Mercy, Dream

I know I’ve had this thought before but I don’t think I wrote about it on the blog. I don’t like to be repetitive so I hope I didn’t. If I did, it would have been a long time ago anyway.

 

I’ve read that within an 8 hour sleep, we go through 3 or 4 REM cycles which is where the dreams occur. I’ve also read that we can only remember dreams if we wake up in the middle of them. Thereby, unless you’re waking up multiple times a night, you only remember one dream at most and the rest are completely forgotten before you wake up.

 

Assuming all of that is true, what is the right thing to do when you see someone suffering in their sleep? If you wake them up to end the suffering, they’ll remember what happened. If you let them suffer, at least there’s a decent chance that they’ll forget all about it by the time they wake up.

Eggs In A Basket

When I do things, I don’t like to do them half-assedly. I want to go full ass. The expression “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” is true under one axiom: if you can’t afford to lose your eggs. In real life, eggs (or whatever they are a metaphor for) would not end your life even if you broke them all. They’re just eggs. Go buy more. We shouldn’t be expecting the eggs to go wrong in one basket either. Reinforce the basket to ensure nothing goes wrong. Plus, carrying multiple baskets will increase your chances of screwing up.

 

I’ve had this next thought for a while now. You know the old news about when Justin Beiber totalled his car? I was thinking about that and want to use it as an example, and defend him in my example. First off, I want to be clear that I don’t like the guy. I don’t feel strongly about it, but he’s just easy to dislike. I feel mostly neutral about him but if I had to pick a side, I would easily pick the hater side. Anyway, I don’t know any detail about that news but I can imagine hypothetically, in a similar situation, a guy could be a little reckless but might not necessary fuck things up. It’s very possible that there were people nagging him and telling him to be less reckless, which ticked him off, occupied his mind, and is what tipped over the recklessness to actually cause an incident. Basically, I’m saying that there are times where nagger are the cause of problems so don’t nag. Don’t be annoying. If things are bad, nagging makes it worse, not better.

 

Lastly, I’m going to write about my dream last night. I was listening to podcasts when I went to bed and fell asleep while listening to the Nerdist podcast with Metallica as the guest. Then in my dream, I was part of the band and I was driving them around. I don’t know how they look like but I was basically just hanging out with 5 “cool” dudes in the dream. I don’t even know how many people are in the band. Anyway, in the dream, I drove them around in a Volkswagen Beetle and the thought kept crossing my mind that it was an unmanly car. It’s not that I even like that car or anything but that’s just what happened in my dream. I had weird anxious feelings that they might make fun of me for my car choice but then the drive worked out and I felt relieved that I picked a car that worked. Not sure why there was the idea that another car might not have worked. Then the dream moved on to us staying at a place and as we were leaving, I looked in the closet and it had some of the same clothes as my closet. That was odd. Was it my closet? I took a look at the other clothes and it was not my closet but there were surprisingly some of the same clothes. I thought I should take them with me since they were “my clothes” and then a pacman ghost floated into the closet. I felt fear and the place now seems haunted. I put the clothes back and woke up. I’m sure all this dream talk made no sense at all. They sound like they might be emulating some deep seeded emotions or something but beyond that, it didn’t make much sense and I really don’t think I did a good job describing it. I had those dreams in my first sleep that I woke up from at 2am. Maybe I could’ve done a better job if I wrote about it then but I chose to sleep instead. Hopefully my next dream entry will make more sense than this.

Dreaming Of Virginity

Jcckeith suggested I write an entry about dreams. In preparation for that, I searched my blog on everything I’ve written about dreams and read those entries. I gotta say, I enjoyed reading it more than I thought I would and had a few good laughs. I used to make a lot of jokes around the fact that I was a virgin and it made me think that I was funnier when I was a virgin. It makes me wish I was a virgin again if that somehow made me funnier.

