Procrastination Fascination

I started recording a podcast with that title today but I bailed on it 15 minutes in. I believe this is the second time I’ve ever deleted a podcast because I wasn’t happy with it. There isn’t any fascination. I only named it that to rhyme with procrastination. Now that I’m still procrastinating, I guess I’ll do a blog version of it. I wanted it to be a podcast because it’s just a bunch of scattered thoughts. There is actually one organized thought in there and I will save that thought. It’s about messenger birds. I may write about it right after this entry or I’ll talk about on the next podcast, whenever that may be.

First off, I find it fascinating that Tek Tactical seems to actively infuriate certain people. I stopped the podcast while talking about this and it’s almost making me quit this blog entry too. A lot of speculation and explanation seems to be required but I’ll just leave it at that and move on. Let’s just say it’s now at a point where I’m glad I’m pissing those people off because they’re assholes anyway.

I’ve been playing Hatsune Miku for the past couple days. Some people might not recognize the name but you might recognize her face:


If you don’t recognize her, well, I guess you’ll be learning about her now. It’s called a vocaloid and it’s a computer generated voice and people make songs with it. This is a video of a live hologram concert. That one is actually a pretty good song but there are also annoying songs like this or this. Those aren’t even the most annoying ones. Maybe it’s a good thing that I couldn’t find the really bad ones. I only brought this up because I thought it was funny that when I first launched the game, there’s a screen that tells you to be polite and keep the volume down or use headphones. It’s basically the developers admitting that they know the voice can be super annoying.

I’ve been borrowing games from the library. I haven’t done that in half a year but I started again last week. For a brief moment, I thought I could get into gaming again but it didn’t last. There’s still a severe loss of interest. Anyway, the reason I brought up the library is because I travelled to the library yesterday and the day before. The library is about 6km away from my house which wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the fucking snow and ice. On the first day, I chose to bike. I had to walk a good portion of the trip because there was too much snow to pedal through. On the not-too-thick snow, there’s tons of tire slippage going on but it’s kind of fun. Then it slipped while I was making a 90 degree turn and that wasn’t pretty. Actually maybe it was pretty – I wish I could see how I looked from third person. The bike fell sideways during the turn and I jumped off and kept on walking while still holding onto the handles and pulling the bike along. After walking a couple steps and regaining my balance, I jumped back onto the bike but the chain had fallen off so pedalling didn’t move the bike anymore. If it weren’t for that, I might’ve actually looked pretty cool. I had to take a moment to put the chain back on. Historically, I had to get my hands dirty to fix it.. That day, I discovered that if I just pedalled backwards a couple times, the chain will fall back onto the gears.

Biking in the snow was a bit more troublesome than I expected but it wasn’t too bad. Yesterday, I had to go to the library again for another game. It was snowing a bit so I decided to walk this time. For two weeks now, I have been biking on my stationary bike for many hours everyday. My legs were never sore from the previous day so I thought my legs were getting pretty damn good. They didn’t get tired from biking to the library either. However, when I woke up today, my legs were pretty sore. I guess it makes sense that biking is easier on the legs than walking, but it still caught me by surprise. I like the feeling of sore muscles though. It feels like I actually did some shit rather than just sitting around and procrastinating all day. I’m going to the library again tomorrow and I can’t decide whether I should walk or bike. I was leaning on walking earlier, but now I’m leaning towards biking. But then it snowed these past two days so walking might be wiser. I’m still completely undecided.

I have one last thought I want to write about to wrap this up. I saved the grossest for last. I haven’t talked about shit lately. And by shit, I’m talking about fecal matter. (I feel like I need a transition line here. Oh well. Enjoy the foreshadowing.) Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always enjoyed sitting in a bath every so often. As a child, I never noticed that I might be sitting in my own filth. When I’ve been taking bathes these last couple weeks, I notice a lot of skin and hair. I’m not really bothered by those too much, but then if I take a bath after I shit, it doesn’t matter how much I wipe and how much I spray my ass with the shower hose, when I sit in a bath, there’s always one tiny piece of shit dust floating around. It’s surprisingly self-contained and doesn’t change the color of the surrounding water, but it’s still unpleasant to have a tiny piece of shit floating around in the water I’m sitting in. Actually, the lack of color contamination makes sense if I compare it to regular shits in the toilet. The toilet water usually stays clear when I take healthy shits. Comparing these new bath experiences with my childhood ones, I have two theories. Either I’ve become more observant and pay more attention to detail as I’ve gotten older, or maybe my asshole is not as tight as it used to be and shit is slipping out.

