The Day I Got Circumcised

I don’t know how many people remembers the day they got circumcised as vividly as I do. It was kind of a nightmare to go through but I have to admit that certain things must’ve looked hilarious to people who aren’t me so I’ll write about it for your entertainment. At first, I was trying to think of a title that’s parodies “the day I lost my virginity” and make it about my dick instead. I think it would’ve been one of my horrible failed pun titles so be glad that I went with a straightforward one instead. And now, let the story of the unfolding of my foreskin unfold. (Dammit, I hate it when force stupid puns that don’t really work but I can’t stop doing it.)

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I don’t remember the exact age that I had my penis circumcised. I know it happened while I was in Hong Kong and I moved to Canada at 6 so it would’ve been one of those first 6 years. I think it was when I was 2 or 3 years old but I’m not too sure so it might also have been when I was 1 or 4 or 5. I only know that it’s not 0 or 6. I was a nice and obedient child so when my parents took me out that day, I didn’t ask stupid questions. Thinking back, I wonder why I never questioned any part of it at any point. I just went along with everything because I trusted my parents 100%. What a dumb kid I was. But then again, at 3 years old, I’m completely powerless anyway.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I'll just stare at my boobs all day.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I’ll just stare at my boobs all day.

I laid on the doctor’s table and followed his every instruction with a smile on my face. I just realized that I was actually a happy enthusiastic child but my parents wore me down over the years and now I’m a super cynical and depressed piece of shit. I don’t think any anesthesia was used for the procedure. Or maybe the doctor just snuck it in there without me knowing. He told me to count to 100 and I was proudly showing off my ability to do so. He may have told me to count odd or even numbers only because otherwise, I must’ve been retarded to be proud of being able to count. Actually, being proud to skip numbers is still pretty retarded.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

I started off counting super fast and the doctor told me to slow down. I started over again and only got to around 40 when the doctor said he’s all done. At this point, I had no idea what procedure I just went through. I had to take off my pants and I knew he was working on my nether regions but I actually didn’t bother to think about what just happened. I was like a stupid little retard. I don’t know how much slack I should cut myself for being 3 at the time. We left the clinic and my parents called a cab. I literally jumped into the cab, just being the active happy child that I was. When I landed on the seat, I paused for a moment, realized that I felt immense pain, and started crying. The cab driver must’ve been like “wtf” but I don’t remember paying any attention to him at all because I was too busy crying like a little bitch who hurt his dick from sitting. My parents handed me the game boy and I started holding back my tears so I can play Super Mario Land.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

Even at the time, I realized how stupid it was that I can be pleased so easily, but that didn’t stop me from getting pleased that easily. Because I was a stupid kid, I was only able to pass the first 2 levels so I just played those over and over again. I guess that’s the story of the day I got circumcised. I remember that for weeks after, I had to put empty toilet paper rolls around my dick like dogs with their cones. I also remembered that the first time peeing after the circumcision was painful and it made me cry and I was afraid of peeing for a little while.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

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Porns and Recreation

In short, this is a compilation of a bunch of observations I have about porn. I’ve made a lot of observations because I’m an avid porn collector. …I just stared at the screen for 20 minutes trying to think of the next line that would justify that remark but I can’t come up with anything. I guess that’s just honestly who I am now, plain and simple. I mean, I spent all of last night binge browsing for new videos to collect and I’m writing about it right now so porn is pretty much my whole life. This entry is a composition of my musings from one night of porn browsing.

 

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

Instead of a book, I had a computer. Instead of an opened shirt, I had opened pants. And I pretty much looked just as unamused.

It’s not uncommon for guys complain about fake tits. But it is uncommon to hear guys praising fake tits. I don’t get it. Why don’t I hear more people praising them? I’ll be the first to say I love fake tits as much as I love real ones. Maybe I only think that because anything is better than nothing and I’ve always had nothing. Or maybe I just have weird tastes because I also often prefer girls with glasses. There’s a porn video called Girls With Glasses but 1 minute into the video, one of the girls takes off her glasses, wtf?

That's like the equivalent of me saying I'm going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

That’s like the equivalent of me saying I’m going to fuck all night long and then finishing after a minute.

Speaking of porn titles, when guys see the name of their girlfriend or their ex, they simply have to check out the video. The chance of it being the same girl is nearly impossible but we just have to make sure. It’s a bit of a weird mentality. Kind of like how sometimes I’ll see a girl that looks decent but isn’t nearly as good as some of the girls in other videos that I have but I keep the video anyway because I’d feel sorry for her if I deleted it. That’s a really fucked up kind of sympathy.

"Eeeeee-okay I'll keep this video" - fucked up sympathy face.

“Eeeeee-okay I’ll keep this video” – fucked up sympathy face.

I’m a very hardcore fan. When I like something, I need to have EVERYTHING. This applies to games, movies, tv shows, comedians, actors, and porn actors. Some of the videos aren’t even good but I keep it anyway because I’m such a loyal fan. Evidently, I like porn a lot so I’m basically downloading all the porn which proves to be problematic in many ways. I’ve complained about my internet a few times on this blog already. I switched internet service providers a couple months ago and I’ve been having problems ever since. I have this problem where I can’t surf the web when I’m downloading stuff. So now I have to choose between downloading porn, or continue browsing for videos to add to my huge ass porn queue.

