The Day I Got Circumcised

I don’t know how many people remembers the day they got circumcised as vividly as I do. It was kind of a nightmare to go through but I have to admit that certain things must’ve looked hilarious to people who aren’t me so I’ll write about it for your entertainment. At first, I was trying to think of a title that’s parodies “the day I lost my virginity” and make it about my dick instead. I think it would’ve been one of my horrible failed pun titles so be glad that I went with a straightforward one instead. And now, let the story of the unfolding of my foreskin unfold. (Dammit, I hate it when force stupid puns that don’t really work but I can’t stop doing it.)

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I wish I could smile like that and call myself silly with those puns but I actually harbor a lot of hate for myself for making them.

I don’t remember the exact age that I had my penis circumcised. I know it happened while I was in Hong Kong and I moved to Canada at 6 so it would’ve been one of those first 6 years. I think it was when I was 2 or 3 years old but I’m not too sure so it might also have been when I was 1 or 4 or 5. I only know that it’s not 0 or 6. I was a nice and obedient child so when my parents took me out that day, I didn’t ask stupid questions. Thinking back, I wonder why I never questioned any part of it at any point. I just went along with everything because I trusted my parents 100%. What a dumb kid I was. But then again, at 3 years old, I’m completely powerless anyway.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I'll just stare at my boobs all day.

I would also be completely powerless as a girl because I’ll just stare at my boobs all day.

I laid on the doctor’s table and followed his every instruction with a smile on my face. I just realized that I was actually a happy enthusiastic child but my parents wore me down over the years and now I’m a super cynical and depressed piece of shit. I don’t think any anesthesia was used for the procedure. Or maybe the doctor just snuck it in there without me knowing. He told me to count to 100 and I was proudly showing off my ability to do so. He may have told me to count odd or even numbers only because otherwise, I must’ve been retarded to be proud of being able to count. Actually, being proud to skip numbers is still pretty retarded.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

Almost as retarded as a girl fixing her hair while stretching in her underwear on a field. Almost.

I started off counting super fast and the doctor told me to slow down. I started over again and only got to around 40 when the doctor said he’s all done. At this point, I had no idea what procedure I just went through. I had to take off my pants and I knew he was working on my nether regions but I actually didn’t bother to think about what just happened. I was like a stupid little retard. I don’t know how much slack I should cut myself for being 3 at the time. We left the clinic and my parents called a cab. I literally jumped into the cab, just being the active happy child that I was. When I landed on the seat, I paused for a moment, realized that I felt immense pain, and started crying. The cab driver must’ve been like “wtf” but I don’t remember paying any attention to him at all because I was too busy crying like a little bitch who hurt his dick from sitting. My parents handed me the game boy and I started holding back my tears so I can play Super Mario Land.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

It was one of these old school 1st gen game boys.

Even at the time, I realized how stupid it was that I can be pleased so easily, but that didn’t stop me from getting pleased that easily. Because I was a stupid kid, I was only able to pass the first 2 levels so I just played those over and over again. I guess that’s the story of the day I got circumcised. I remember that for weeks after, I had to put empty toilet paper rolls around my dick like dogs with their cones. I also remembered that the first time peeing after the circumcision was painful and it made me cry and I was afraid of peeing for a little while.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

If she just had her dick circumcised, that pose would be so painful.

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