Learning People’s Tempers (Comment Greatly Appreciated)

I really want some feedback on this. I have a theory but it’s quite a condescending one so assuming I might be in the wrong, I really want to know why so I can learn from it.

 

So I was talking to this girl and we actually kicked it off pretty well. Turns out we live on the same street and knew a lot of the same people growing up so it felt like there’s a history or connection or something even though we only barely knew of the people in common so the history doesn’t actually play any particularly big role in all this.

 

I chatted with her for a couple days and all seemed well at first. I think it was about 3 days in when we had a phone chat. The phone chat was okay but not great. I asked about past relationships and she cried a bit while retelling the most recent tale. I tried to be nice and let her know that she didn’t have to talk about it if it’s hard but she carried on and finished her story. There was talk about sex – about our history with sex. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned my experience with prostitution but I did because I’m honest to a dumbass fault. It seemed to have stained her impression of me as dating material, but I don’t think there was anything negative as a human being during that conversation.

 

Since then, she seemed less interested in the conversations, understandably so. But she would still start a conversation every so often. She was working away from home and only came home on the weekends. She’s really busy which made meeting a little hard. After 2 weeks, we finally met up for a walk and talk yesterday.

 

By this point, I feel like she all but lost interest already. I would often ask questions that gets completely ignored. I chalked it up as her being busy since she really was busy. She would respond and at least courteously inform me she’s busy, but there are chunks of conversations she seems to completely ignore.

 

The walk was okay, again, not great. And from the follow up conversation, it seemed like that’s pretty much it and she’s not interested.

 

Early on, I had already casually opened up the discussion of whether or not we see each other as dating material. She wanted it to just be casual at first, maybe at a friend level or something, and I was fine with that. I brought that up to mention that I’ve opened up the conversation. So today, she informs me that I’m probably not dating material for her and that we could still be friends and whatnot. You know, the same old lines. She ended by saying I could always talk to her if I want someone to talk to.

 

I will start quoting the conversation at this point. I tried to sum up everything up until now but the wording from this point might begin to matter.

 

Her: anyway. yea. if you ever just wanna chat or anything, I’m always around 🙂

 

Me: sure, but you’re also always super busy so…
lol

 

Her: lol one thing about me. my family and friends I put above all in my life.

even if I’m busy. I try to make time.

 

Me: And apparently I’m not family nor friend so that leaves me with nothing. I’ve always shown that I always want to talk but, especially the last few times, you’ve been a lot less respondent.

I don’t know if you say the “if you want to talk” thing just purely as a polite thing or if you mean it. I know I’ve been guilty of saying it and thinking I mean it but looking back and analyzing it closely, not really.

 

Her: lol. well that is truly your loss then. your small talk isn’t exactly the easiest to follow…and not to mention I am studying for exams and working.

sometimes its hard to follow.

but to be honest, if this is how you make everyone feel, I now see why it is hard to keep longterm friendships

so I’m sorry ted. maybe you’re right. even friendship isn’t an option because friends don’t say shit like that and they try to at least be understanding of a situation

and you’re right I have no obligation to you. I did it because I was genuinely trying to be nice and get to know you

and whatever I do know about you tells me you’re not my kind of person.

 

I tried to keep this as unbiased as possible without over telling my side of the story.

 

Sure, that last thing i said wasn’t the greatest but I felt like she jumped in and became way too angry and defensive and offensive. There was no point in advancing the conversation with her any further so I just apologized for being passive aggressive and left it at that.

 

My question to you is: was my response really that bad? If anyone’s interested, I’ll happily provide more background info. I wanted to keep this first post a little shorter.

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Drinking Hot Sauce

I’m basically just trying to pass time these days. I’m supposed to have some interviews next week and I’m just going to ride that out. If I were a harder working person, I’d be trying to do something productive in the meantime but I’m just going to keep waiting because I don’t feel like working very hard at the moment.

 

Last night, I went out with Justin and a bunch of his friends. Not sure if anyone remembers Justin, I’ve mentioned him in previous blog entries and podcasts and stuff. Not really important who he is though, you only need to know that he’s a good friend. I’m not sure if I simply never noticed it in my first couple years being his friend, but the past couple years he’s been horrible at making plans and cancels them a lot. It’s at a point right now that if I have plans with Justin, I cannot tell my parents about it until the moment I leave the house. That’s also because I have shitty parents. If I end up not going out after telling them about it, my mom would keep asking stupid questions over and over again, and asking it as if I was the rude person cancelling the plans. My dad, on the other hand, would just laugh at my face for being cancelled on.

