Resultless Effort

In preparation for my stand up comedy set tonight, I tried to write some jokes. I want to clarify that I didn’t write anything, but I tried. Trying is a tricky thing. A lot of people want to be given credit for trying. Their demand makes me want to give them even less credit. If you want to give someone credit for trying, that’s nice. But people shouldn’t go around expecting people to be nice, especially after they failed something. Well, I can’t generalize too much. There are times when the thought is appreciated. But when I go out tonight completely unprepared even though I tried, my failed attempts at writing jokes isn’t worth shit.

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know why I’m struggling so much to write jokes I want to tell. I can hardly even write any blog entries these days. I’ve only been able to write these short little things but at least I wrote something. I actually started writing this hoping to use it on stage but I don’t think I can use any of this. It’s just very heartbreaking to see that maybe I’m really unfit for the job. I wish I could write new stuff but I’m running out of time so I guess I’m going to have to reread my blog in hopes of finding something I can use instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs and thinking about masturbating and not even doing that for reasons I don’t really know.

 

By the way, I know I’m being hard on myself and I’m not completely screwed for tonight. Last night, I already went through a bunch of joke material I’ve kept and pulled out a few that I’m going to use. I’m just disappointed there isn’t more and that I couldn’t write many new ones.

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I Got Played On The Todd Glass Show!

Not sure if anyone listens to podcasts here or listen to The Todd Glass Show. I sent in a bit a little while ago and he finally played it! It’s exciting, lol. After hearing it, I made a new one and sent that in too. Hopefully I’ll get played more and more!

 

You can check it out here:

 

http://www.nerdist.com/pepisode/the-todd-glass-show-179-brandon-wardell/

You can skip ahead to 24:20 to get to where I start.

 

I uploaded the original audio on youtube here. He didn’t play the whole thing. Where he stopped, it almost made me seem like a bad person lol. Anyway, enjoy!

1 Broke Guy Likes 2 Broke Girls

I just started watching 2 Broke Girls and I’m loving it. I think watching this right after watching 4 seasons of Mike and Molly made this even better. A good looking cast isn’t the most important thing, but it certainly doesn’t hurt. I think Mike and Molly has the… “most average” looking cast ever. Even The Office has a group of pretty people in the mix. In Mike and Molly, even the “pretty pothead sister” isn’t very pretty. She looks alright, but not exactly the irresistible eye candy that her character is supposed to be. I think the best looking character on Mike and Molly might be Carl, Mike’s black cop partner. As a very mildly homophobic and racist person, that’s saying something.

 

I don’t think the girls in 2 Broke Girls would normally be super hot in my eyes but right now I find them very attractive, especially Max Black, played by Kat Dennings. That’s pretty much all I had to say. I don’t really have a point it. I guess I just wanted to declare my love for the show even though it means absolutely nothing to anyone.

SFT Podcast Episode 31 – Stand Up Gay Bit

I might try doing another open mic for stand up comedy and I tell my favorite bit that I wrote last night about gay stuff. I also do a lot of rambling afterwards. By the end of it, I got pretty sick of myself, lol.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0031-Stand-Up-Gay-Bits.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/wdmpytqk9r0

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

SFT Podcast Episode 28 – Misery, Comedies, Sex Clarification, Etc

In the last episode, I related all physical contact to sex and I know that sounds ridiculous so I clarified that a bit in this episode… to show that I’m not absolutely crazy. I also talked about comedies and being miserable so you get a bit of everything in this episode.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/n1nj6ez6tv0cprb/SFT-0028-Misery%2CComedies%2CSex-Clarification%2CEtc.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/sDgeb1k-jZM

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Perpetual Self Improvement

Some of you might wonder: How does Ted do it? How can he write so much and be so funny all the time? Nobody’s ever actually said that to me but I will accept your silent agreements. If nothing else, just let me masturbate my ego on my path to becoming a truly masturbatory being.

 Forget those fake sexy pose. This is what true masturbation looks like.


Forget those fake sexy pose. This is what true masturbation looks like.

