Random Oversaturation And Fat Hooker Epilogue

It’s hard to title these entries because I talk about so many random topics by design. I also don’t like including the word “random” in the title all the time either. I think 80% of my entries start off with me commenting on the title. And probably 5% of my entries has me commenting on the fact that I comment on the title… I don’t know if I dislike these or not…

 

I’m writing yet another random word entry. Hopefully I’m not giving people too much crap to read. I’d like to think of it as being prolific, haha. I have a tendency to do something to death when I get positive feedback. Anyone who knows me probably sees that in other things I do. After finding out someone actually read my last entry, I feel motivated enough to write more. Technically speaking, nobody said they liked it but I’m just going to make that big fat assumption. I don’t trust the “like” button. It’s used for too many things other than its intended purpose. Some people might click “like” just so the person gets an email notification that links to their own blog. It can be used as a tool of advertising without actually having read the entry. I’ve been guilty of that myself. Surprisingly, I think most people who likes my stuff actually reads it. Maybe I’m the only dick who haphazardly clicks “like” and I’m projecting it onto other people. The other way I use the “like” button is just to let the person know I read it and didn’t hate it. It’s more of an “acknowledgement” button.

 

Hmm… I don’t think I even need to resort to the random word generator for this entry. There’s enough substance already. I already looked up 5 words though so I’ll probably keep writing after I post this. For now, I’ll write about the epilogue to my fat hooker story. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it before. If you’re unfamiliar with the fat hooker story, you can search “fat hooker” on the right. Lower Than The Lowest Lows is the written entry on that. I also apparently recorded a couple podcasts on it too so it’s probably a fuller explanation if you consume all of that. I’m a little scared to revisit my podcast because I might discover how stupid I was. I don’t know if those are worth listening to or not, but it’s there if you want to hear them. I’ll listen to my podcast one day but today’s not that day yet.

 

A short version of the fat hooker story is that I was pathetically lonely at the time and the fat hooker was the only person responding on craigslist that night so I decided to try to take that relationship as far as I could. After visiting her (without having sex) and learning of her situation (she recently left home and is prostituting herself to make money to pay for the motel she was staying at), I tried to offer her to stay at my place to help her get back on her feet. It gets complicated because I live with my parents but it luckily never got that far. My offer piqued her interest but she was rightfully cautious about it and I was very fortunate that that was the case because it meant that I didn’t get into a mess that I was diving head first into.

 

…I just spent the last 10 minutes consulting the emails so I can write about this part without smudging with the facts. It was a pretty interesting read, lol. I should post that someday or read it on a podcast. It’s pretty long so I’ll just sum it up for this entry. Basically we had a falling out over email before I even met her a second time. That was probably one of the luckiest things to ever happen to me. Let’s just call it a clash of personalities. Interestingly, people seem to resort to name calling at this point but I am able to remain calm and rational and end the interaction with a few concluding statements without turning it into a big fight. I do that by taking the blame and apologizing and saying we’re probably better off not interacting anymore. I guess I’m just the bigger man. I wanted to write a joke about that, perhaps by contrasting it to myself being a tiny Asian man. I don’t love that premise because I don’t want to call myself a tiny Asian man. I got tired to trying to finish that joke and I think it might even be better if I didn’t bring it up but I’m just going to leave that incomplete thought there.

 

Here’s where the epilogue begins. A month later, she emailed me apologizing for her rudeness in the last email. By this time, I was no longer invested in the situation but I still exchanged a few friendly emails with her out of politeness. Apparently she had become homeless and started living in a shelter. There were about 20 emails back and forth. Neither of us made any mention of my previous offer for her to stay at my place but I got the sense that that’s what she was after. If she had asked about it, it would’ve been tough to respond to. I guess I dodged another bullet there. The story pretty much just ends here but I think this might be very unsatisfying to read. I guess I should include a few of my thoughts and analysis of the situation.

 

I only met her once but we had agreed on meeting more and becoming friends. We never did meet a second time. Every time the second meeting was being planned, she asked to borrow money. Money was involved in the first meeting too but I just considered it a charity and an investment in potential friendship (giving her the benefit of the doubt). I don’t know how truly crafty she was being or if there was a part of her that really would’ve wanted to be friends but she fucked it up by continually asking for money without putting in enough effort into the friendship first. I still believe there’s a slight possibility that she really did only need to borrow the money but it had become a bad investment for me for a friendship that hasn’t happened yet.

