Charity Dating

Even without the dickish title, there’s nothing I can say that won’t sound bad. I’m going to try to pour all my thoughts in this blog entry. There will be some horrible thoughts that’s better left unsaid, unwritten. In fact, most of this will be horrible…

 

So… I went on a date tonight. This was not a sexy hot date. I sort of went on the date out of sympathy. I had been warned not to date someone out of sympathy and perhaps I should have heeded that advice. I’d like to think I’m a fairly attractive person, especially since I started working out again and getting back my hot bod, lol. I’m sort of kidding of course. It’s hard to know for sure whether I’m good looking or not because I’m obviously biased and you never know when people are just being polite when they tell me that. I have my doubts because it’s not like girls throw themselves at me but nobody ever seemed repulsed by me either so there’s that. All we can say for sure is that… I’m very self-absorbed…. I’ve been talking about myself for a while now.

 

As for the girl I saw tonight, we wouldn’t even throw the term “attractiveness” around. She has very visible deformities and she was nice enough to warn me about it ahead of time instead of surprising me with it. And I was “nice” enough to… be nice about it…. I may actually be doing a bad thing by accidentally stringing her along. That wouldn’t be nice. I don’t want to seem like a shallow person so I say that looks isn’t the most important thing. It’s a nice bonus, but personality counts more. I was certainly put to the test tonight.

 

This next section is going to make me sound bad, especially because I’m not even trying to be mean, which makes it worse. I’m going to describe her looks a little. When I first saw her pictures, I thought she sort of looked like a classic rendering of an extraterrestrial alien. I get scared of ghosts and aliens easily. If you show me even a kid’s drawing of an alien, I’m going to feel fear and paranoia for the next little while, and possibly have trouble sleeping. In fact, I even get scared of the words “ghosts and aliens” because they trigger thoughts. I’m getting a little scared right now even though I’m the one using those words. I’m trying to overlook appearances but if I’m going to have nightmares, it’s not going to work out. I’m not exaggerating. She’s done a few background acting jobs and they’ve used her for sci-fi shows and medical patients in pain.

 

Next up is one of many horrible thoughts to come. After hearing her talk about how thrifty she is with money and how she visits the food bank, I realized she didn’t dress sharply either and could pass as a homeless person. She has dark markings all over her skin which someone might think is dirt on a homeless person. I am also very thrifty and don’t dress sharply so I’m not judging that at all. Thing is, you never see a beautiful homeless person. The fairy-tale explanation is that beautiful people will find a way to be taken care of and live cush lives. The dark reality is that if there ever was a beautiful homeless person, it won’t take long until they get raped or killed or both.

 

Prior to the date, I had time to organize my thoughts and I should’ve ended things before they started. But I procrastinated… Then she texted me saying that she was feeling lonely and depressed and wanted to go see a movie with me. I know what it’s like to feel lonely and depressed and since I was able to help, I decided to take her out and give her a chance. Who knows, I might be surprised and actually enjoy her personality. …I did not enjoy her personality. It wasn’t bad and she was nice, but we just didn’t click. To be fair, I started feeling that way even before seeing the pictures. One of the first things she did was tease me that my iphone 3 is old and urging me to get a new phone. Teasing is fine, but she said (jokingly? half-jokingly?): “Why don’t you just get a new phone?” which has the subtext of “what is wrong with you?” By comparison, the last girl I saw (who doesn’t even want a relationship with me) found novelty value in my even older Nokia brick phone. The girl tonight has no interest in gaming, the games I’ve made, comedy I’m involved in, and my blog. Most people don’t care and I’ve learned not to expect people to care. Once again, comparing to the last girl, she was actually interested in everything I’ve done. She checked them all out and enjoyed them (because they’re great, lol, just kidding… half kidding). In fact, she’s probably reading this right now. Howdy. She hasn’t seen the comedy stuff yet but she’ll probably like those too since she likes my sense of humour. It’s good to have someone like that in your life, who actually appreciate your work. Umm… I didn’t mean for this to turn into a comparison fest and then into a letter of appreciation. Moving on…

 

Back to the “charity date”, how can I tell a person, who only has her personality to offer, that I did not enjoy it? Well, that’s easy, but how can I do it without feeling bad afterwards? I feel like a coward for not saying anything sooner and still haven’t said anything yet. The longer I wait, the worse it’s going to be. She tells me that she likes me. How can she not? I was very nice and I’m already such a likeable person ;). I imagine she doesn’t have many dating options so it’s easy for her to fixate on someone really quickly. I’ve done the same thing in the past. If I learned to talk smoothly to strangers and date properly, I’d probably do okay. But I’m not into that kind of lifestyle so I haven’t pursued it. Now I’m started to get an idea of what kind of pressure I’ve been putting on the girls in my past. It’s a tough situation and it’s tough to let people down, so I sincerely apologize for that behaviour. I’ve never had to let someone down before. It’s hard. I have to steel myself for it or it’s not going to work. Girls have to do it all the time. Must be tough.

