Random Oversaturation And Fat Hooker Epilogue

It’s hard to title these entries because I talk about so many random topics by design. I also don’t like including the word “random” in the title all the time either. I think 80% of my entries start off with me commenting on the title. And probably 5% of my entries has me commenting on the fact that I comment on the title… I don’t know if I dislike these or not…

 

I’m writing yet another random word entry. Hopefully I’m not giving people too much crap to read. I’d like to think of it as being prolific, haha. I have a tendency to do something to death when I get positive feedback. Anyone who knows me probably sees that in other things I do. After finding out someone actually read my last entry, I feel motivated enough to write more. Technically speaking, nobody said they liked it but I’m just going to make that big fat assumption. I don’t trust the “like” button. It’s used for too many things other than its intended purpose. Some people might click “like” just so the person gets an email notification that links to their own blog. It can be used as a tool of advertising without actually having read the entry. I’ve been guilty of that myself. Surprisingly, I think most people who likes my stuff actually reads it. Maybe I’m the only dick who haphazardly clicks “like” and I’m projecting it onto other people. The other way I use the “like” button is just to let the person know I read it and didn’t hate it. It’s more of an “acknowledgement” button.

 

Hmm… I don’t think I even need to resort to the random word generator for this entry. There’s enough substance already. I already looked up 5 words though so I’ll probably keep writing after I post this. For now, I’ll write about the epilogue to my fat hooker story. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it before. If you’re unfamiliar with the fat hooker story, you can search “fat hooker” on the right. Lower Than The Lowest Lows is the written entry on that. I also apparently recorded a couple podcasts on it too so it’s probably a fuller explanation if you consume all of that. I’m a little scared to revisit my podcast because I might discover how stupid I was. I don’t know if those are worth listening to or not, but it’s there if you want to hear them. I’ll listen to my podcast one day but today’s not that day yet.

 

A short version of the fat hooker story is that I was pathetically lonely at the time and the fat hooker was the only person responding on craigslist that night so I decided to try to take that relationship as far as I could. After visiting her (without having sex) and learning of her situation (she recently left home and is prostituting herself to make money to pay for the motel she was staying at), I tried to offer her to stay at my place to help her get back on her feet. It gets complicated because I live with my parents but it luckily never got that far. My offer piqued her interest but she was rightfully cautious about it and I was very fortunate that that was the case because it meant that I didn’t get into a mess that I was diving head first into.

 

…I just spent the last 10 minutes consulting the emails so I can write about this part without smudging with the facts. It was a pretty interesting read, lol. I should post that someday or read it on a podcast. It’s pretty long so I’ll just sum it up for this entry. Basically we had a falling out over email before I even met her a second time. That was probably one of the luckiest things to ever happen to me. Let’s just call it a clash of personalities. Interestingly, people seem to resort to name calling at this point but I am able to remain calm and rational and end the interaction with a few concluding statements without turning it into a big fight. I do that by taking the blame and apologizing and saying we’re probably better off not interacting anymore. I guess I’m just the bigger man. I wanted to write a joke about that, perhaps by contrasting it to myself being a tiny Asian man. I don’t love that premise because I don’t want to call myself a tiny Asian man. I got tired to trying to finish that joke and I think it might even be better if I didn’t bring it up but I’m just going to leave that incomplete thought there.

 

Here’s where the epilogue begins. A month later, she emailed me apologizing for her rudeness in the last email. By this time, I was no longer invested in the situation but I still exchanged a few friendly emails with her out of politeness. Apparently she had become homeless and started living in a shelter. There were about 20 emails back and forth. Neither of us made any mention of my previous offer for her to stay at my place but I got the sense that that’s what she was after. If she had asked about it, it would’ve been tough to respond to. I guess I dodged another bullet there. The story pretty much just ends here but I think this might be very unsatisfying to read. I guess I should include a few of my thoughts and analysis of the situation.

