Last Drinks For A While

This is how I’m spending the night:

2 beers, some vodka, coke, and watching 3D Movies. Oh, my thighs are in pic too. I’m hesitant to post this picture because it’s so messy but who cares, right?

 

Hopefully it’ll be a fun night. After this, I’m going to lay off the drinks for a while… mostly because I’m too lazy to buy more.

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SFT Podcast Episode 13 – Justin’s Never Been to a Senior Brothel

The other title I came up with was “Justin’s Lazy Sex” but he didn’t think that title was good and he really enjoyed the line about him never having been to a senior brothel. That was just one line from the episode but that should give you an idea of the kind of fun conversations I have with Justin.

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 13 – Justin’s Never Been to a Senior Brothel

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ2YDxCa_ec

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

SFT Podcast Episode 4 – I Am Lazy and Maybe Retarded

I don’t really remember this episode but I guess I thought I was lazy and retarded. I’m pretty sure I’m still reading my jokes. I’ve got a lot of jokes…

Dropbox:

SFT Podcast Episode 4 – I Am Lazy and Maybe Retarded

Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dni2tvA7_wk

If the above link doesn’t work, you should always check here (https://tedgaming.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/where-to-download-sad-funny-truthful-podcast/) for the updated links to download the podcast. I will also provide the link to download all the episodes there and it might even have newer and better links.

Sponsor:

koncepp.com

If you mention Ted (my name) and this podcast, you’ll get 10% off any service they provide from branding to logo design to website design to social media to mobile apps. Basically anything that’s online (which is everything), they can help you with it. The special deal right now is that they can host your personal website for $80 a year!

Candy Crush Saga; Soul Crushing Saga

It’s not just Candy Crush; all match 3 games are soul crushing. Let me first go on the record and state that I play a lot of match 3 games but that doesn’t make it any less soul crushing. Part of me likes these games but a greater part of me hates myself for liking it. I’ve probably spent hundreds of hours on this game already and yet I see a lot of my facebook friends played the game a lot more than me. That’s a lot of wasted time. It’s not exactly a satisfying game to play but it’s just the perfect level of mindlessness that you can you play while exerting a minimal amount of brain juices. I usually feel miserable when I play these games because it means I’m being lazy and unmotivated. I feel like a loser every time I play it but that’s fine because I’ve already openly admitted to giving up on life.

 

I see so many people playing candy crush a lot. It’s a very sad sight. Do all these people constantly feel so unmotivated and lazy? Or maybe they actually actively enjoy the game which might be even sadder. I was going to include a pre-emptive apology here but I won’t be doing that because I’m not really sorry. The only thing I would be sorry for is that life sucks and people who’re (whore, lol) offended by this must have a lot of crap in their lives that they haven’t accepted yet.

 

Shit Stories Part IV

Have you ever played a lot of tennis or badminton or anything else that exhausts your forearms? It’s always amazing how simple actions become harder with tired forearms. I once discovered that after playing hours of badminton, sticking up my middle finger became impossible. Who would’ve thought? And amongst these difficult tasks is wiping your ass. If you keep up with my blog or know me in real life, you would know that I’ve spent the past few months being unemployed and worthless. I do nothing with life and don’t even exercise. But one day, all of a sudden, wiping my ass was as difficult as if I had exercised. I coined a term with my friends where I label my (lack of) actions as next level laziness. I hope that my next level laziness doesn’t make me stop wiping. That would be beyond next level laziness. And even beyond that would be not even bothering to shit in a toilet. Hopefully, I can maintain two levels away from voluntarily shitting my pants.

I play tennis all day and I can still reach my ass.

I play tennis all day and I can still reach my ass.

I have a few theories on why I might have had a difficult time wiping my ass:

Theory A

Maybe I’ve been eating and shitting so much that the repetition of having to wipe has become an exercise.

Theory B

Maybe I jerked off too much. This theory applies because jerking off exercises foremans; not to be mistaken that there’s any relationship between my masturbating and my asshole.

Theory C

Maybe my body just decided to disintegrate and I’m reaching a point in life where I can’t even wipe my own ass or jerk myself off.

You call those theories?

You call those theories?

I try to have more than one story for each of my blog entries and keeping right on track, I have a second shit story. That’s right, I didn’t write that last story for a few days because I was saving up for a second story, not because I’m a lazy shithead who doesn’t work and can’t even keep up a blog. I’m wrapping up the second story right now and it turns out that both these stories are lengthy enough to be their own entries so I’ll publish them separately. If you love these shit stories, buckle down because the next story will be coming up in a few minutes if it isn’t out already.

I can't wait.

I can’t wait.