 

…I was going to write some thoughts on the epilogue too but I can’t seem to concisely put my thoughts into words so I’m just going to end this entry here. Perhaps there will be an epilogue to this epilogue someday.

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SFT Podcast Episode 40 – My Big Fat Hooker Experience

Okay I need to warn you that half way through the podcast, it turns to shit. I kinda lost interest in telling the stories and it was just shit on shit. You’ll see what I mean when you get there. I just felt that I needed to warn you.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0040-My_Big_Fat_Hooker_Experience.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/LB7P16Z_xc4

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Lower Than The Lowest Lows

The title’s pretty stupid. It doesn’t really make sense. I seem to have lost my ability and interest to write anything decent. I’m constantly reaching new lows in life. I’m definitely lower than I’ve ever been before and sadly, it’s probably still going to keep getting lower. The first low point I’ve ever reached was when I tried out online dating. Online dating doesn’t have nearly as much stigma as it used to, but the moment I decided to try it was still a depressing one. I was admitting that I couldn’t find a girl in real life. The moment a person decides to try online dating doesn’t need to be a depressing one, but it is often depressing and it was depressing for me. Failing at online dating makes it even worse.

The next low point was when I decided to try to find a girlfriend off craigslist. Finding a hooker would be fine, that’s just business. But girlfriend? That’s getting a little desperate. Failing at that makes things worse as well. Over the past couple years, I repeatedly tried it over and over again even though I rarely even get a response, let alone someone who’s interested. There are a lot of spam bots out there pretending that they’re girls worried about their safety and telling you to go to a certain site to pay $1 for a background check so that they know you’re safe. Luckily, I haven’t fallen for those. That definitely would’ve been a new low. But I did spend more time replying to those pre-written bot emails than I did with real girls – still a new low.

Then I went through several years of getting progressively more depressed, losing interest in movies, games, food, life. Naturally, it doesn’t take long to lose motivation to work when nothing’s enjoyable anymore. I can’t pinpoint specific events to these, but new lows were definitely being made. Finally, my latest new low is a sequel to the hooker story I wrote about in the last post. Seeing a hooker isn’t lowly. Developing feelings for a hooker is pretty bad. Developing feelings for a fat ugly hooker? Well that’s just retarded. That’s where I’m at…

After writing the last post, I decided to email the hooker and I went to see her that night. I just wanted some boob play and cuddling and someone to talk to. Okay, that sounds really lame. It was. It is. Let me redeem myself a little. I’m not desperate to talk to just anyone. I want someone to talk to regularly and frequently. Why I thought a hooker could fill that void was just plain stupid. There’s no redeeming that part. When I finally saw her, she was fat. I thought she was gonna be maybe a little overweight but nope, she was fat. I’m not attracted to fat. I’m not being super mean here and trying to make girls worry about their bodies. This girl clearly didn’t worry about it at all. Skinny isn’t attractive either. Lazy isn’t attractive as well. If a girl looks like she’s active, then she’ll look great. When I’m not ridden by depression, I’m a very active person with endless amounts of energy. I could be sporting and exercising all day and I’ll still have energy to do more that night and the next day and the next day. Naturally, I would be attracted to active people too. I’m not picky at all. Easily over 70% of girls are attractive to me. As long as you don’t like look you’ll die from walking up a flight of stairs, you look great. If you look like a bean bag chair, you probably don’t look great.

Anyway, I chatted with the hooker and I tried to befriend her. I learned all about her current situation and we decided we’d meet again as friends. I couldn’t sleep that night. I’m not really sure why, but then I eventually thought of a scenario where I could invite her to live in my house so she can sort out her life. Yes, it sounds really stupid when written. It’s not as stupid if you know the exact details I have planned, but it’s still pretty stupid. If she were a hot attractive girl, my stupidity would be understandable at least. But now it’s just pure stupidity with no excuse.

Before I make the final stupid decision, I would need to talk to her thoroughly and ask her a lot of questions to find any reason not to do it. It didn’t take me long at all to catch her not living up to my fantasy but it was still irrefutably stupid that I considered it so seriously. At least I dodged that bullet I guess. I have no idea what stupid shit I’ll do next. If it doesn’t cost me my life, I’ll probably be blogging about it. I might record a podcast tomorrow with more details on the hooker story.