 

… I’ve been getting some texts that I’m not happy to see so I’m a little bummed out right now…. I’ll try to wrap up this entry with a dream story. Not sure if it’ll be any good though…

 

It’s hard to remember old dreams in detail. There’s only one I remember at the moment so I’m going to write about that. In the dream, I was in a gym locker room with a bunch of naked guys and I started looking at their penises and was happy that mine wasn’t the smallest. I’ve never done that in real life and if I did, I might not see the same results. Until that dream, I’ve never dreamt of penises. Don’t try to suggest something’s there. It was nothing. This dream happened the day before I went on a first “date” with a girl. It wasn’t really a date but let’s just call it that for convenience sake. Telling the dream wasn’t as funny as I thought it’d be. It didn’t fall flat, but it was definitely more weird than funny. Nothing ever happened with that girl. I’m pretty sure my penis dream story wasn’t the reason for that, but it certainly didn’t help.

Random Little Things

There were actually quite a number of random little things yesterday I should’ve included but I had forgotten about them. They are really random and really little.

On my walk home from the library yesterday, it had been snowing a lot for hours and snow was gathering up. When I was about to turn into the street where I live, I see a car sliding all over the place and having a hard time gripping the road. When I walked past the car, the driver yelled out the window, “You’re making better time than me!” He said it in a really hill-billy kind of way. That’s all.

You know the stereotype where Asian tourists take pictures of everything? Well I saw some next level stuff yesterday. I have a new next door neighbour and I haven’t talked to the guy yet, but yesterday, from inside my house, I saw him stick a 2L bottle of Nestea in the snow on his driveway and taking pictures of it. It’s like he’s in his own little world. A lot of neighbours were out shovelling the snow but he just did his own thing without caring about anyone else. If I were him, I would’ve done that silly stuff in the backyard or not do such stupid shit at all. I almost envy the way he can ignore the rest of the world like that.

This last one is kind of odd. Well, everything I say and write is kind of odd. The night before last, I went to bed and start dreaming right away. I literally only lied down for less than a minute and I was already dreaming. It was almost as if I was dreaming while still awake, or I just fell asleep super fast. In the dream, I was riding a bike down the street and all of a sudden I fell over. This is was not uncommon based on my last couple weeks of biking and walking to the library in the snow. With snow and ice, sometimes the ground is completely uneven and you can see it through the thick soft snow. As I fell off the bike in the dream, I woke up and my entire body shook as if I just landed from the fall. It was a pretty weird experience. I don’t know what else to say about it. It was just weird.

Dumb Sex Drive

I hate being horny. Correction, I hate being horny with no one to fuck. And given that I’ve never had anyone to fuck, I hate being horny. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been providing my body with the pussies that it desperately desires and it’s returning the favor by making me super depressed.

…I was going to write more and describe a “sex” dream I had but I don’t feel like doing shit anymore. I’ll just briefly summarize that in the dream, I was Ted from How I Met Your Mother about to sexually engage Lily. I thought it was weird that in my dream, I was someone with the same name as me, but not actually me.

Randomly Racist Dream

I just randomly remember a really racist dream I had last night. Super random. In the dream, I was looking into being a male prostitute and apparently, the darker the skin of the client I take, the more I get paid. It was like a standard scale in male prostitution in the dream. My subconscious is an asshole…

Self Realization From Nonsensical Dream

Describing dreams to other people is a delicate art. Dreams often skip around, bend reality, and not make sense so it requires decent storytelling skills to fill in the gaps and not make it sound retarded. Unfortunately, I’m not a good storyteller so this is going to be a shitty dream story.

 

You should skip this paragraph because I’m going to describe some crazy nonsense. I’m 23 and no longer attend school but in the dream, I invited a friend and a black couple to come to my house for lunch. When it was time to head back to school, we left the house to get into the car. The black couple got into one car, and for some reason, my friend and I got into an SUV with 2 black gangsters in the front seat whom we don’t know. Apparently, they’re acquaintances of the black girl in the couple. I turned on my charm, became personable and chatted up the gangsters. Turns out, the culture of these specific black people is that girls are encouraged to engage with multiple partners and these gangsters were like her spare tires even though she was with a boyfriend at the moment. I told you this paragraph isn’t going to make sense.

