dick first, while I had broken arms. My uncle happens to be looking after me that day and rightfully decides he needs to clean me up. So we’re naked in the showers and I get hard and he washes the mud off my dick. While rubbing soap on my dick, I cum in his face. At which point of this story does this because a crime? It should entirely depend on whether anyone’s being forced to do anything. What if we laughed our asses off at the ridiculousness of the situation. Neither of us need to be gay to enjoy what I have to assume is a very uncommon experience.

Do you see my point? If you don’t, then you’re stupid. There’s nothing complicated about those scenarios I made up because I made them up and I made up the emotions of the people involved. Real life is far more complicated for sure. I’m not trying to justify any crime here. I’m just pointing out that pedophillia in and of itself isn’t necessarily bad, though it usually is. I’m actually pretty proud that I was able to illustrate a scenario for both adult males and females. It was pretty hard to think of a positive scenario where dicks are involved. As a heterosexual male, dicks always ruin my day and I have no idea how it feels like to be attracted to them.

Boobs or Butts? (Comment Topic)

The anonymous person who gave me this topic suggested that I would be funny for a topic like this. That’s a lot of pressure. Things don’t always have to be funny so don’t be surprised if this entry turns out to be less funny than you expect. This then begs the question: If Ted’s not going to be funny, why the fuck is he writing this and wasting everyone’s time? Sorry, I don’t have an answer for that. Maybe it’ll turn out okay though? We’ll see.

The quick answer is that I like boobs. If that’s all you wanted to know, you can stop reading now since the rest of this will only be tangentially related to the topic. There shouldn’t be a single person who stopped reading. Who the fuck actually cares whether I like butts or boobs and stops reading once they find out? Anyway, I shall stop myself from getting angry at imaginary people.

Butts and boobs are like apples and oranges. A sweet butt is better than nasty boobs and vice versa. And like fruit, I’d rather have no apples than bad rotten apples. Logically, boobs should be the preferable choice for most men. Boobs are what differentiates women from men the most. All men have butts too so it’s not as special. Hmm… I can imagine butt enthusiasts would argue than female butts are different than men’s. I have never observed a male butt carefully enough to confirm that but I assume it’s true. However, boobs are still more different. The best man-boobs in the worst can’t compare to real boobs but I’m sure the best men butts would be comparable to a woman’s.

It’s also interesting that the labia is not part of the equation. Sexually, that should be the body part we’re most attracted to but it isn’t. I’m happy to go on record and say that the labia is practically repulsive. No one should be offended by this statement. If you’re a woman and you’ve read this far, then you’re pretty much looking to get offended in which case, you’ve come to the right place. Please read on. …Actually, I think I’ve run out of things to write about. Just so I don’t disappoint you, I shall now state something overly offensive just for the sake of being offensive. I know how we can eliminate 100% of all rape crime. Every time you get raped, all you have to do is consent and then it’s not rape anymore. So simple. You have the power to prevent yourself from ever getting raped. Isn’t it such a mystery that a problem solver like me is still single?