 

I only met her once but we had agreed on meeting more and becoming friends. We never did meet a second time. Every time the second meeting was being planned, she asked to borrow money. Money was involved in the first meeting too but I just considered it a charity and an investment in potential friendship (giving her the benefit of the doubt). I don’t know how truly crafty she was being or if there was a part of her that really would’ve wanted to be friends but she fucked it up by continually asking for money without putting in enough effort into the friendship first. I still believe there’s a slight possibility that she really did only need to borrow the money but it had become a bad investment for me for a friendship that hasn’t happened yet.

 

…I was going to write some thoughts on the epilogue too but I can’t seem to concisely put my thoughts into words so I’m just going to end this entry here. Perhaps there will be an epilogue to this epilogue someday.

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SFT Podcast Episode 40 – My Big Fat Hooker Experience

Okay I need to warn you that half way through the podcast, it turns to shit. I kinda lost interest in telling the stories and it was just shit on shit. You’ll see what I mean when you get there. I just felt that I needed to warn you.

Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/sm/create/SFTpodcast/SFT-0040-My_Big_Fat_Hooker_Experience.mp3

Youtube: http://youtu.be/LB7P16Z_xc4

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

Web hosting starting at $5 a month. You might get more discount if you mention this podcast. I don’t know. I don’t really care anymore lol.

Lower Than The Lowest Lows

The title’s pretty stupid. It doesn’t really make sense. I seem to have lost my ability and interest to write anything decent. I’m constantly reaching new lows in life. I’m definitely lower than I’ve ever been before and sadly, it’s probably still going to keep getting lower. The first low point I’ve ever reached was when I tried out online dating. Online dating doesn’t have nearly as much stigma as it used to, but the moment I decided to try it was still a depressing one. I was admitting that I couldn’t find a girl in real life. The moment a person decides to try online dating doesn’t need to be a depressing one, but it is often depressing and it was depressing for me. Failing at online dating makes it even worse.

The next low point was when I decided to try to find a girlfriend off craigslist. Finding a hooker would be fine, that’s just business. But girlfriend? That’s getting a little desperate. Failing at that makes things worse as well. Over the past couple years, I repeatedly tried it over and over again even though I rarely even get a response, let alone someone who’s interested. There are a lot of spam bots out there pretending that they’re girls worried about their safety and telling you to go to a certain site to pay $1 for a background check so that they know you’re safe. Luckily, I haven’t fallen for those. That definitely would’ve been a new low. But I did spend more time replying to those pre-written bot emails than I did with real girls – still a new low.

Then I went through several years of getting progressively more depressed, losing interest in movies, games, food, life. Naturally, it doesn’t take long to lose motivation to work when nothing’s enjoyable anymore. I can’t pinpoint specific events to these, but new lows were definitely being made. Finally, my latest new low is a sequel to the hooker story I wrote about in the last post. Seeing a hooker isn’t lowly. Developing feelings for a hooker is pretty bad. Developing feelings for a fat ugly hooker? Well that’s just retarded. That’s where I’m at…

After writing the last post, I decided to email the hooker and I went to see her that night. I just wanted some boob play and cuddling and someone to talk to. Okay, that sounds really lame. It was. It is. Let me redeem myself a little. I’m not desperate to talk to just anyone. I want someone to talk to regularly and frequently. Why I thought a hooker could fill that void was just plain stupid. There’s no redeeming that part. When I finally saw her, she was fat. I thought she was gonna be maybe a little overweight but nope, she was fat. I’m not attracted to fat. I’m not being super mean here and trying to make girls worry about their bodies. This girl clearly didn’t worry about it at all. Skinny isn’t attractive either. Lazy isn’t attractive as well. If a girl looks like she’s active, then she’ll look great. When I’m not ridden by depression, I’m a very active person with endless amounts of energy. I could be sporting and exercising all day and I’ll still have energy to do more that night and the next day and the next day. Naturally, I would be attracted to active people too. I’m not picky at all. Easily over 70% of girls are attractive to me. As long as you don’t like look you’ll die from walking up a flight of stairs, you look great. If you look like a bean bag chair, you probably don’t look great.

