Quick Burst of Thoughts

I just realized that when I talk to adults, I refer to my mom as “mommy” which sounds pansy but it’s better than the alternative of calling her a cunt.

 

I hate clubbing but the one part I do enjoy about it is that I can fart freely on the dance floor and no one will know.

 

When adults talk to me, it’s annoying when they say something to me with the presumption that I enjoy playing video games. I don’t. I don’t enjoy anything in life anymore. The only reason I still play games is to numb my mind. Even then, I can barely keep it up. So when they start a conversation saying that I like to play games, I know that I can stop listening right there and start spacing out.

 

Lately, I feel like my weird body hairs are getting longer: armpit hair, nose hair, ear hair, asshole hair, nipple hair, etc…

 

I asked a dude if he would fuck a female bum and was surprised that there was a misunderstanding. That’s when I know I’ve been using the word “bum” for “homeless” too much.

 

I know I’m not gay, but I think I would be willing to give a guy a hand job for as little as $5. There will need to be a couple realistic conditions for me to offer this amazing deal. I wouldn’t have to pretend to enjoy it and I would need to have access to soap and water immediately afterwards. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. I don’t enjoy touching a dick by any means but c’mon guys, it’s just a dick. That’s much better than touching a shitty asshole. Wait a minute… Does this mean I would rather touch a guy’s dick than a girl’s asshole? Umm… I don’t think I want to think about this anymore…

 

Next topic.

 

It is said that the average man uses 7,000 words a day and the average woman uses 20,000 words a day. Who says that? I just quoted the first site that came up on google. Whatever the amount is, I literally use 0 words on an average day. People should be surprised I’m even capable of speaking.

These are the kinds of random little things I plan to talk about in my podcast that I’m still planning to do. Hopefully this little tease will help get me a couple listeners when I finally make it.

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Shit Stories Part VIII: Asshole Hair

Finally, the asshole hair story has arrived. …Actually I take that back. I’m going to delay that story a little more… I hope I’m not inadvertently hyping up that story too much.

Delayed again?

Delayed again?

(edited) I’m often amazed at how young pretty girls (like this one http://acaffeinatedbrunette.com/about/) actually appreciates my shit humor. Too bad that the closest I ever get to these girls is over the safe distant gap of the internet. The thought of a pretty girl laughing at my shit and gaping hairy asshole is a bittersweet image. I should post pictures of gorgeous girls in my Shit Stories to create a wonderful contrast of imagery.

I'm a pretty girl too, right?

I’m a pretty girl too, right?

Hmm… That’s actually not a bad idea. I should post random pictures of pretty girls to my shit stories just for a laugh. It’s hilarious because it subliminally associates these pretty girls to my shit stories. If 10 people likes this entry, I’ll make it happen.

Because of this stupid context I got mixed up in, now it looks like I've having an accident.

Because of this stupid context I got mixed up in, now it looks like I’ve having an accident.

Finally, for real this time: Asshole Hair. I’m asian and don’t have body hair for the most part so it freaks me out to know that I have hair in a place as disgusting as my asshole. Because I can’t actually see it, I have some denial of its existence. Maybe I’m too smart for my own good because I can’t fool myself and I know it’s there. I know it’s real because I can feel it when I scrub my asshole during showers.

I'm asian and scrubbing my hair too. I'm talking about the other hand you can't see.

I’m asian and scrubbing my hair too. I’m talking about the other hand you can’t see.

I’ve been paying more attention to my shits lately to gather material for this blog. (It’s sad that this is what my life has become… a shit blogger…) I was thinking about my asshole hair one day and realized something disgusting about it. When I shit, those asshole hairs are bound to get smeared with fecal matter. And when I wipe, because I’m not wiping each strand of asshole hair individually, there’s no way they’re clean. Does this mean I spend most of my days with traces of shit in my pants? Since I’m not the only one with asshole hair, that means most people are walking around with shit in their pants. For sanitary reasons, I want to get rid of those hairs but there’s no way I can do that on my own; it’s a recipe for a comedic disaster. Maybe I need to pay someone to trim my asshole hair. I feel sorry for whoever has that job.

Does that... does that mean I have shit in my pants too? =(

Does that… does that mean I have shit in my pants too? =(