Due to (singular) demand, I shall write the shit stories I have queued up in my head. Let me start with a disgusting little enigma I can’t quite figure out. When the seat is down, you know how there’s a gap between the rim and the seat? I wonder if there’s a word to describe that specific location. Anyway, when I have diarrhea, which is often, there is always somehow a shit splash under the seat in that gap I just described. When I wipe, my ass cheek is pretty clean but I don’t know how it always splashes so far to the sides like that. I’m not talking about fart diarrhea grenades here. Regular diarrhea still finds its way to that gap.
I guess I’m calling that area “the gap”. This gives a whole new meaning to people who wear shirts from the gap. The next story is a puberty classic about that gap. When I took shits as a child, I just sat down and did it. There was no need to worry about aiming because everything’s already pointing inside the bowl. But then puberty came and erections became more commonplace. When a guy sits down on a toilet with a full erection, he will clearly recognize that he needs to redirect his penis with all his might if he’s going to pee because he doesn’t want to pee in his own face. Then there are time when a guy will sport a semi and the penis seems like it’s in the bowl. But if he makes the mistake of peeing, there’s a specific angle that he’ll end up peeing right into the gap and urine will rapidly leak out of the toilet and he will panic while trying to stop urinating. That has happened to me exactly 5 times before I learned my lesson to always use one hand to point my dick down if I want to pee while sitting down.
This last story will be a description of when I told it to my friends the other night. Apparently, I tell shit stories during social gatherings. One of my friends threw in a non sequitur, asking if we know what a “shart” is, and then proudly revealing that it’s a shit and a fart. That sprung a shit story to mind and I decided to tell it. You know how sometimes you might think you have a fart and you take a gamble and lose? Well, one time, I did that but as soon as the fart didn’t seem right, I stopped it immediately. I rushed to the washroom to evaluate the situation. I wiped my ass and there was indeed shit. But there was no trace of shit in my underwear. It was one of my proudest moments in life to know that I was able to stop the shart before it was too late.