Anyway, I chatted with the hooker and I tried to befriend her. I learned all about her current situation and we decided we’d meet again as friends. I couldn’t sleep that night. I’m not really sure why, but then I eventually thought of a scenario where I could invite her to live in my house so she can sort out her life. Yes, it sounds really stupid when written. It’s not as stupid if you know the exact details I have planned, but it’s still pretty stupid. If she were a hot attractive girl, my stupidity would be understandable at least. But now it’s just pure stupidity with no excuse.

Before I make the final stupid decision, I would need to talk to her thoroughly and ask her a lot of questions to find any reason not to do it. It didn’t take me long at all to catch her not living up to my fantasy but it was still irrefutably stupid that I considered it so seriously. At least I dodged that bullet I guess. I have no idea what stupid shit I’ll do next. If it doesn’t cost me my life, I’ll probably be blogging about it. I might record a podcast tomorrow with more details on the hooker story.

Breaking Up With Hookers

I spent most of last night and today emailing hookers. If I’ve emailed you in the last 24 hours, please don’t mistakenly think that I’m calling you a hooker. I’m was emailing real hookers, from craigslist. I didn’t set out looking for hookers though. I just wanted to find some girls to talk to and they just all turned out to be hookers. After I found out they were hookers, I didn’t even mind. As cheap as I am, I was ready to pay. That’s how lonely I’ve been feeling lately.

Oddly enough, once they reveal that they’re hookers and I express my interest in their services, they stop replying. Maybe they were first timers and are second guessing their life choices. Maybe they were busy and had dicks in their mouths. Either way, it still made me feel lonelier. I couldn’t even get hookers to take my money. Eventually, I finally got one and when we were finalizing the deal, I saw a picture of her and I began to lose interest. The picture was okay, but it was small and you couldn’t really get a clear look at the girl. But then she described herself as a BBW – big beautiful woman – and that lost my interest. Often times, obese women would call themselves BBW so the term is kind of tainted. I think this hooker is a real BBW who’s a bit big but still pretty decent looking.

I hate how I can be so vain sometimes. I think it’s okay to be vain in the context of looking for a hooker, but I’m ashamed that my vanity carries on to other areas of life. Looks isn’t everything, but it’s definitely a thing. It’s not the most important thing, but it’s still definitely a thing. Being nice is the most important and attractive trait. If there are two people who are equally nice but one person is better looking, that better looking person is more attractive and lovable. That’s just the way things are. But if the uglier person is even a wee-bit nicer, then that person becomes more attractive. The problem is, when you don’t know a person yet, you can only judge them by their appearance. It takes a while to see whether someone is truly nice or not. It’s unfortunate, but often times, ugly people aren’t nice because they’re bitter. Some people claim that they don’t care about looks at all. I wonder if that’s really true or maybe they’re just deluding themselves or maybe a part of their brain is busted.

After I lost interest in the hooker, I needed to “break up” with her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings because even though she’s a hooker, she’s still a person and has feelings. Maybe she doesn’t care, but maybe she does care. I’ve been unintentionally hurtful many times in my life and I don’t like hurting people. I wound up telling her that I’m chatting up a couple other girls and wanted to see if those get anywhere. I think I let her down easy without seeming like a dick or a total waste of time. I think I’m learning to become a better person by exchanging emails with hookers.

Tale of Losing My Virginity; Got Paid to Get Laid

This is a detailed account of the night (tonight) I lost my virginity. I haven’t felt like doing anything lately and haven’t been blogging either but my friend paid me to write this. I’m getting paid to write about getting laid, not for getting laid, in case there’s still misunderstanding because I purposely misled you. I still had to pay for the hooker. I actually had to pay the hooker more than I’m getting paid so I just got a discount to lose my virginity. By now, you should be aware that this isn’t a sexy story. If you must, go somewhere else to masturbate because this story is kind of a boner killer.

