Persistent Preoccupying Ponders

Here I go with the words again. The first one is preimport. … I don’t know what I’m doing with these words. I don’t really feel like blogging right now and I was going to just blaze through the 5 words, get snippy with them and just post a short little entry like that. But then I remember my post a couple hours ago about half-assing stuff and I don’t want to seem like a bullshitter so I’m going to try to suck it up and write a half decent entry on these words. Preimporting should be when one anticipates that something needs to be imported, and they import it ahead of time. This term can only be used relatively. When the guy is preimporting something, during the the act, he’s just importing. If you tell someone you’re preimporting something, it’s like you’re begging them to ask you what you’re preimporting it for. When I feel like a stranger wants me to ask them something, I sometimes make an effort not to ask it. Just now, I was trying to think about why I do that and I can’t think of a reason that doesn’t make me sound like a dick.

 

Next word is brackened. A bracken is a large fern so being brackened would be being covered with a large fern I guess? Ferns make me think of Between Two Ferns. In the definition, it says that a brake means fern but when I look up brake, I only get the definition we’re all familiar with – the car brakes. This confuses me. I’ve been confused all day. There’s this girl and I thought we were having a great time together but then she suddenly doesn’t want to see me at all and doesn’t give me a good reason for it. She doesn’t owe me a reason but I really have no idea what went wrong. At the end of the day, I guess if she doesn’t want to see me, there’s no point in trying to get a reason out of her. I’m going to do my best not to relate every word back to this but maybe that’s what’s going to happen. I don’t know yet.

 

Next word is incriminate. Incriminate, that reminds me of when I told the girl that… – just kidding, I’m not actually bringing it back to that. The first thing that comes to mind is Charlie Day’s character in Horrible Bosses. The character is a registered sex offender because he peed in a school yard while there were kids there. When I first met the girl, we watched Horrible Bosses 1 and Horrible Bosses 2 together so I guess every word is reminding me of her after all. I don’t think I should keep mentioning her. I think maybe one of the reasons she doesn’t want to see me is because I’m too obsessive. I sort of am, but sort of not. I’d like to think I’m obsessive in a good way, because I’m willing to give it my all. I don’t think I’m obsessive in the bad way because I don’t expect full reciprocation and I don’t get angry.

 

Anyway, moving on, the next word is deficiently. Well, how can I not relate that to all this girl talk? lol. Let me broaden it some more. I feel like I exist deficiently. I really don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I perform great and I feel like people have a great time with me but no one really feels like they need to see me again. Are they all just pretending to have a good time when I’m around? Am I really so unneeded by everyone? No matter what the explanation is, there seems to be something missing, something deficient. …I’m staring at the soda and snacks on my desk and it occurred to me that I’m probably pretty nutrient deficient too.

 

Last word is hayward. That’s an old term used to describe a man who was in charge of fences and enclosures. That word reminds me of a song in Rock Band called Wayward Son or something. I don’t really know what wayward means… let me look it up. … I thought that word meant lost or missing a sense of direction but it turns out that it means uncontrollable pervert. It’s weird when words mean something totally different than what I expect. I may have accidentally described myself as wayward in the past, lol…

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Someone

Someone went through my blog and read tens of entries a couple days ago. I wonder who it was and what he/she thought. Whether it was silly, stupid, or interesting, something seemed to hold their attention. I wish people leave comments more often. The people I want to hear from most are usually people wise enough not to comment just for the sake of commenting. I’m not shitting on any of my existing commenters though. Surprisingly, I get pretty much all quality comments but I see the internet and other blogs constantly filled with pointless comments.

 

I just want someone to speak up, anyone. I give credit to all who’ve spoken out to me but I’ve tired them out, understandably so. Might as well speak to me while I’m still around. Not that I’m necessarily dying anytime soon, but I would easily abandon blogging if I don’t see enough activity.

 

Speaking of someone, someone apparently was somewhat interested in me today, at least briefly. It was an older lady at a bar, probably in her 30s. I went to a bar with some friends, female friends who I don’t normally talk to. We’re like drinking buddies except I rarely drink. Apparently they saw that lady sitting next to me looking me up and down. I was too depressed and unmotivated to do anything. There was also loud music which makes conversation impossible so attempting would’ve simply been futile. I don’t get how people can bother trying to talk in these places. I just sat silently. She said something to me but I couldn’t hear her so I just smiled. A little while later, some dude just comes and starts making out with her. I assumed he was her boyfriend. Further evidence suggests that they were actually probably strangers. I can’t compete with that kind of behavior though. I refuse to. The girl wasn’t very attractive but she could’ve had me if she made a move. I would take anyone at this point. Not a very attractive thing for me to say, but it’s true. But she got that guy anyway so I wasn’t needed… once again… Good for her though.