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. ...Not every caption's gonna be comedy gold, okay?

They look like they might be queuing and they have asses. …Not every caption’s gonna be comedy gold, okay?

Now I’m not literally downloading all the porn because that would be insane. Like many other men, I don’t enjoy seeing penises when I engage in sexual activity and masturbation is my only sexual activity. So I basically just download all the lesbian porn. I’ve recently discovered that my porn preference is even more specific and it’s fairly odd. It turns out that I don’t like sexy girls. I actually don’t like watching sex, not even lesbian sex. I basically just enjoy watching pretty girls doing anything as long as they’re nude. On some rare occasions, I keep softcore porn that has guys in it. In those cases, I prefer the guy to be offscreen as much as possible and when he’s on screen, I prefer that he’s clothed. Again, sexiness isn’t part of the equation for me. It’s all about naked girls and boobies. I’m pretty sure this won’t bode well in my future sex life, if I ever get one.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn't turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won't get into here since this entry is super long already.

Am I actually suggesting that this doesn’t turn me on? Kinda. I actually have a whole rant about kissing but I won’t get into here since this entry is super long already.

I’m still fairly young and I’ve lived with my parents all my life. It just makes sense to watch porn with no sound, especially when I’m watching while other people are home. Every so often, I would be home alone and I decide to unmute the porn to enjoy it at its fullest. Maybe it’s because I’m used to getting sexually aroused with no sound, but the girls’ sexual cries actually make me uncomfortable and I end up re-muting the video most of the time. I feel sorry for the girl who takes my virginity because I’m such a sexual disaster.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

That would probably be the look on the girl after I do whatever I do.

But hey, there’s a good chance that no girls will ever have to go through that because I might never lose my virginity. I’ve previously written about my misadventures on craigslist and it seems I just never learn from my mistakes because I’m visiting craigslist again. The response rate is relatively low and I just get spam ads for sex sites most of the time. I sent off some emails a couple days ago and this time I haven’t gotten a single response, not even spam. I’m so lonely that I even miss the spam. That’s just sad and retarded.

I might as well join her and do whatever she's doing.

I might as well join her and do whatever she’s doing.

I may be young, but I’m getting older and I’m at the age now where most of my life, I’m used to seeing “working people” as people who are older than me. By working, I mean anything that pays pretty much: restaurant waiters, grocery store clerks, customer service representatives, actors, porn actors, and literally everything else. But now I’m at an age where I start to see “working people” who are younger than me. It makes me feel old, especially when I’m jerking off to a younger girl. I saw a video with a guy who looked much younger than me. I was pissed enough just from seeing a guy in my porn, but I actually found myself getting really mad that he’s so young and he’s getting laid while I’m still a virgin and he’s rubbing it in my face.

Just like how she's rubbing in everything I don't have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

Just like how she’s rubbing in everything I don’t have. I have no holiday spirits, no gifts, and no girls.

In the far foreseeable future, my only sex partner will be my hand. My intolerance for dicks in porn saddens me. Not because I want to be more gay-curious, but because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of hot girls who appear exclusively in straight videos. Browsing through the titles, II recognized the name of a girl from lesbian videos. The girl was brunette and now she’s blonde and she looks great both ways. I want to add that to my rotation but there’s a damn dick in this new video.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

They look good both ways, front and back. Now imagine a damn dick ruining this image.

Because I’m only looking for lesbian porn, when I see the word “gay” in the title, I actually click to check and see if they might be using the term broadly to include lesbianism. As much as I hate seeing dicks, I actually don’t mind checking out a gay video just to make sure I don’t want it. Speaking of dicks, I had a long discussion with a friend about whether dicks are more often circumcised or not and we used porn for reference.

I won't post dick pics but this picture looks like there's a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

I won’t post dick pics but this picture looks like there’s a huge black dick sneaking up on her.

Even though I never use videos with dicks, I have seen a lot of them when I scan through videos. I have seen hundreds of dicks. It makes me sad to know how true that statement is. I’m circumcised and my friend is not. I thought that the majority of men in North America are circumcised and my friend thinks they’re not. We actually looked it up in wikipedia. If you think I’m kind of disgusting, then you don’t have respect for knowledge. To truly respect knowledge means you can casually google dicks with your guy friends for research. The findings are inconclusive and that kind of makes sense since we’re not asked about our penises in the census. What’s surprising is that I use porn as source that most dicks are circumcised but my friend insists that most porn he has seen do not have circumcised dicks and he claims he’s more knowledgeable because he watches straight porn, unlike me. He may have watched dicks longer than I have, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more different dicks because I watch (a lot) more porn. I’m an intelligent person and I realized that I might actually be wrong about the circumcised porn dicks. It’s true that I have seen hundreds of dicks, but I rarely see dick heads. I usually just see the shaft and I move on to the next video.

I'm so phallic-phobic that I don't even like the metal shafts here.

I’m so phallic-phobic that I don’t even like the metal shafts here.

I’m going to end this entry here. I actually have a lot more notes taken down but this entry is getting long and I’m getting tired of writing. I’ve been writing less lately and just generally been doing nothing so this has been a lot of work for me. You should appreciate it.

I'm going to go pass out on a bed except I won't be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.

I’m going to go pass out on a bed except I won’t be able to fall asleep and no one will be checking out my ass.