At around 6 pm, my friend (the one who’s paying me to write this) told me that he and his hooker-savvy friend is going out for massage and sex and asked if I was interested in coming. Given my lack of will to pursue any work or entertainment, I figured I’ll go out to get laid if my friend is driving and paying for it. I’m a cheap guy and I like to make the most of my money. If possible, I want to make the most out of the transaction, finishing as many times as I can. Apparently, the pro-whore friend told me that 30 minutes means finishing once and doesn’t actually go by the time. It’s kind of tricky because prostitution is probably illegal so you kind of have to adapt their euphemisms and can’t get clearly defined rules. I still would’ve asked and see if I can get a full 30 minutes and I would just ask them explicitly when we start because I’d already be naked by that point so there’s no need to beat around bushes anymore. I know I can historically finish quickly so I would’ve wanted to at least ask for a 5 minute warranty. The other thing is that I still kind of want to go to prison so getting caught by cops would actually have been far from the worst case scenario.

The plan for the night is as follows: first, my 2 friends want to get a regular massage, hopefully with happy endings or more, and then we visit the straight up full service place. If the first place turns out to provide full service, then they’ll let me know and I can purchase my services there as well. The first place had two decent ladies but I would’ve hoped for even better ones. We didn’t know what we were in for so only one of my friends went in first. The other guy and I went to grab some food while we waited. I’m cheap so I actually didn’t purchase any food. The friend offered me some of his fries so I ate some. This guy was actually a friend of the other friend so we didn’t know each other too well and I just filled the time with my usual depressing talks. I pretty much covered anything you would read from the blog except I was more depressing and less funny. I can’t imagined my moping was good especially on a night he’s planning to get laid. He probably felt bad and offering fries was the least he could do.

After a while, the massaged friend called to pick him up and he informed us that they offered happy endings. This piqued the interest of the other friend and he decided to go in for the service too. I didn’t go because I wanted full service. If I’m losing my virginity, I’d like to do it right, as much as money can buy, at a reasonable price. At this point, they agreed that they were still taking me to the other place after both their happy endings so I didn’t mind waiting. I’ve already waited 23 years so a couple more hours wasn’t going to hurt me.

Now I went to get food with this friend. We went to KFC and again, I didn’t buy anything. He bought a little combo meal and gave me the chicken drumstick. We mostly joked about happy endings and condoms, you know, typical dinner talk for guys. Afterwards, we went to Baskin Robins to get some ice cream. I didn’t want to pay for anything but my friend insisted to buy me some. I’ve been spending a lot of time writing about food and given that I’m most notoriously known for my shit stories, I’m going to disappoint you right now and let you know that this doesn’t lead to a nasty diarrhea sex story.

After waiting around for a while, the other friend finally finished and now we head towards the real climax of the evening. It was a disappointing climax but I used that word just for the double entendre. This new location is an apartment complex and the lobby smelled bad. The odor was made nastier because we all had cum on our minds. At this point, I wasn’t nervous or anything. I hadn’t put much thought in this whole thing since I haven’t been thinking about anything at all for the past year or so. I’m not even sure if my brain is capable of thoughts anymore since I’ve been letting it rot for so long. My friends told me that I need to follow through with this and I just said sure. I didn’t really care. As long as the girls weren’t ugly, I didn’t plan to chicken out. If I’m going to pain my cheap mind to spend money, even if it’s my friend’s money, I expect a certain quality.

When we finally got in the room, I was immediately disappointed. They weren’t terrible looking, but they were definitely less than I expected. They were definitely worse than the ones in the first locations so there was an added sense of regret. When I was in the car, I was wondering whether I’d pick a prettier face with no boobs or a lesser face with better boobs. That didn’t matter anymore because I didn’t have any options and the only 2 I could choose from were both mediocre looking with decent boobs. When we arrived, I didn’t talk but I was slowly trying to back out of it because we all knew they weren’t lookers. But then my friends went right ahead of ordered one up for me despite my hesitation. I didn’t want to be a party pooper and since I wasn’t paying, I complied, but I wasn’t excited at all.