What To Do… With Life and Milf…

First off I’d just like to update that I’ve been busy and lazy and have been putting off writing the comment topic on childhood. Nothing really came to mind and I’ve just been procrastinating. Basically, I reassuring that I didn’t forget about it by saying that I’m actively procrastinating from doing it…

I started playing Ni No Kuni and I re-realize my lost of interest in video games. I want to like the game but there’s simply too much to complain about. Since I’m doing nothing with my life, I’m going to keep playing this game for the next little while. I thought of relating that game to childhood (comment topic) since the protagonist is a child but that’s about as far as I’ve related it. That said, I still use my old gaming habits and have been logging in a lot of hours. I bought the game Friday night at 9pm and right now on Monday I’ve logged in 50 hours. It’s almost retarded how much I can game (even if I’m not enjoying it).

There’s been a minor change of pace in my life. It is now my second week working part time at the library. I hadn’t mentioned it previously since I don’t blog to update people on my life because (my) life is boring. I’m not fond of socializing with people (co-workers) but I hit it off with one milf. Milf was almost the first thing that came to mind and I’ll tell you why. The first time I worked with her, she commented how it must feel like I’m working with my mom and I responded by saying “… if my mom was white”. (I’m asian and she’s white.) She really liked that joke and I like people who likes my jokes. (Yup, I’m a total narcissist and I don’t even hide it.) I later found out that she actually has 3 daughters around my age so age-wise, she’s a total milf.

During the day, I thought about telling her that she was milf-y as a compliment and luckily I was smart enough to shut the fuck up and not actually say it. That’s probably textbook sexual harassment right there. I wonder if it would be taken as an insult or a compliment. In my head, since she’s already acknowledged her age, I’m pretty sure it would be a compliment, assuming I’m an attractive young man which is what I’d like to think of myself as. I don’t know if I’m delusional or not; it’s not the easiest thing to confirm since I rarely see or talk to people. Also, I think white people de-sexualize asian men, especially ones who are your children’s age. I also thought of asking if I could date one of her daughters and that I’m sure they’re very attractive if they’re even half as pretty as she is. That line should have no risk unlike the milf statement. But I don’t think I’ll be saying any of that in person since talking takes quite a lot of motivation and effort for me. When I talk to strangers, I use mostly one-liners because there’s less commitment. If I give a compliment, I’m then committed to continually be nice to the person which is hard for me. It’s hard being nice to people for more than 20 seconds at a time.

…Now here’s where I’m in a tiny bit of a dilemma. I’ve already eliminated the option of saying all that stuff in person. If it comes up organically, sure, but I won’t be planning those out. However, as this blog proves, I’m very comfortable with writing online and I wonder if I should email the milf… particularly about her daughters. The managers of the library sends out mass emails so I actually unsolicitedly have her email. I went creepily ahead and looked her up on facebook and confirmed that her daughters are indeed super attractive. The problem is, even in the best case scenario where she likes the idea of me dating her daughter, I then have to date her daughter… I’ve never enjoyed dating and as a anti-people-pleasing and depressed person, dating is too much effort. Sigh… I don’t know if I should email the milf or not and whether I should ask about her daughters or just try to have a conversation with her online. I also don’t know why I wondering this out loud in a public forum. (Forum is used in the loosest sense of the word. I grew up with the internet and internet message boards so seeing that word always looks weird to me and now I decided to weird myself out by using it and then addressing how weirded out I am with myself.)

Another side note is that I’ve never seen the term filf (father I’d like to fuck) and I don’t think it’s a thing. I wonder why it isn’t. I thought about that when I was thinking whether calling someone a milf is offensive and I tried to put myself in their shoes. Then I realized that I wouldn’t be a filf anyway since I’m a kid. I’m just an ilf. (I’d like to fuck…)