My Life’s Paradoxes Part IV

This entry is a bit different than the rest. I just want to write some crap right now and not worry about how it comes out. No planning. Just gonna write whatever’s on my mind and I’m just going to assume my raw thoughts are interesting enough to be read. Oh wait, that doesn’t sound any different than what I normally do.

Sometimes, I’m so smart and think of so many possibilities that I act upon one of the non-obvious ones and it ends up making me look stupid where I wouldn’t look stupid if I just did the obvious thing. A quick example would be seeing a gap in a closed doorway and assuming that the door isn’t fully closed so I don’t need to turn the door knob, but it turns out I still needed to turn the knob and I walk straight into a closed door like a dumbass. If I just turned the fuckin door knob regardless of the gap, the obvious approach, I wouldn’t have looked stupid. Maybe I’m not a smart person who looks stupid. Maybe I’m just a total dumbass who dumbassedly thinks he’s smart even though he’s not.

In the past, I’ve frequently written about my virginity and my (arguably confused) sexuality. Even though I’m always horny, I think sex is pretty gross. When I watch porn, I’m only interested in softcore lesbian porn. But that’s too specific so I usually just watch normal lesbian porn and enjoy the softcore bits and get grossed out by the actual sexual parts. I don’t think I would enjoy sex but I’m jealous that other people gets action. I’m basically just a dick who wants everyone else to be as miserable as I am I guess.

A lot of people work 9-5 jobs, but I work a 5-9 job. Really, it’s true. I work part time from 5pm to 9pm. I’m not trying to be funny. Actually, I am trying to be funny but I don’t want to admit that because I know it’s not funny. That was just a stupid non joke.

A lot of people seek their parents’ approval and working part time at a minimum wage job at 22 is quite a disappointment. But that doesn’t bother me because I don’t seek my parents’ approval at all. In fact, I think I crave their disappointment. Because I dislike and disrespect them so much, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of having raised a person who leads a successful life. Maybe I’m only being a miserable and depressed piece of shit out of spite towards my parents.

With all the crap I write about my parents, I will go on record and say that they’re not bad people, they’re just bad parents. …Whether a person is good or bad pretty much depends on the result of their action and they produce shit results, just look at me. I guess they are bad people, but they don’t have bad intentions. Intentions don’t really matter if they consistently yield bad results though. Actually, I don’t know my parents enough to really know their intentions so maybe they are bad people after all.

I honestly believe my parents are total dumbasses who might be borderline retarded. Maybe not even borderline. Although I’d like to think I’m smart, considering my lack of accomplishments and that I’m raised by two retards, I’m probably retarded too. And if that’s the case, you just read an entire article that some retard wrote on a whim so I don’t even know what that makes you, you retard lover. Oh I just answered my own question. And if you hate me, then you’re a retard hater and know that that makes you a bad person. Mwahaha, I just antagonized everyone. …all the 10 people who reads this.

… I don’t think I should end like this… I gotta fix this. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I’m not retarded so you’re not a retard lover. Or even if I am retarded, you don’t love me so you’re still not a retard lover. Whatever the case, you’re not a retard lover. No one is. Retard lovers don’t exist. Who could love a retard? Yup, everything’s fixed. I retracted my insult while simultaneously writing something insensitive, ignorant, and dickish. Perfect.

My Dumbassery Part II

I’m a glasses wearing, math doing, blog writing, asian man. I normally don’t react much and maintain a cool composure. That’s why unexpected encounters with insects annoy me. It’s hard to keep cool when I fend myself from bugs. The worst of these was probably one time when a fly landed on my glasses and I instinctively tried to slap it away, which led to me slapping myself in the face, knocking my glasses off, and breaking them…

I also tend to say stupid things and cringe when I look back on the things I’ve said. Just recently, I told a stranger that I’d rather be mean and weird than nice and boring. I don’t know if the message is clear, but it wasn’t the best choice of words. However, life’s too short to be changing things all the time so I just force myself to assume the stances I’ve once taken. Few things actually matter anyway so I might as well save my time and effort. I beseech you all heed this advice given to you by a brilliant man who slapped himself and broke his glasses.

My Dumbassery Part I

Let me start off with a bad joke. I’m a really cheap person so I try to get 50% off everything. If someone asks me to give them my 2 cents, I’ll bargain to give 1 cent. …I’m not proud of that joke at all. Those who might enjoy it, enjoy. Those who find it lame, I agree with you. I guess it befits the title that I’m presenting a joke I don’t even like.

Anyway, I went to a computer store yesterday to buy a new hard drive. I filled up my 2tb with porn already so I need a new one. Just kidding, only 120gb of it is porn. I picked out a 3tb hard drive for $140 and lined up to pay. I only had around $80 cash so I was going to use my credit card. But then the machine asked me for a pin and I didn’t know I had a fuckin’ pin. It never asked me for a pin before so I don’t know it and I couldn’t pay. The cashier had already printed out the receipt and bagged it and everything. There was nothing I could do, I simply didn’t have enough money. I wonder how often this happens. I wonder how many dumbasses tries to buy something without enough money. Here’s a Louis CK joke that’s very related to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HmoVxU38gE