 

So anyway, I get in the car with 2 black gangsters and they were supposed to drive me back to school. Part way through, I noticed they didn’t take the right path. I politely informed them that I was cool with the fact that they were taking a detour. We wound up in some crazy sketchy area where they were meeting someone and making some kind of deal. Some new gangsters approached the car, these new gangsters were mexican/latino. Not sure what the difference is but at least my dream brain isn’t being super racist against black people and crime. It seems to be completely influenced by movies and media. These guys came up to the car, opened the door, and started shooting their guns at us. They killed the black gangsters in the front seats and shot multiple rounds at me too. I only got shot in the hand and it hurt a lot even though the wound was like a splinter. The whole time while they were firing at me, I kept crying for mercy and saying I have no weapons. As much as I talk about being depressed and wanting to die, when shit goes down (in a dream), I clung to life like a pussy. I’ve predicted this as one of my possible reactions to life/death situations but I was very disappointed to catch myself reacting this way, even if it was just a dream.

 

I explained to the new gangsters that we didn’t know those black gangsters and that we’re not associated with them. They spared us and took our food. The dream skips around a bit here and I end up inside these gangsters’ base, which is like a warehouse. A lot of the gang members were there, around 40 of them. There were some hot chicks in the mix too. I walked up to the group and spoke to the leader. I made a grandiose speech, just like you would see in the movies. I announced that I want to join them. I see money, power, women, what more can a man ask for? The leader decides to test me. He points to the back of the crowd at this hot chick and tells me I need to shoot her in the head. The girl seems to be part of the gang and didn’t react at all; she kept looking down and using her phone. Her lack of reaction wasn’t because she didn’t hear her death sentence, but it was because she didn’t care for some reason.

 

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t shoot this random hot chick in the head. I’m not sure that I was ready to kill yet. I tried  to analyze the test to see what I was really being tested on. Was it a test to see if I can mercilessly kill a human? Was it a test of loyalty that I wouldn’t kill an a fellow member under pressure? Was it a test of gun proficiency because he told me I only get 3 shots? I tried to think outside the box to see if I could get around the test. I considered telling them I’m more of a behind the scenes mastermind kind of guy who can make plans and strategies. But then I was afraid that they’d interpret it as calling them stupid. Maybe the gun they provided me shoots blanks. Why else would they trust me to put a gun towards the back of the crowd and not shoot anyone else. I thought that might be onto something so I said something out loud to buy some time because I’ve been thinking for a long time. I told them that they wouldn’t want me firing at their direction so I’m going to walk up to the girl for point blank range. I waited to see if they would respond, to see if it would clarify whether the test was about firing accuracy. Nobody said anything so I proceeded walking towards the girl.

 

I was in a tough situation. I didn’t know what was being tested and I didn’t think they’d just let me quit the test and walk away either. I didn’t want to have to kill anyone, but it was even harder because she was a hot chick, With all my perversions in mind, it felt like a waste of a body. Would it have been easier if I had to kill a guy? I kept thinking that I’d much rather fuck her than kill her. Not rape though, I don’t condone rape. Would she rather die than get touched my me? I’m not into necrophilia so I wasn’t going to kill her and then fuck the body. I might still go for a boob squeeze though. Then I thought about how to tell her I’m killing her whilst touching her warm alive boobs. The dream pretty much ended there because it got too ridiculous. If I had a cooler brain, it could’ve turned into a sex dream but I can’t even get laid in dreams.

 

What I learned from this crazy dream is that I turn to a mega wuss with death encroaches and that my mind is forever perverted even in super tense situations.