Why Men Pee In The Shower And Women Don’t

 

It’s very normal for men to pee in the shower and it’s also very normal for women to be disgusted by it. But why are women so disgusted by it? Is it because they’re more hygienic? Nope. I don’t know why but I spent some time thinking about this and I now have the answer.

Peeing in the shower is very hygienic… for men. If anything, it’s even cleaner than using a toilet. It also takes less effort because you don’t have to hold down your pants or aim as much. There’s no reason not to do it. For women, however, peeing in the shower is very different. Due to the location of their urinary organ, if they simply start peeing while they’re showering, the urine will go all over their leg and feet. If a woman wanted to pee in the shower without peeing on herself, she would have to put a foot up against a wall and pee sideways and that’s just not practical.

There are probably men out there who pee messily in the shower but most of the time, it’s fine, so women shouldn’t judge men so harshly for doing it. I have solved the mystery of different gender perception of peeing in the shower. Why I decided to think about peeing in the shower with a vagina is the new mystery I shall someday solve.

Lower Than The Lowest Lows

The title’s pretty stupid. It doesn’t really make sense. I seem to have lost my ability and interest to write anything decent. I’m constantly reaching new lows in life. I’m definitely lower than I’ve ever been before and sadly, it’s probably still going to keep getting lower. The first low point I’ve ever reached was when I tried out online dating. Online dating doesn’t have nearly as much stigma as it used to, but the moment I decided to try it was still a depressing one. I was admitting that I couldn’t find a girl in real life. The moment a person decides to try online dating doesn’t need to be a depressing one, but it is often depressing and it was depressing for me. Failing at online dating makes it even worse.

The next low point was when I decided to try to find a girlfriend off craigslist. Finding a hooker would be fine, that’s just business. But girlfriend? That’s getting a little desperate. Failing at that makes things worse as well. Over the past couple years, I repeatedly tried it over and over again even though I rarely even get a response, let alone someone who’s interested. There are a lot of spam bots out there pretending that they’re girls worried about their safety and telling you to go to a certain site to pay $1 for a background check so that they know you’re safe. Luckily, I haven’t fallen for those. That definitely would’ve been a new low. But I did spend more time replying to those pre-written bot emails than I did with real girls – still a new low.

Then I went through several years of getting progressively more depressed, losing interest in movies, games, food, life. Naturally, it doesn’t take long to lose motivation to work when nothing’s enjoyable anymore. I can’t pinpoint specific events to these, but new lows were definitely being made. Finally, my latest new low is a sequel to the hooker story I wrote about in the last post. Seeing a hooker isn’t lowly. Developing feelings for a hooker is pretty bad. Developing feelings for a fat ugly hooker? Well that’s just retarded. That’s where I’m at…

After writing the last post, I decided to email the hooker and I went to see her that night. I just wanted some boob play and cuddling and someone to talk to. Okay, that sounds really lame. It was. It is. Let me redeem myself a little. I’m not desperate to talk to just anyone. I want someone to talk to regularly and frequently. Why I thought a hooker could fill that void was just plain stupid. There’s no redeeming that part. When I finally saw her, she was fat. I thought she was gonna be maybe a little overweight but nope, she was fat. I’m not attracted to fat. I’m not being super mean here and trying to make girls worry about their bodies. This girl clearly didn’t worry about it at all. Skinny isn’t attractive either. Lazy isn’t attractive as well. If a girl looks like she’s active, then she’ll look great. When I’m not ridden by depression, I’m a very active person with endless amounts of energy. I could be sporting and exercising all day and I’ll still have energy to do more that night and the next day and the next day. Naturally, I would be attracted to active people too. I’m not picky at all. Easily over 70% of girls are attractive to me. As long as you don’t like look you’ll die from walking up a flight of stairs, you look great. If you look like a bean bag chair, you probably don’t look great.

Anyway, I chatted with the hooker and I tried to befriend her. I learned all about her current situation and we decided we’d meet again as friends. I couldn’t sleep that night. I’m not really sure why, but then I eventually thought of a scenario where I could invite her to live in my house so she can sort out her life. Yes, it sounds really stupid when written. It’s not as stupid if you know the exact details I have planned, but it’s still pretty stupid. If she were a hot attractive girl, my stupidity would be understandable at least. But now it’s just pure stupidity with no excuse.