The place was pretty hush-hush and everybody spoke with indoor voice. I wasn’t crazy about the fact that they barely speak English but that’s not exactly a deal breaker for what I’m doing. I was led into a room and the woman asked if I speak Chinese. I told her that I speak Cantonese and it was as though she didn’t know what Cantonese was. She asked the same question a few more times, in English and in Mandarin, and I kept giving her the same answer and added that I was from Hong Kong. She didn’t get it but whatever, we just proceeded. She told me to start and I declared that I was putting on a condom and she shushed me. I said it slightly loud by accident but I wasn’t screaming it or anything and it felt weird to be shushed. The whore-philliac friend had advised me to try to hold out longer but when it was all about to start, I didn’t really have anything in mind. I didn’t try to finish quick or slow, I just went with it.

As a Chinese guy, my dick is pretty small already and because I wasn’t excited, I was completely flaccid and it was as tiny a knob as it’s ever been. I’ve never shaved that area so it was practically camouflaged in the bushes. Like most people, I try to make jokes to ease awkwardness so I outright joked and said “It’s small, isn’t it?” I have no idea if she heard or understood because of her poor English but it wasn’t important. When I took off my shirt, she “ooo”-ed and rubbed my chest. I don’t know if it was purely an act or if she was excited because I was actually kind of built or if she thought it was funny that I was hairless. Earlier, my friend told me about freely touching boobs because he knew my taste and knew that I would’ve wanted to know that. So I only hesitated a little as I reached for the boobs because that’s the only attraction at that point. In my years of virginity, I had already thought of the possibility that boob-touching is overhyped and that was definitely the case tonight. It just felt like oval flesh. It wasn’t particularly exciting. It was fine. It didn’t get me hard and I was planning to play with them a bit but she kind of brushed my arm off after a couple squeezes and told me to lie down. I guess she just wanted to get right to my dick so she can get rid of me sooner. I lied down and reached for a boob and she kinda pushed it away again and told me she was going to suck my dick. I guess she pushed my hand away to get into sucking position. She sucked for a bit and my dick rose steadily. Once it was up, I didn’t know how quickly I would finish so I stopped her and asked for pussy. It was pretty awkward asking for pussy and not knowing if she understood me or not. I didn’t know where to start so I just let her lead. We switched to her lying down and because I was awkwardly on top of her, I couldn’t really reach for boob anymore. If it isn’t clear already, I’m kinda obsessed with boobs.

I didn’t wait for my dick to get fully hard so it was pretty difficult to shove such a small object into its destination. I didn’t really care about my small dick but the most disappointing part was that I couldn’t feel anything because of the condom. I was very disappointed in sex. I give myself a way better handjob. I didn’t know how to get into fucking positions and ours parts didn’t seem to fit together. When I tried to get on the bed, she pointed at me feet and said “No toes.” I don’t know how I was supposed to fuck her without my feet on the bed. I’ve never fucked so my pelvic muscle wasn’t strong. Not only that, but I don’t have a big range of motion to work with because of my short dick. My dick is probably proportional to my height, average-ish, but it didn’t help that it wasn’t even at its full length. If that’s not bad enough already, I also had to take a break after my first thrust because I pulled my hamstring right away. This sex thing wasn’t working and we switched position several times. None of the positions seem to work. I forgot to mention that I kind of needed to pee before we started so when she was bouncing on top, my bladder felt a lot more than my dick did. Whenever I had a free hand, I tried to reach for a boob and she keeps brushing it off after a short while. I don’t know what the deal is. Much like a fly, she’d let me go at it shortly to see if I would move away myself I guess. She didn’t react greatly to it either. It was just weird. Finally, she offered to finish with her hands and I just said sure. She only went at it for a little while and she already seemed tired and disgruntled with her hands. Disappointing. I could’ve done a better job myself. The rest is history.

Prior to tonight, I actually feared that I might enjoy sex too much and be forced to get a job to finance this obsession. Instead, my depression and lack of motivation to live just got reaffirmed. Not a great night. The fast food I had with my friends was way better than the sex. It was un-noteworthy but it still wouldn’t have been a bad night if it wasn’t for the fact that I left something in my friend’s car. I had to drive 30 minutes to my friend’s house to pick it back up. Now it’s just a waste of time and money. I would’ve been better off spending that money on Tales of Xillia for the PS3 that came out last month. Yes, I think about video games more than sex. What a nerd I am.