Sexual Desire to Live

I don’t know why I make these weird titles because I don’t even like them. They’re like 1% clever but that’s exactly what it is. 1% is a horrible fail. It’s retard level…

Anyway, this one’s about sexual desire and the desire to live. Most guys I know go crazy for girls and it looks kinda pathetic to me, to the point that it pisses me off. It’s not that I don’t understand horniness because believe me, I do. It’s people’s inability to control it that bothers me. Why do most people have so little control of it? When I go to the bank and see people handling a wad of money, of course I’d like to have that in my hands but that doesn’t mean I’m going to steal it. Most men can resist the money and yet they can’t resist the pussy.

 

If I didn’t perform …physical maintenance on my body as often as I do, I’m sure I’d be crazy for pussy too. But because I can achieve self satisfaction, I don’t see what all the fuss over puss is all about. I just woke up from a weird dream and it’s interesting to see myself do what I preach… or I guess I’m just imagining what I preach since it’s just a dream. The dream starts off with me hiding out in a building, not being able to sleep because a war is starting the next day. It felt like a zombie-esque environment, where people band together and barricade in buildings except we were fighting off soldiers instead of zombies. Eventually, I’m in a group with a number of girls. I was sitting in a swivelling computer chair and the girls walk past me in the nude, about to take a shower. For some reason, them walking past me in the nude was socially natural (in the dream) but I reached out to squeeze a boob as they pass me and I immediately apologized for being inappropriate. The girl told me I didn’t need to be sorry and that it was reassuring to her that she was still desirable. So I continued to squeeze their boobs as they walked past me, all 3 of the girls. After they’ve passed, I jerked off with that hand and resumed defending my position.

 

“What the fuck did I just read?” is probably what most of you are thinking. Look, it was a dream and certain things don’t always make sense. What was the point of this? Just the fact that even in my dreams, I was happy enough with masturbation that sex wasn’t necessary. I’m not saying sex is bad. If you have a stable partner to do it with, go and have all the fun you want; why the heck are you even reading this crap? I’m just annoyed at people who make it their life’s work to chase pussy down. In the dream, I even made a speech that the girls should make it their top priority not to have vaginal intercourse with the guys. They can fool around all they want, but getting pregnant would be a major inconvenience when we’re under attack and need to escape. If they don’t mind getting left behind, then go and have sex. As a person lacking a desire to live, I can understand the notion of not minding getting left behind, but I just felt like I needed to warn them about what they would be getting themselves into.

 

Okay, I should stop talking about this stupid dream now. Ultimately, I find that I have a less vaginal-sexual desire than most men. Sure I’ve got hormones but there are much more efficient ways to deal with them. As a person with more control of himself, it’s sad to see other people run around on their chases. But am I any better? Probably not. I’m probably far worse off. I am controlling my sexual desires as much as I control my desire to live comfortably and my desire to live altogether. Most people would look at my apathetic ways and I’d be the pathetic looking one. I’m just going in circles now… The only conclusion out of all this is that I don’t like people and I have weird-ass dreams.

 

Nothing Learned

Fuck… I just woke up at 4am from a weird dream. Last night, in real life, my mom was being her usual kind-of-bitchy self and then in my dream, she hit her head and became dumber and slower. You can actually see her take a couple seconds to think and process every time she enters a room. In real life, she’s loud and dumb but in the dream, she became quiet after she hit her head and I actually felt really bad for her and gave her a hug. Then I woke up and my throat burns. I think I threw up a little during my sleep, that’s the kind of burn it feels like. When writing this, it almost a sounds like I threw up at the thought of caring for my mom.

I took a moment and thought about whether I should feel bad for the normal way I crappily treat my mom and decided that I have no need to change my behaviour because there’s no other way to react to her current bitchiness. At least now I know that I will actually care for my mom and my life will improve if she hits her head and becomes stupider.