Before I make the final stupid decision, I would need to talk to her thoroughly and ask her a lot of questions to find any reason not to do it. It didn’t take me long at all to catch her not living up to my fantasy but it was still irrefutably stupid that I considered it so seriously. At least I dodged that bullet I guess. I have no idea what stupid shit I’ll do next. If it doesn’t cost me my life, I’ll probably be blogging about it. I might record a podcast tomorrow with more details on the hooker story.

Self Realization From Nonsensical Dream

Describing dreams to other people is a delicate art. Dreams often skip around, bend reality, and not make sense so it requires decent storytelling skills to fill in the gaps and not make it sound retarded. Unfortunately, I’m not a good storyteller so this is going to be a shitty dream story.

 

You should skip this paragraph because I’m going to describe some crazy nonsense. I’m 23 and no longer attend school but in the dream, I invited a friend and a black couple to come to my house for lunch. When it was time to head back to school, we left the house to get into the car. The black couple got into one car, and for some reason, my friend and I got into an SUV with 2 black gangsters in the front seat whom we don’t know. Apparently, they’re acquaintances of the black girl in the couple. I turned on my charm, became personable and chatted up the gangsters. Turns out, the culture of these specific black people is that girls are encouraged to engage with multiple partners and these gangsters were like her spare tires even though she was with a boyfriend at the moment. I told you this paragraph isn’t going to make sense.

 

So anyway, I get in the car with 2 black gangsters and they were supposed to drive me back to school. Part way through, I noticed they didn’t take the right path. I politely informed them that I was cool with the fact that they were taking a detour. We wound up in some crazy sketchy area where they were meeting someone and making some kind of deal. Some new gangsters approached the car, these new gangsters were mexican/latino. Not sure what the difference is but at least my dream brain isn’t being super racist against black people and crime. It seems to be completely influenced by movies and media. These guys came up to the car, opened the door, and started shooting their guns at us. They killed the black gangsters in the front seats and shot multiple rounds at me too. I only got shot in the hand and it hurt a lot even though the wound was like a splinter. The whole time while they were firing at me, I kept crying for mercy and saying I have no weapons. As much as I talk about being depressed and wanting to die, when shit goes down (in a dream), I clung to life like a pussy. I’ve predicted this as one of my possible reactions to life/death situations but I was very disappointed to catch myself reacting this way, even if it was just a dream.

 

I explained to the new gangsters that we didn’t know those black gangsters and that we’re not associated with them. They spared us and took our food. The dream skips around a bit here and I end up inside these gangsters’ base, which is like a warehouse. A lot of the gang members were there, around 40 of them. There were some hot chicks in the mix too. I walked up to the group and spoke to the leader. I made a grandiose speech, just like you would see in the movies. I announced that I want to join them. I see money, power, women, what more can a man ask for? The leader decides to test me. He points to the back of the crowd at this hot chick and tells me I need to shoot her in the head. The girl seems to be part of the gang and didn’t react at all; she kept looking down and using her phone. Her lack of reaction wasn’t because she didn’t hear her death sentence, but it was because she didn’t care for some reason.

 

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t shoot this random hot chick in the head. I’m not sure that I was ready to kill yet. I tried  to analyze the test to see what I was really being tested on. Was it a test to see if I can mercilessly kill a human? Was it a test of loyalty that I wouldn’t kill an a fellow member under pressure? Was it a test of gun proficiency because he told me I only get 3 shots? I tried to think outside the box to see if I could get around the test. I considered telling them I’m more of a behind the scenes mastermind kind of guy who can make plans and strategies. But then I was afraid that they’d interpret it as calling them stupid. Maybe the gun they provided me shoots blanks. Why else would they trust me to put a gun towards the back of the crowd and not shoot anyone else. I thought that might be onto something so I said something out loud to buy some time because I’ve been thinking for a long time. I told them that they wouldn’t want me firing at their direction so I’m going to walk up to the girl for point blank range. I waited to see if they would respond, to see if it would clarify whether the test was about firing accuracy. Nobody said anything so I proceeded walking towards the girl.

 

I was in a tough situation. I didn’t know what was being tested and I didn’t think they’d just let me quit the test and walk away either. I didn’t want to have to kill anyone, but it was even harder because she was a hot chick, With all my perversions in mind, it felt like a waste of a body. Would it have been easier if I had to kill a guy? I kept thinking that I’d much rather fuck her than kill her. Not rape though, I don’t condone rape. Would she rather die than get touched my me? I’m not into necrophilia so I wasn’t going to kill her and then fuck the body. I might still go for a boob squeeze though. Then I thought about how to tell her I’m killing her whilst touching her warm alive boobs. The dream pretty much ended there because it got too ridiculous. If I had a cooler brain, it could’ve turned into a sex dream but I can’t even get laid in dreams.

