I just watched the last season of Parks and Recreations and cried like a little bitch in almost every episode. Every time I cry when I’m watching a show (which seems to be increasingly frequent), it always feels like I’m mixing in a ton of other emotions. I’ve always felt like I’m just crying about other shit and what’s happening on screen is merely a tiny trigger that made it easier for me to cry. But the more I think about it, maybe that’s actually the normal reason to cry when watching something.
A lot of people coupled up in the show and watching their loving relationships made me feel things from a relationship I just officially broke up from yesterday. Although I felt like I’ve invested way more than my fair share, I still could’ve done more. Is it the man’s responsibility to selflessly give everything to enhance the woman’s life? The way April hesitated for Andy to leave his TV show to move to Washington for her… The story arc was very short but I think it succinctly summed up all there was to tell. April felt bad that Andy had to change his life for her but he showed no hesitation which put her to ease. I was going to change my entire life for my relationship but I showed too much hesitation and that ruined everything. I hesitated, but I still wanted to do it, but that wasn’t good enough. Is it too much to be asking me to be like the awesome Chris Pratt – awesomer Andy Dwyer? (actually I don’t know which one is awesomer!) Maybe it is asking too much. I’m sure most people would never sacrifice so much with so little thought but I was pretty close….
Then there was Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope, where Ben stepped down from running against Leslie. (If it isn’t obvious by now, this blog entry is going to refer to the show a lot.) Once again, the man just selflessly gave the woman everything and made her happy. Even if it objectively was not necessarily the better choice, it doesn’t matter because all it matters is that the woman’s happy. The objectively better choice thing made more sense for the Andy and April storyline; The Ben and Leslie one was fairly equal. Well, they actually made the right choice going for Leslie. I’m getting sidetracked. The main point is that the guy gave a lot to the girl and that was attractive and sexy.
There wasn’t any touchy story with Tom Haverford but there was one for Donna. In this relationship, the woman gave to the man. The guy in this relationship seemed kinda gay but that’s beside the point. This sort of breaks the trend I was spotting where the guy is expected to make more sacrifices – not completely though. This was just an exception where the woman was ridiculously far better off financially and it showed that there are no absolutes, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a strong trend. The numbers are still 2 vs 1 where men had to make more sacrifices and those sacrifices are arguably greater than Donna’s. I’m not demanding equal rights for men here or something stupid like that. I’m just trying to sort out my own personal feelings of whether I should’ve more readily sacrificed more and whether that should’ve been something I should do as a man, or even just as a lover – regardless of gender.
The other reoccurring theme in the finale (arc) was people getting bored of life and trying to find something meaningful to do. That happened to Ron and April. I’ve been struggling with that existential crisis long enough. The main difference is, those are fictional characters with fictional lives, living a fictional happy ending. Even then, they’ve put in years of working hard before chasing their dreams. I haven’t done shit. (Not completely true. I’ve done some shit but not enough…) Whether or not I deserve a dream job some day, I have not earned it yet. Plus, I don’t even know if such a job exists for me. I don’t have the luck to be blessed with a dream job without working hard for it but that’s not something I expect. I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life but apparently, people are starting to offer jobs to me (game development, book editing, mobile app development). The money’s not great yet, but it finally looks like it’s going somewhere and yet I haven’t worked on them for a few days now. Is it a legitimate excuse that I’m going through a heartbreak? I don’t know…. I hope I don’t fuck it up and lose these jobs but seeing as how I’ve been being a procrastinating fuck-up for the past few years, I really don’t know if I’m going to fuck up these opportunities. All I know is, I haven’t started my path on correcting things yet because I’m writing this blog and planning to play 3D Final Fantasy XIII after this, after I just finished binge-watching the last season of Parks and Recreation. The saddest part is, I’m not even going to enjoy playing games. I’ll probably get bored in a few minutes but I just rather do that than work at the moment. What am I working for? Once again, I find myself at a point in my life where I don’t have a future to look forward to. I also hate being such a depressing bum too….