 

The plan is to go to a casino but we went to Jack Astor’s before that. When we were half way through eating, one of the friends randomly offered to pay a dollar to Justin if he drank the hot dipping sauce. It was just a random dare, no one was particular into it, hence the small wager. As a cheap person willing to be reckless with my life, the offer piqued my interest and I told them I’d do it for $3. We asked around the table to see who else wants to pitch in a dollar. I knew the whole thing wasn’t particularly interesting so I didn’t force anyone who wasn’t interested. We got it up to $5 so I did it. I drank it like a shot and it actually actually pretty easy. I feel bad for them because I wasn’t more of an entertainment. It didn’t taste good and most people would probably make a disgusted face as they swallow it and that’s what the money’s for but I didn’t make any faces. I almost felt like I ripped them off but I didn’t feel bad about it since it wasn’t even enough money to pay my share of the bill.

 

That’s pretty much it. I guess now I know I can drink hot sauce for practically no money. We went to a casino after and everyone lost money. Justin and some of the others have had really good winnings at the casino before but not last night. I didn’t play because I get turned off by the house edge, understanding probability and that the casino will always win in the end. I don’t gamble, but apparently I have no problem gambling my health with the hot sauce. It’s pretty mild but I can still feel it a little in my chest and ass right now.

Going Out: To Be A Dick or An Ass

As a person living with his parents, it’s only courteous for me to let my parents know whenever I go out, and I’m fine with that. As a very flexible person who can let go of little things, my friends can make, change, or cancel plans up until the last minute and I don’t really mind it. But when you combine these things together along with my parents’ inherent craziness, I always have to wind up being a dick or an ass.

Did someone say ass? Come check out MY ass. me, Me, ME!

Did someone say ass? Come check out MY ass. me, Me, ME!

If I tell my parents I was supposed to go out that night and then it gets cancelled and I don’t end up going out, they make me feel like an ass. My dad’s basically an asshole and would just outright laugh at my face for having friends who bailed out on me. My mom would ask retarded questions and try to drag out the unpleasantness for as long as possible. She wouldn’t be retarded if that was her goal, but it’s not. After telling her the plans are cancelled, she would go on and on: “I thought you were supposed to go out?” “Didn’t you say you were going out at 7? It’s 7 now.” “Oh you’re not going out anymore? How come?” “Really? Your friends cancelled? Why?” You get the idea. There have been many times where a plan got cancelled and I just leave the house and do nothing for a few hours because that’s easier than explaining the cancellation to my parents.

Going out and doing nothing... kind of like this except I'm not a sexy girl at the beach. Okay, maybe it's nothing like this.

Going out and doing nothing… kind of like this except I’m not a sexy girl at the beach. Okay, maybe it’s nothing like this.

In order to avoid being an ass, I’m forced to be a dick. I can’t really control my friends cancelling the plans so that leaves me with one other option, to tell my parents about the plans the moment I leave the house. This makes me a dick because going out usually means going out for dinner and telling my parents last minute would mean they made dinner for me that I’m not going to eat. So I have to choose whether I want to be an ass 90% of the time (apparently I only trust my friends 10%) or be a dick 100% of the time. Because I don’t go out much and I’m a selfish ungrateful child, I choose to be a dick.

So many asses...

So many asses…

Oh and I just realized all this “going out” and “dick” and “ass” talk might sound like euphemisms for gay talk. It’s not. I swear, it’s not. Oh dammit, why did I even put that idea in your minds?…

Oh come on, Ted. Why are you being so homophobic when you love us lesbians so much?

Oh come on, Ted. Why are you being so homophobic when you love us lesbians so much?

My Dad Vs. Normal Part II

I joke that I’m socially retarded but I’m just too lazy to follow social norms. My dad, however, is truly a socially retarded person. He literally has no friends and has no intentions of making any. I know a lot of people who might think their parents have no friends but they just don’t have close friends who keep in touch. My dad actively avoids calls from casual acquaintances of the past. Maybe he has some kind of twisted fear of phones. He would often tell my mom to call people for him, like making appointments with doctors or setting up a dinner with relatives for the holidays. Yesterday, the optometrist called during the day and asked me to tell my dad to call them to confirm his appointment tomorrow. Normally, doctors just tell me to remind the patient but this one really wanted a call back.

I had written this message on a note and left it on the table for him. There was also another call yesterday for my mom and I wrote the message on the same note. My mom read it and told my dad but he just ignored her (normal behavior). Today, the optometrist called again. I didn’t answer it this time because the call woke me up and I didn’t want to bother taking the same message again. Moments ago, during dinner, my mom told my dad again and he continued to ignore her. I don’t know if I should add my say in it and suggest he calls as well. If I say something (, anything), he would either get pissed or make fun of me (even though there’s nothing to make fun of). So I never bother saying anything to them. Maybe I should say something (for his own good, and) so I could record it and transcribe for other people’s entertainment to read and hear about on the internet. If you want me to do it, you gotta comment tonight to tell me because tomorrow will be too late.