Selfies…

I don’t always take selfies, but when I do, well, I do an okay job I guess. I’m gonna crop one of these and use it as my new avatar. …Oh, I just thought of a way to end that first sentence: I don’t always take selfies, but when I do, I blog about it! Anyway, time for me to criticize the shit out of my selfies. Feel free to join in.

image (1) image

– Freaking purple ipad case.

– Freaking balloons.

– There’s a weird round pink puffy doll in the background. I’m in a house of 3 girl cousins…

– Flipped flip-flops!

– Lots of prescription drugs in the background…

– Aaaannnd of course, there’s me, being my overweight self. I think I’m a pretty skinny looking for an overweight guy. But then I think my sense of fat people is skewed ever since I became fat. Trust me, I’m fat. I know I don’t have body dysmorphia. I know exactly what I’m talking about. At my fittest and strongest, I weighed in at 145 lbs and I could still trim down. At that point, I was bench-pressing 245 lbs. As a point of reference, mediocrely fit people bench-press their own weight. I just weighed myself at the hospital today for fun after not weighing myself for years and I currently weigh 183 lbs. That’s freaking at least 40 lbs of pure fat over my ideal weight! I just need some motivation and a girl to want to fuck me and I’ll get back into awesome shape. It may seem like backwards logic because why would girls want to fuck me when I’m fat and shitty? Well, girls didn’t want to fuck me when I was fit either. Maybe they did want to fuck me but I was never told and I’m too socially stupid to know otherwise.

Fact on Fat Action

I was just lying in bed, mulling over how shitty life is and I remembered a random shitty moment from the past. One day, during recess when I was in grade 5, a girl walked up to me and asked if I’ve seen her friend, let’s call the friend Elaine. I have to make up a name for the friend because I didn’t bother to learn the name of this person who doesn’t affect my life. I wasn’t 100% sure who Elaine was, and I asked if it was her fat friend. It was, but I hadn’t seen her so that was the end of that.

After recess was over, the teacher called me over to make me apologize for calling the girl fat. That was stupid. I only used “fat” as an accurate descriptor to clarify a question I was asked. There was no contempt involved. I wasn’t prancing around asking if she lost her fat friend. There was no other way to describe her anyway. What, you mean the Elaine who’s not in my class who I’ve never talked to and isn’t skinny? Fuck that, she’s fat.

Survival of the What?

With the advent of technology and human intelligence, one can be very unfit and still survive pretty easily. It’s almost baffling that money is the biggest determinant of fitness. With a little eye surgery, plastic surgery, and oral surgery, you can have the most hideous genes and still be the most attractive person. Money is powerful, but yet, it’s just a volatile concept we’re all playing along with. In times of crises, money is worth absolutely nothing. I think first world countries have been relaxed for too long and we need a couple disasters to help clean our gene pool.

I go to the beach so I don't even have a pool for you to clean.

I go to the beach so I don’t even have a pool for you to clean.

Basically, anyone is fit to survive. So I started thinking about what kind of people would be the fittest in this crazy world we live in. If we’re talking about spreading seeds to carry on one’s genes, the fittest people are kind of the most horrible people. If a guy can get multiple girls to fall in love with him in addition to regularly having casual sex with strangers, he could potentially create a lot of offspring. This kind of guy might also be known as a sleazy cheating bastard. A stealthy rapist might also achieve comparable results.

This eye-wear makes me so stealthy that she doesn't even know I'm right beside her.

This eye-wear makes me so stealthy that she doesn’t even know I’m right beside her.

Let’s take a look at the surviving side of things. Smart and creative people tend to be more prone to depression and suicide which is completely unfit for surviving. Ambitious, corporate ladder climbing people, just like anyone else, could pretty much lose their job at any moment and those people have a much harder time accepting these harsh hypothetical realities. The fat corporate cats who nepotized their way into wealth are usually fat so they’ll be dying from bodily dysfunctions young enough. The other benefactors of nepotism would have spent too much time on their bodies and not enough time on their brains. There are too few “perfect” people who has the brains, body, and wealth so I will be ignoring that demographic when searching for this “fittest” person of the modern age.

Don't forget about women. We have plenty of steady job options. Like cooking. That IS why you hired us, yes?