…I don’t have time to finish this short blog before she just walked down the stairs and bitched at me again. You know what she’s bitching about? The fact that I’m awake, even though I’m supposed to drive her to work… Doesn’t make sense? Welcome to my world. This momentous dream feels like it completely changed the cynical way I’ve been thinking of my mom, but it doesn’t change anything. Nothing learned. Nothing to learn…

Nightmare: Fat People, Sex

The title would’ve been a lot more offensive without the comma. It’s still offensive now, just a little less. I’m sure the comma is invisible for people who are offended though. Well, I just woke up at 5am to a nightmarish dream involving fat people and sex… This sounds terrible but I hope it at least intrigues you to read on and see what it’s about.

This dream wasn’t a full on nightmare. It was just a regular dream with a mild sense of fear, especially near the end when the fat people and sex came up. In this dream, I was in some hotel dating function where the women are seated at tables and the guys go around handing them a booklet introducing themselves and the women will respond if they’re interested. Being the introvert that I am, I just hid in the other room and didn’t participate even though I’m holding a booklet of myself. It would appear I was being shy but I had the same sentiment in the dream as I do in real life: Interacting with people is such a hassle, especially in dating/relationship. I say this as a virgin, basically saying that sex isn’t worth the trouble.

Some time passed and all the attractive women have left already, presumably with some guy. In this dream, the women’s role is to be bitchy and selective about their options which I think kind of says something about how I view women and dating. There were only a handful of women left and they were all fat and ugly. Guess what? There’s no such thing as “big beautiful women.” It’s an oxymoron. Just kidding, I just wanted to be offensive since I’ve already defined myself as an offensive writer. I know that ugly and fat aren’t synonymous but then again, let’s be real: there is a big overlap.

The remaining women each had huge piles of booklets of presumably even less attractive men. The women frustratingly scan through the booklets but can’t bring themselves to accept any of them. Now, I won’t go as far as to brag about being attractive since statistically, being a virgin doesn’t help prove my point. But I’m above average or at least average. In the context of the dream, I was by far the most attractive person remaining from both genders. I wasn’t interested in that whole dating function though especially when all the attractive girls are taken. I was kind of trying to wait it out in the other room but then I wondered wtf I was wasting my time there for and decided that I should leave. However, that required me to walk across the room with the remaining women and I retardedly didn’t think about that and waltzed into the room. (I wonder if the euphemism “remaining women” is any less offensive or not lol.)

As soon as I walked into the room, one particular fatty spotted me and confidently walked up to me and said “Let’s go.” This woman is someone I know and have been friendly with so we weren’t total strangers. The “Let’s go” implied that we were getting a room and having sex. She’s easily the most attractive amongst the remaining women but she’s still a remaining woman. I had previously thought of her as mildly attractive but as soon as sex was consolidated, I was loomed with fear. I was frantically trying to think of a legit and inoffensive excuse not to follow through but I couldn’t come up with anything. Being the socially awkward person that I am, in response to “Let’s go”, I paused and stared into space for a moment and almost said “I can’t think of an excuse not to…” Ironically, I was smart enough in the dream not to say that but in real life, I probably would’ve said it. I also felt pressure for having to socialize because I’m normally just a boring mute but when someone’s hanging out with me specifically, I feel the need to entertain even though I don’t want to. I was going through my recent jokes in my head and the only one that came to mind was the one about fat people dying before they get old. But I wasn’t going to say that to her and I realized that I feel uncomfortable mentioning the word “fat” around fat people.

Anyway, the dream kind of teeters off from there and nothing else really happens. Or maybe I’m just trying to hide the fact that I had sex with a fatty in a dream. You can decide. Although I would be doing a terrible job of hiding it if that was the truth. I don’t think this story turned out as interesting as it was in my head but it’s written so I’ll just post it. I also just remember having a full on nightmare right before this “sex” dream. I won’t describe that dream but basically it’s about a sociopathic murderer breaking into my house and I’m trying to defend the house. What the fuck is wrong with my brain…