I’m able to push myself to greater limits because I’m my own biggest fan AND harshest critic. I am constantly beating myself up for coming up with bad jokes so I have to try harder to impress myself. By the end of the day, I’m usually pretty happy with what I’ve done. I am constantly reading and re-reading my own work.

Me too! I've been reading this book forever. You'll never catch me doing anything else. And I wrote this book myself! Too bad I don't know how to write so I'm actually just staring at a blank page.

Me too! I’ve been reading this book forever. You’ll never catch me doing anything else. And I wrote this book myself! Too bad I don’t know how to write so I’m actually just staring at a blank page.

Then a day passes. I look back at what I’ve done yesterday and it’s never enough. I also hate repetition so I have to constantly come up with new and better jokes. This will happen indefinitely until I become the most famous comedian in the world, or if my parents finally kick out of the house for being unemployed and on the computer all day.

So I'm not the only one who's unemployed and on the computer all day. I can't even afford furniture, Lol.

So I’m not the only one who’s unemployed and on the computer all day. I can’t even afford furniture, Lol.

With all that said and done, it might not actually be wise to take this as advice because I broke every rule I just stated. I reused an old joke and this isn’t even as funny as the last few things I wrote.

What? I shouldn't be listening to Ted? But he told me to enlarge my breasts so that I get more out of doing push ups. Was that just a ruse so he can see bigger boobs?

What? I shouldn’t be listening to Ted? But he told me to enlarge my breasts so that I get more out of doing push ups. Was that just a ruse so he can see bigger boobs?

Talking Dirty and Cyber Sex

These two things are pretty much the same to me. I can differentiate that cyber sex resides exclusively on the internet while talking dirty can happen in person. But as a virgin, those two things have no difference to me. I never really understood the appeal of cyber sex. If you’re looking for sexual stimulation on the internet and you’re begging a girl to write you a book, you’re doing it wrong. And that’s the other thing, good cyber sex is like poetry which to me sounds like more work than fun. A couple years ago, I accidentally stumbled into cyber sexting with a girl. How does that happen? I couldn’t tell you. I really can’t. I don’t remember how it happened and can’t imagine a logical progression.

I can tell you what happened. I walked into a bar... backwards...

I can tell you what happened. I walked into a bar… backwards…

I didn’t know what to do and wasn’t interested in learning how to do it either. I remember a couple days earlier I had saw a funny picture online of some hot and heavy cybering and once the guy gets really into it, the “girl” “pulls out her huge cock” and start whipping it on his face. It was a hilarious prank that toys with the horniness of dumb teenage boys.

And then I whipped out my huge cock.

And then I whipped out my huge cock.

Back to the sext I walked into, (too bad I can’t just accidentally walk into sex the same way) I started copying the dialogue from the prank. I present to you, a master of half-assery.

And I'm a master of full-assery. (writer's note: I want to us a picture of a fuller, plumper ass here but I don't have one readily available. If you want to suggest a picture for me, I can swap it with this one.)

And I’m a master of full-assery. (writer’s note: I want to us a picture of a fuller, plumper ass here but I don’t have one readily available. If you want to suggest a picture for me, I can swap it with this one.)

Recently, I started sending dirty emails with a girl. At first I wasn’t really into it for I have never done it before save for that one time if you want to count that. I guess I was just really lonely and wanted a connection with another human being. But then this girl changed me. I started getting more and more into and now I can’t stop myself from writing more. I’m convinced that this girl can get me to do anything. I have become a slave to her sexual whims.

Unfortunately, sex counts even if you weren't into it.

Unfortunately, sex counts even if you weren’t into it.

Imagine if time travel was possible. If the old me travelled to the present time, I might accidentally sext with myself and then the old me would cybertronically whip his “huge cock” across my face.

I don't need a time machine to rub my ass against myself.

I don’t need a time machine to rub my ass against myself.

I can’t think of a good joke here and reused a picture so I’ll add another one. Two mediocres don’t make a good but you can never have two many sexy girls. Was that a pun or a typo? Whichever one is less embarrassing in your mind.

In the cyber world, I'm more than just a cardboard cut-out. (Obscure 30 Rock reference no one will get.)

In the cyber world, I’m more than just a cardboard cut-out. (Obscure 30 Rock reference no one will get.)