The Heart Aches When It’s Frozen

There is no such thing as cold. What we call cold, is simply a lack of heat. I will expand on that later. Don’t worry, I’m not turning into an emotional-poet-wannabe. This is actually about something stupid that I do and my thoughts about it. This is about physical heart pains I experience when I put ice near my chest.

Be prepared to read for a while.

Be prepared to read for a while.

Okay, why the heck is Ted putting ice near his chest? This will take a number of sentences to explain. I bought a beast of a computer recently and placed it in my room, which is pretty small. Being the beast that it is, the computer is huge and generates a lot of heat. But this computer is no dumb beast. It’s a well-built beast so it has tons of fans to keep it cool. As a result, my beastly computer pushes all the hot air into my tiny room.

If Ted says "beast" one more time, I'll kill him.

If Ted says “beast” one more time, I’ll kill him.

My computer’s a beast so there’s not much I can do about it. My room isn’t that small and I’m not complaining about its size. It’s just not very well ventilated. Why is it not ventilated? Because the door is closed most of the time. Why is the door closed most of the time? To keep noise from coming in or going out. When my family’s around, they’re loud and I hate them so I would rather not hear them. At night, I try not to make too much noise because I’m a considerate person and I don’t want to disturb them when they’re trying to sleep. There are also handfuls of other reasons why I would want to close the door.

Pun intended. Teehee.

Occasionally, I bring ice packs into the room to cool it down a bit. I used to put the ice packs right next to the beast but then there are lots of pools of condensation water and I don’t want to get it wet. So now, I just put the ice packs on the desk, in front of the keyboard, so that the part of the room near the computer will still be somewhat cooler. That is why I have ice near my chest.

Long ass background story.

Long ass background story.

The ice isn’t actually touching my body so it’s not a frost-bitey kind of pain. For some reason, my heart is the thing that’s in pain. As far as I know, I don’t have any heart problems. In fact, I used to be pretty fit. A few years ago, I was running 10km everyday, as a means of transportation. I was a beast. In fact, I feel the heart pain right now. It’s an odd kind of pain. I don’t know what a heart attack feels like, but this feels like the prologue. I guess it feels like I’m dying? I still have the ice packs in front of me so I’m pretty sure that’s the reason I feel the pain, not because the girl from the picture is killing me for continuing to say “beast”.

Looks like I'll have to kill Ted the old fashioned way.

Looks like I’ll have to kill Ted the old fashioned way.

You know when you do hardcore cardiovascular exercises and your heart hurts because it’s working so hard? It feels a little bit like that but my heart isn’t beating any faster and I’m not breathing any differently. I don’t think it’s beating slower either. Remember the first lines of this entry? Back in high school, a smart girl named Emma sat near me in science class and I overheard her thinking that out loud. Heat is a type of energy and cold is just the lack of that energy. If I try to visualize how the ice packs affect the temperature in the room, I see cold air emanating from it. But cold isn’t a thing, heat is. So the ice packs are actually absorbing the surrounding heat. Energy is flowing towards it, not away from it. With the ice near my chest, it’s literally sucking (heat) energy from my heart.

Kind of like staring at her chest drains all my energy to do anything else...

Kind of like staring at her chest drains all my energy to do anything else…

Maybe the ice packs are causing condensation to happen within my body (maybe in my lungs?). And maybe condensation hurts. Maybe. Or maybe not. I don’t really care. If I cared, I would start by moving the ice packs further away instead of stupidly feeling discomfort. Before I end this entry, I want to warn any new readers I may have. My last couple posts have been more thoughtful and significantly less profane than what I usually write. The next entry is going to be back to being crude. The title will be a dead giveaway so don’t read it if you can’t handle it. If you do decide to read and you find something offensive, stop reading immediately because it’s not going to get any less offensive. People who love my sense of humor is going to love it. I won’t taint this entry with the title, but let’s just say it’s going to be about a handful of things. I have a lot of material which will take several hours to write. I’m deciding whether I should release it in parts or just release one really long entry. If I release in parts, it’ll just mean that you can read it sooner and I’ll still be releasing the full version when it’s done. Basically, if you just read this as my latest blog entry and you want to read more of my awesomeness right NOW, let me know and I will start releasing it in chunks.

I eagerly look forward to it since he's hyping it up so much.

I eagerly look forward to it since he’s hyping it up so much.

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Survival of the What?

With the advent of technology and human intelligence, one can be very unfit and still survive pretty easily. It’s almost baffling that money is the biggest determinant of fitness. With a little eye surgery, plastic surgery, and oral surgery, you can have the most hideous genes and still be the most attractive person. Money is powerful, but yet, it’s just a volatile concept we’re all playing along with. In times of crises, money is worth absolutely nothing. I think first world countries have been relaxed for too long and we need a couple disasters to help clean our gene pool.

I go to the beach so I don't even have a pool for you to clean.

I go to the beach so I don’t even have a pool for you to clean.

Basically, anyone is fit to survive. So I started thinking about what kind of people would be the fittest in this crazy world we live in. If we’re talking about spreading seeds to carry on one’s genes, the fittest people are kind of the most horrible people. If a guy can get multiple girls to fall in love with him in addition to regularly having casual sex with strangers, he could potentially create a lot of offspring. This kind of guy might also be known as a sleazy cheating bastard. A stealthy rapist might also achieve comparable results.

This eye-wear makes me so stealthy that she doesn't even know I'm right beside her.

This eye-wear makes me so stealthy that she doesn’t even know I’m right beside her.

Let’s take a look at the surviving side of things. Smart and creative people tend to be more prone to depression and suicide which is completely unfit for surviving. Ambitious, corporate ladder climbing people, just like anyone else, could pretty much lose their job at any moment and those people have a much harder time accepting these harsh hypothetical realities. The fat corporate cats who nepotized their way into wealth are usually fat so they’ll be dying from bodily dysfunctions young enough. The other benefactors of nepotism would have spent too much time on their bodies and not enough time on their brains. There are too few “perfect” people who has the brains, body, and wealth so I will be ignoring that demographic when searching for this “fittest” person of the modern age.

Don't forget about women. We have plenty of steady job options. Like cooking. That IS why you hired us, yes?

Don’t forget about women. We have plenty of steady job options. Like cooking. That IS why you hired us, yes?

So what kind of lay men are the fittest? He can’t be too smart or creative. The dumber the better so he doesn’t need to think any unnecessary thoughts. He would have no ambition and be willing to take all kinds of shits from his boss. He would do labour jobs because there’s always an abundance of those and it’ll also keep him in good physical shape at the same time. It would seem that boring unambitious dumb sheep are the fittest people to survive in this day and age. Great job, humans.

This was the other picture I was going to use for "stealthy" but now she'll be disapproving humanity.

This was the other picture I was going to use for “stealthy” but now she’ll be disapproving humanity.