Don’t forget about women. We have plenty of steady job options. Like cooking. That IS why you hired us, yes?

So what kind of lay men are the fittest? He can’t be too smart or creative. The dumber the better so he doesn’t need to think any unnecessary thoughts. He would have no ambition and be willing to take all kinds of shits from his boss. He would do labour jobs because there’s always an abundance of those and it’ll also keep him in good physical shape at the same time. It would seem that boring unambitious dumb sheep are the fittest people to survive in this day and age. Great job, humans.

This was the other picture I was going to use for "stealthy" but now she'll be disapproving humanity.

This was the other picture I was going to use for “stealthy” but now she’ll be disapproving humanity.

Nightmare: Fat People, Sex

The title would’ve been a lot more offensive without the comma. It’s still offensive now, just a little less. I’m sure the comma is invisible for people who are offended though. Well, I just woke up at 5am to a nightmarish dream involving fat people and sex… This sounds terrible but I hope it at least intrigues you to read on and see what it’s about.

This dream wasn’t a full on nightmare. It was just a regular dream with a mild sense of fear, especially near the end when the fat people and sex came up. In this dream, I was in some hotel dating function where the women are seated at tables and the guys go around handing them a booklet introducing themselves and the women will respond if they’re interested. Being the introvert that I am, I just hid in the other room and didn’t participate even though I’m holding a booklet of myself. It would appear I was being shy but I had the same sentiment in the dream as I do in real life: Interacting with people is such a hassle, especially in dating/relationship. I say this as a virgin, basically saying that sex isn’t worth the trouble.

Some time passed and all the attractive women have left already, presumably with some guy. In this dream, the women’s role is to be bitchy and selective about their options which I think kind of says something about how I view women and dating. There were only a handful of women left and they were all fat and ugly. Guess what? There’s no such thing as “big beautiful women.” It’s an oxymoron. Just kidding, I just wanted to be offensive since I’ve already defined myself as an offensive writer. I know that ugly and fat aren’t synonymous but then again, let’s be real: there is a big overlap.

The remaining women each had huge piles of booklets of presumably even less attractive men. The women frustratingly scan through the booklets but can’t bring themselves to accept any of them. Now, I won’t go as far as to brag about being attractive since statistically, being a virgin doesn’t help prove my point. But I’m above average or at least average. In the context of the dream, I was by far the most attractive person remaining from both genders. I wasn’t interested in that whole dating function though especially when all the attractive girls are taken. I was kind of trying to wait it out in the other room but then I wondered wtf I was wasting my time there for and decided that I should leave. However, that required me to walk across the room with the remaining women and I retardedly didn’t think about that and waltzed into the room. (I wonder if the euphemism “remaining women” is any less offensive or not lol.)

As soon as I walked into the room, one particular fatty spotted me and confidently walked up to me and said “Let’s go.” This woman is someone I know and have been friendly with so we weren’t total strangers. The “Let’s go” implied that we were getting a room and having sex. She’s easily the most attractive amongst the remaining women but she’s still a remaining woman. I had previously thought of her as mildly attractive but as soon as sex was consolidated, I was loomed with fear. I was frantically trying to think of a legit and inoffensive excuse not to follow through but I couldn’t come up with anything. Being the socially awkward person that I am, in response to “Let’s go”, I paused and stared into space for a moment and almost said “I can’t think of an excuse not to…” Ironically, I was smart enough in the dream not to say that but in real life, I probably would’ve said it. I also felt pressure for having to socialize because I’m normally just a boring mute but when someone’s hanging out with me specifically, I feel the need to entertain even though I don’t want to. I was going through my recent jokes in my head and the only one that came to mind was the one about fat people dying before they get old. But I wasn’t going to say that to her and I realized that I feel uncomfortable mentioning the word “fat” around fat people.

Anyway, the dream kind of teeters off from there and nothing else really happens. Or maybe I’m just trying to hide the fact that I had sex with a fatty in a dream. You can decide. Although I would be doing a terrible job of hiding it if that was the truth. I don’t think this story turned out as interesting as it was in my head but it’s written so I’ll just post it. I also just remember having a full on nightmare right before this “sex” dream. I won’t describe that dream but basically it’s about a sociopathic murderer breaking into my house and I’m trying to defend the house. What the fuck is wrong with my brain…