 

Did I even do a charity tonight or am I just about to hurt someone really bad? I did pay for everything so at least that part was charitable. No date ever took me out and paid for everything and if girls wanted to throw me a bone every so often, I would feel bad to complain about it. The girl tonight had a tough life and I can see how it’s hard for her personality to fully develop. It’s almost impossible not to react to her condition. People either avoid her or act extra nice around her. I’m guilty of the latter too. I probably shouldn’t have done this “charity” though. I’m not a fan of charities. I’m not saying they’re bad, but they get very problematic. The thing is, there is no end to suffering, starving, unfortunate people. Once you get involved, you realize how much problem there really is and how powerless you are to effect any big changes. It’s a perfect example for how ignorance is bliss.

 

I was able to learn a lot about myself tonight. I learned some empathy and my humanity (or maybe the lack thereof). I feel like there’s lots of room to learn a lot more too. But I’m not eager to learn. I’ve never been eager to learn things.

 

I know I always ask for comments but this time I need it more than ever. If you don’t think I’m a horrible person, please please please let me know. If you do think I’m horrible, you can leave a comment too but I’m not begging for those, lol.

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SFT Podcast Episode 25 – Homeless Eating

The main theme of this episode is about perspective. The homeless eating stuff is near the end and I discuss how perspectives might change when one becomes homeless. There’s also a bunch of other stuff like incest and stupidity.

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 25 – Homeless Eating

Youtube:

http://youtu.be/Li6x7o4qnlk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Quick Burst of Thoughts

I just realized that when I talk to adults, I refer to my mom as “mommy” which sounds pansy but it’s better than the alternative of calling her a cunt.

 

I hate clubbing but the one part I do enjoy about it is that I can fart freely on the dance floor and no one will know.

 

When adults talk to me, it’s annoying when they say something to me with the presumption that I enjoy playing video games. I don’t. I don’t enjoy anything in life anymore. The only reason I still play games is to numb my mind. Even then, I can barely keep it up. So when they start a conversation saying that I like to play games, I know that I can stop listening right there and start spacing out.

 

Lately, I feel like my weird body hairs are getting longer: armpit hair, nose hair, ear hair, asshole hair, nipple hair, etc…

 

I asked a dude if he would fuck a female bum and was surprised that there was a misunderstanding. That’s when I know I’ve been using the word “bum” for “homeless” too much.

 

I know I’m not gay, but I think I would be willing to give a guy a hand job for as little as $5. There will need to be a couple realistic conditions for me to offer this amazing deal. I wouldn’t have to pretend to enjoy it and I would need to have access to soap and water immediately afterwards. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. I don’t enjoy touching a dick by any means but c’mon guys, it’s just a dick. That’s much better than touching a shitty asshole. Wait a minute… Does this mean I would rather touch a guy’s dick than a girl’s asshole? Umm… I don’t think I want to think about this anymore…

 

Next topic.

 

It is said that the average man uses 7,000 words a day and the average woman uses 20,000 words a day. Who says that? I just quoted the first site that came up on google. Whatever the amount is, I literally use 0 words on an average day. People should be surprised I’m even capable of speaking.

These are the kinds of random little things I plan to talk about in my podcast that I’m still planning to do. Hopefully this little tease will help get me a couple listeners when I finally make it.

A Night in the City

My friend insisted I go out with him tonight and he was willing to pay for my expenses so I went out. I’m still a bum (too lazy to write a decent story about it) but I wrote 2 facebook statuses that sum up some of the things that happened tonight. It also seems I may have found a guest for my impending podcast to tell his crazy stories about going out. I have relatives living in the house at the moment but once they leave in 2 weeks, I will begin to attempt making my podcast. Look forward to it. Anyway, here are my self-quotes:

 

I was told that I was in the presence of Sarah Connor from Terminator. Whether or not it was her, the woman I was observing kissed her very flaming gay friend. Random…

We went to get some schrama. A friend dropped some fries on the counter. I went back to pick it up and eat it. The lady behind the counter saw. She laughed. She gave me some free fries. Laugh all you want but free fries is a win in my books.