Shit Stories Part XIV: My First Shit Story

This might be the last shit story I write and it’s going to be about the first shit story I’ve ever told. I was in university with a bunch of people who were kind of my friends. We were friendly with each other and hung out mostly out of convenience. They would invite me out and I tried my best to go out with them to enjoy their company, and it was okay, but it wasn’t enough for me to pursue the friendship. Evidently, I wasn’t a great additional to their group either since they eventually stopped asking me out. I don’t think it was because I scared them away with my shit story. If I did scare them away, it would be from trying to sell them sanitary napkins, including the guys. It was that phase of my life. I wasn’t being a pushy or anything though. People just got uncomfortable when certain words are brought up regardless of context.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

The girls were as equally awkward as the guys when I talked about pads.

I don’t remember why I was telling this shit story. Maybe it was because someone was complimenting my awesome huge pectoral muscles back then and instead of saying “thanks”, I reward them with a shit story. That’ll make a little more sense once you hear this shit story but it still doesn’t justify why I would talk about shit instead of saying “thanks”.

Reward...

Reward…

I started off by saying I wasn’t sure if this story was too personal (for them. It’s not personal at all for the blog.). In my bathroom, there’s a mirror right next to the toilet. Sometimes, when I plan to shower after taking a shit, I would take off all my clothes before taking the shit because I was going to take them off for the shower anyway. In the nude, I would look at the mirror and see some belly fat and I hated it. It was this constant reminder that helped motivate me to work hard at sculpting an awesomer body.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don't have boobs.

But my body could never get as good as that because I don’t have boobs.

I ended the story the same way I started, by saying I wasn’t sure if it was too personal or weird and this one guy was overreacting and said, “Yes. Of course that was too personal.” Even though I basically got negative feedback, I liked that I was able to hold people’s attention by talking about unconventional things and evoke emotion in them. That wasn’t the moment I realized I wanted to write a blog about shit stories or anything, but it was definitely a moment early on that showed me this is the path I will be taking. It reminds me a lot of this clip of Louis CK honoring George Carlin. The whole video is worth watching but I linked you straight to the part where Louis talks about a joke that got a wild negative-ish reaction from the crowd but he would rather have that than shitty laughs.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.

I would rather a girl look at me in disappointment, disgust, or confusion than to not have a girl look at me at all.

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A Quick Guide to Fixing 3D Crosstalk / Ghosting

My blog’s all over the place. I should really pick a few topics to focus on but I’m a real word slut and really want people to see my words so I’ll write anything that needs writing. I was looking into this problem and didn’t find a solution on the first page of Google so I found my own solution and here’s to hoping this guide will make it to the first page of Google. By the time someone searches for a guide to fix this, they already know what 3D crosstalk and ghosting is but for those who don’t know, it’s when your 3D movie is making you see more than 1 image when it’s not supposed to.

The real solution is to buy a better TV without the problem. But for everyone else, you can practically eliminate it by reducing brightness and contrast levels on your display. Easy.

Now that I’ve fixed your problem, help me share my blog online and make me famous. Stop watching stupid 3D movies and read my dumb jokes instead, lol.

For people who don’t have 3D TVs, here’s a George Carlin joke for you so you didn’t just waste your time reading something completely irrelevant. Why George Carlin? Because he’s simply better than me. Anyway, the joke is:

“Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.”