 

What I learned from this crazy dream is that I turn to a mega wuss with death encroaches and that my mind is forever perverted even in super tense situations.

SFT Podcast Episode 14 – Bigger Nigger, Family Deaths, Girls

That’s a wide range of topics I talked about there. I won’t explain the bigger nigger story here. You’ll have to listen to the podcast to see what that’s all about. Then I tried to talk about video games but I ended up talking shit about my family and extended family instead. There isn’t much shit to talk about and I wound up talking about family deaths. Finally, I tried to talk about video games but it quickly turned to a tangent about girls. I talk about practically every interaction I’ve had with girls and it’s sad that I can fit all that, in full detail, within about 20 minutes. I don’t interact with girls much is what this means.

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 14 – Bigger Nigger, Family Deaths, Girls

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zArFJ_9-6s

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Passionate My Ass

Last night I got lonely and tried to find a girl to talk to online. Most days, I don’t even get any responses so when one responded, it was kind of a treat already. The treat doesn’t last long though. Once I’ve got a responsive person, I then have to actually carry a conversation with her which is an impossibility for me. I totally suck at talking with people. Recent studies have shown that I’m only capable of talking about myself, my ass, and the kinds of shits that come out of my ass. I’m sane enough to not start conversations with these topics. I don’t talk about myself too much either because I’m self-conscious that people might not give a shit and I’m wasting my finger energy stroking the keyboard when I could be using that energy to stroke other parts of my body. …It is pretty rare and difficult for me to carry out a successful conversation.

What? Was Ted saying something? I'm just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies...

What? Was Ted saying something? I’m just busy staring at my own boobs. Boooobies…

Anyway, we talked for a little while, asking each other introductory questions. She responded quickly which was great. It sucks when people don’t respond quickly. The conversation was going as poorly as it normally would, but that’s fine. Most conversations start slow anyway. I continued trying to ask some questions and answering other questions when all of a sudden, she quits by telling me she just got out of a bad relationship. Bear in mind that I found her through craigslist where she was posting an ad looking for a relationship.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Totally unrelated image. If the picture is small enough, it looks like she has a weirdly shaped bottom lip.

Without knowing wtf just happened and having nothing else to do in life, I emailed her back and asked what it was that abruptly made her stop giving a fuck. This is the conversation that followed:

Her:

I’m just a really passionate person

and it doesn’t really seem like you’re that passionate about anything

which is a big thing for me

I’m sorry

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Being passionate is a big thing for me, like my big round ass.

Okay, fair enough. And here’s how I responded:

Hmm… well I’m pretty passionate about comedy and the work I produce be it a blog, stand up material, or video games. I’m not passionate in the sense that I won’t ramble on about them to someone who might not be interested. I’m passionate about improving my life enough that I’m still trying to talk to you some more and see if we can be friends or anything. But at the same time I’m not going to stalk you and try forever. If I still don’t turn you around at all with this email then I’m done trying. I’m just a reasonable person. Too reasonable to a fault maybe.

I mentioned earlier that I’m very flexible with my interests so I can try to get passionate about the things you’re passionate about. That’s one of the advantage of me being an open slate.

Sure, I may sound like a desperate little bitch but I think was still being very fair and should at least be given a shot to CHAT; I’m not asking for her virgin pussy or anything.

Ted is such a whiny little bitch...

Ted is such a whiny little bitch…

And finally, this is how she responds:

I don’t want someone who just picks up my interests

I want someone who has their own interests they’re passionate about, some of which are in common

I’m sorry, you’re probably really nice, just not what I’m looking for.

She doesn’t want someone who’ll do things for her? Is she a masochist or retarded? She had previously mentioned that she liked baking, cooking, and singing. She’s basically looking for a guy who doesn’t share her interests and will probably treat her like shit, or a homosexual.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

Yeah, go find your own interests like crawling across a ravine on all fours.

I thought about sending an angry-ish email with basically what I just wrote but I didn’t end up doing it because I don’t give enough of a shit about this. I actually don’t really care about this whole thing at all and I’m only writing this because I wanted to write something for the blog. Hopefully it was entertaining enough for you.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.

Wow that was very entertaining, Ted. This is totally not a fake smile.